I think you're pretty cute and I'm handing out a dating resume

[gettoefl]

that's the close being used

Namely, walk around town, find the ones you like, speak the close

then hand out a printed out blurb containing your stats, your interests, your needs in an other half, your contact info

will anyone here do this? answer yes i will/no i won't in the poll above

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-11194181/27-year-old-woman-starts-handing-dating-RESUMES-men-finds-attractive.html

[gettoefl]

don't forget to answer the poll question

don't be shy

then in your reply give your reasons / say why or why not

[Loba]

I would never do something like this.  You can't gauge compatibility from handing out a resume.  The guy might look attractive, he might even call, but that feels like a recipe for accidentally inviting a weirdo into my life.  Granted, to be completely honest, I have taken myself off the dating market permanently.  I gave it a good month of thought, should I seek someone out in the future, or just remain single?  And I've been single for so long, and have my own way of doing things, I love not having to follow in line with another person's plans, on top of that I'm getting older and I have some problems - both health and mental - that I feel would be disrespectful to ever bring into another person's life - that dating and relationships just don't seem like a feasible option.  My views are that relationships should make life more connected and easier for a person and if I can't offer that to someone, then the loving thing to do would be to allow them to find someone who can do these things for them.

But, assuming that I was actively looking - this would not be the way I would go about it.  It takes me a little while to build attraction to someone, I need to get a general feel for their vibe, their essence, and this can take years.  Any time I have randomly gone out of my way to allow a stranger into my life without any backstory into who they are, this has ended in incompatibility or abuse.  Realistically, if I were to do everything over again, I would have dated my high school friend who had a crush on me back when I was young and started something with them.  If I knew what I knew now.  When you're young and flexible in life, it's easier to bring all the pieces together to build on something great, but as you get older, you get used to your routines and a certain way of life, it can be hard to change for someone even if you want to.

Also, from what I know about guys, a woman handing a dating resume to them out in the open like that would be a turn off for many.  Any time I have been the one to initiate a relationship, this has gone sour.  Guys just do not like it when women try to take the lead in any way.  They may say, "Oh yes, this makes things easier for us."  But when you go and do that, it gives them the impression that you're desperate for them, and not that maybe you just kinda like them and want to speed things up.  I've had warm connections go completely cold from taking that first step.  It's best to let the guy decide who he is interested in, and allow him to chase you, the woman for a while until he "wins", for some reason this is what seems to make men happy.  Nothing screams desperation more than handing out a literal job application to would-be suitors.  It's taking the chase away from the guy, which makes a good chunk of what attracts them to you work.  Also, when you hand out personal stuff like this to complete strangers, and then give them an open into your life, it allows abusers and predators to mold a personality to draw you into their web.  You literally have no idea who you are approaching.  Someone could go over your likes, your personality, your info, and try to recreate your dream person to lure you in, just to turn into a Jekyll and Hyde at the last minute.  When you're too open with people right off the bat, without getting a feel for their character, this is a recipe for disaster on so many levels.

[Danioover9000]

   Yes, while it's cringe at first to do, with all these false accusations and shit we might have to do something like this lol!

[Tyler Robinson]

That's actually cute. I guess people would have invented such methods in a strict culture. 

The real question is - where's the charisma? 

 

[Loba]

6 minutes ago, Tahuti said:

Unhealthy as fuck but same here.

I'm completely done and accepted the fact I will be alone for the rest of my life and I'm happy with that. I don't need a gf or wife or kids. 

This is a very unconscious way to see it but I'm just done. Completely.

We are both in the same boat.

It depends.  My situation might be different from other people.  I have bipolar 1, autism, a bad heart and an autoimmune disease, I'm already 34 and I don't fully know when my time will be up.  Probably in the middle of my life, if not sooner.  I'm frequently sick with this.  I also come from a background where healthy communication was not encouraged, and I am only partially healed from my childhood.  I rarely ever leave the house, and am very codependent on people in a relationship setting.  I can do friendships very well, and have had many very deep and loving friendships without problems, but when it comes to relationships, I am not able to accomplish this.

The thing is, I respect people's time and energy, and their ability and willingness to go the extra mile for their partner.  If I were a healthy person, who was a bit younger with more going for me, then this would be a different story.  And if I were that healthy person, and I saw someone that I loved get involved with the current me with all these problems, I would be concerned for that partner.  It would be too much for them, and I wouldn't be able to contribute in a healthy way that allowed for a properly functioning flow of give and take.  If you are someone stuck in the take too much bin, even if you are a good person with good intentions, you can end up draining another person of their time, energy and resources.  I would feel like garbage if I did that to someone who deserves a chance with a healthy, happy, vibrant individual.

I'm also so sick most of the time, that I wouldn't be able to have sex very often, which is a deal breaker.  Men need sex. 

My coping mechanism is to write stories of an alternative timeline where I am reborn into a healthier body in a different world.  I find that working on this project helps me to work through fantasies that I couldn't try, eases any bitterness that I may have, and lets me feel a sense of creativity.  I also believe in life after death.  I think that when we die, we either become an orb of light and meet with our soul families and partner, or we move on to another plane of existence with a fresh start and can continue with our desires there.  I've had a spiritual awakening where I met someone who told me that they were my partner, that I was "mutually curating" aspects of them, as they were with me, and it almost felt like I was caught in the spiritual net of a masculine presence that made up the background of the things in my life, just outside of spacetime and just beyond the narrative of my human life.

Now for you, if you are a healthy person who is relatively young without too many mental problems and can offer something kind and genuine to another person, you wouldn't be in the same boat.  You would be someone who is stepping out for other reasons.  I literally cannot offer at this time what it would take to make another person happy - and respect people too much to put them through dealing with a chronically sick person with limited time.  If you have a chance at building a happy life for yourself and there are no barriers that can't be fixed, like health and age, then you should go for it.  What are your circumstances that are preventing you from finding a wife and starting a family?  If that's too personal, just let me know.

[Leo Gura]

The epitome of cringe.

Edited September 11, 2022 by Leo Gura

[thepixelmonk]

9 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

The epitome of cringe.

Wanted to say the same thing lol.

[Hello from Russia]

Cool idea, but you gotta make it so it's not gonna be cringey, indeed. With proper charisma it could be a very fun way to do it

[Ulax]

I wouldn't do it.

But fair play to her for taking initiative, and doing something courageous and proactive.

[Jordan]

This is super cringy. I would much rather talk to someone and see if I like them and that they are single instead of putting the effort of something like writing up a resume for them.

[assx95]

It's a terrible idea. Oh god, it's hard to even imagine that. I don't want to. Bye. 

[ZzzleepingBear]

You're Hired mam!

[Cepzeu]

Bring to mind somebody you respect and ask yourself if they would do this.

[hyruga]

At least print out the resume using a printer  but I guess people in the states won't bother to do that unless they are in a high tech place like silicon valley.

[gettoefl]

here's a dozen pros of this method:

• taking control of your dating destiny, i choose based on energy vibe and their similarity to me
• not letting love and life pass you by
• living for the now
• resisting high pressure techniques to close but letting the prospect decide in their own time
• cultivating sincerity humility integrity
• living from complete desperation: if i die tonight i gave this my best shot (this is a positive attribute)
• my presentation is in my hands alone, both my bio, how i approach and my appearance 
• pure intentions, full honesty will likely beget the same from others
• it's free one of a kind creative wholesome innocent, all qualities one would like in a prospective partner
• you don't get a second chance to make a good first impression
• doing what i fear is the best way to conquer fear
• trusting the universe to send simply the best

 

 

 

[hyruga]

2 hours ago, Medhansh said:

You're basically proposing an offline version of Tinder. People have been doing all this on dating apps. 

But practically this will turn out to be super wierd. 

Yeah it was mentioned in the title and description of the article.

[Danioover9000]

29 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

here's a dozen pros of this method:

• taking control of your dating destiny, i choose based on energy vibe and their similarity to me
• not letting love and life pass you by
• living for the now
• resisting high pressure techniques to close but letting the prospect decide in their own time
• cultivating sincerity humility integrity
• living from complete desperation: if i die tonight i gave this my best shot (this is a positive attribute)
• my presentation is in my hands alone, both my bio, how i approach and my appearance 
• pure intentions, full honesty will likely beget the same from others
• it's free one of a kind creative wholesome innocent, all qualities one would like in a prospective partner
• you don't get a second chance to make a good first impression
• doing what i fear is the best way to conquer fear
• trusting the universe to send simply the best

 

 

 

?

[Spiral]

I’m not trying to sell myself. I’m trying to discover if the girl suits me.

[Loba]

2 hours ago, Tahuti said:

@Loba Yeah, that isn't the case for me. Sorry to hear that.

This morning I woke up ready to take some action. I had a negative interaction with a girl that made me say what I said yesterday lol. I don't actually feel that way.

I'd love to have a partner and kids in the near future.

It's okay, I have made peace with it.  Despite all of that, I don't have to work, so my life is pretty easy and calm - I live with family, so I am not alone.  It could be so much worse, there are homeless people, sick people who have no one - I get to at least live life comfortably and safely and so I count my blessings for sure.

As for you, let's see here.  Some words for you - don't let the negativity of other people get to you so harshly.  I know it's easier said than done, but the dating game is difficult for most normal people.  It does take some work to find the right one.  Try taking it as this:  if a woman gives you a bad reaction, then it is a sign that she is absolutely not the one for you, and it is actually a blessing, because that reaction could come up later in life rather than sooner, it's so much better to get that stuff out of the way immediately.  When you do find the right partner, you will be so glad for all the ones that didn't work out, because it will have allowed you to find who is best for you.  Keep your heart open, don't let it become jaded.

If you want a partner and some kids in the future, never close yourself off from that, you deserve to have a good life filled with things that make you happy.