Getting attached to girls during pickup

[Norbert Somogyi]

Hey there!

I've been practicing pick-up for a while and these days I'm gaining improvements and results. The tendency I noticed is that each time things go well with a girl and we have fun (especially where we end up getting physical and I get their number or a different contact), I tend to get attached to them even if I know deep down that I would not want to pursue a long-term relationship. I still end up talking to them trying to make something (most of the times another physical encounter) happen, but one of the following happens:

• Things either cool down (me realizing that they are not interested in progressing this any further // or that I am not)
• or they end up ghosting me,

The separation hurts emotionally for a while, where I end up being affected for the next few days.

I've never been good with relationships, possibly have a disorganized attachment style (according to the tests I've taken online, the one Leo posted as well). Any tips?

 

Appreciate your work, Leo.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDBS1y1mzq8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzeXRDUk1ds

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L2MzmE8cwo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3miuaOWsj8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eit85FAj4wg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLH7yUwkBPg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7p3-MJJm_R0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVqANXVTLN4

http://happinessbeyondthought.blogspot.com/2012/05/surrendering-i-letting-go-of-suffering.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MU1Rp184IT4

[mr_engineer]

You need to rewire your subconscious such that you're attracted to women who you're compatible with. Essentially, you need to really learn compatibility. 

The issue right now is that on the one hand, you're getting attached to these women who you don't really want a long-term relationship with (essentially, you're friendzoning them), on the other hand, there are going to be some really hot women who you want a long-term relationship with, for rational, sexual-compatibility reasons, but you're not pursuing that. My suggestion would be to pursue that! And stop wasting your time getting attached to girls you don't want a long-term relationship with. 

HTH!!

[NoSelfSelf]

You are manipulating basically, not being direct and telling them that you are not looking for something serious.

You should tell them what they are getting into and what you want from them(to avoid drama also because you told them) but if game isnt tight it wont work so you must manipulate ?

 

Problem is like, when she gives you a little play you become needy and desperate because you are worshiping women and you are not worshiping yourself..

@mr_engineer hes in a player phase tho

Edited September 10, 2022 by NoSelfSelf

[Ulax]

@Norbert Somogyi If you have disorganised attachment style, to my mind, relationships are going to be tricky for you atm.

It involves both seeking attachment, and being afraid of attachment. So, you will yo-yo in terms of wanting to be close and wanting to be distant from people you are in relationship too.

And, imo,  will attract in people more naturally who aren't the healthiest.

I'd advice getting into some deep psychotherapeutic work so that you can change your attachment style towards a secure attachment.

Its not your fault that you are this way, or something worthy of blame. However, it won't change unless you take the relevant steps.

Edited September 10, 2022 by Ulax

[Norbert Somogyi]

@Raze Thank you for the links, definitely checking them out!

@mr_engineer At the moment I am not really seeking long-term relationships, however that will definitely change in the future. For the moment I prefer being able to live to the fullest, burning that karma you know what I mean? Appreciate your words though, your advice is sound. 

@NoSelfSelf Would it be the best to tell them early on? What if the initial attraction is merely physical, but later on (perhaps after pull) she shows something I get genuinely interested in as a trait or a combination of traits? I know authenticity is incredibly valuable, just don't know how to go around it in this context (or in general).

@Ulax Your words are spot on, pretty much matching what I've been experiencing so far. Pickup and the corresponding results just highlighted how much of an issue it really is. It's really hard to build meaningful relationships like this, not only romantic but friendships as well. Appreciate your non-judgemental perspective, I'll dig into this.

Edited September 12, 2022 by Norbert Somogyi
Had to post early, as forum was becoming buggy

[mr_engineer]

@Norbert Somogyi You're welcome!

With all due respect, when you say you don't want a long-term relationship right now, I don't get it. 

The reason being that you're getting attached to women with whom things go well. 

If you have karma to burn, maybe consider open relationships? 

[Norbert Somogyi]

@mr_engineer Things go well in the context of pickup. However it becomes clear to me along the way I would not want to pursue genuine relationships with them (drastic difference of age (senior), drastic difference in values, life circumstances (single mum for example), hard to talk to in a deep manner). Yet when they show me passion or even some light of vulnerability, I just melt and get deeply attached.

Now that I think about it, having a disorganized attachment style along with the past relationships that I've contributed suffering in, could be another reason why I try to stay away from them for the time being. It invokes and triggers a lot of anxiety and fear.

Regarding open relationships, I am not sure. I feel like I would be constantly walking on thin ice left and right and my anxiety would be through the roof.

[Tron]

just think about a bunch of sweaty dudes sitting in a baseball dugout, getting their ball sweat all over the bench

 

now imagine licking that bench

thats a girls pussy