What's keeping me from suicide?

[caspex]

Note: I am not gonna kill myself. Don't worry.

That said. I feel that the only thing stopping me is that statement above. Which is fueled by the fear of death. Not just physical but metaphysical death. The reason I am afraid of suffering is because it will lead to my metaphysical death. Eternal suffering will do it even faster.

So since it comes down to that one fear of death, if dulled greatly, what would stop me? Why would I NOT do it? Fear of missing out on the rest of my life? In God's POV an experience of suicide is just as valuable as a lifetime of experiences. Why? Because quantity and quality, time, they are all human concepts. 

I feel it's that I won't have a choice if the fear of death was to be removed on all levels. I'll just disintegrate or some shit. Because even on a physical level all your cells are afraid of dying so they act in a way to stay alive and ultimate work together to sustain your body. Same is with your mind. And most subtly with your awareness, that I think has to do with energetic biases.

On such a level, only thing that would stop me from dissolving, would be an attachment. Why? Because attachment and fear are two sides of the same coin. The coin called Bias. Bias is what keeps YOU alive as an isolated consciousness. But bias is what makes you suffer. Bias helps you to survive but ultimately leads to you removing it, and dissolving. Eg. You are afraid of suffering so much that you find a way to remove the fear itself one day.

This means that God doesn't pull you towards itself for dissolution, it's just a byproduct of the ingenious design of God. Like how parallel lines on a sphere will meet at the poles. It's not that something is pulling those lines together, it's because of the design of the surface itself. It's inevitable. 

You can try to sustain your fear of death in efforts to stay alive{because you're afraid of death}. To be afraid of something means to avoid it. But if you avoid it too well, by removing the fear, you'll die. So you have to avoid it artificially where you just leave so that the fear can bite you in the ass another time. So the only way to avoid artificially is through distractions. The lower consciousnesses can do this very well. Another way is to remove your fear of metaphysical death but substitute it with another bias, an attachment. This is what, I think, higher consciousnesses do. They will consciously choose attachments to keep surviving. 

Ultimately it will make no difference whether you choose to live eternally or dissolve. Making it a paralyzing decision. Nothing is stopping you from killing yourself, but nothing is stopping you from not killing yourself. Why would you do either? This is what I need help with. Can some help me draw a conclusion about the paralyzing nature of decisions. 

[Someone here]

1 minute ago, Swarnim said:

Ultimately it will make no difference whether you choose to live eternally or dissolve. Making it a paralyzing decision. Nothing is stopping you from killing yourself, but nothing is stopping you from not killing yourself. Why would you do either? This is what I need help with. Can some help me draw a conclusion about the paralyzing nature of decisions

There is no objective reason.  Any reason either way must be made up by you . In this case your reason seems to be fear of death. So say thank you to that frear .its what's keeping you alive.  (That is in case you appreciate being alive).

[ZzzleepingBear]

4 minutes ago, Swarnim said:

Ultimately it will make no difference whether you choose to live eternally or dissolve. Making it a paralyzing decision. Nothing is stopping you from killing yourself, but nothing is stopping you from not killing yourself. Why would you do either? This is what I need help with. Can some help me draw a conclusion about the paralyzing nature of decisions. 

 

Anything that feels mentally paralyzing, is considering making decisions between contradictions. If no answer feels more right than the other, then question wheter you need to find a answer to the question to begin with. Is the question a valid question to seek a supposedly right answer within?

Two wrong don't make one right.