How to really start taking fucking control over my life

[actually]

So here I (25 M) am again sitting again on my couch. Contemplating every little thing I did and said. Being insecure about everything and just

have no way to take control over my life. My financial situation has changed and im facing having no income and possibly losing my appartment im renting.

I cannot seem to think straight and fix my problems. All I do with my last money is going to party's, drinking and doing alot of drugs. Just tryna escape reality.

I just need to plan out my life and take action. Don't know how because im losing myself in alcohol and drugs. I know what im good at and thats making music.

Actually made a few bucks and have a fairly big connection in the underground music industry in my country. I'm not making good use of it, which I should be doing. It seems to be that when I have the confidence, I can do anything I want and feel energized to do so. I lost that confidence and now im stuck on my

couch contemplating life and if its worth living.

 

How do I unfuck myself and go do the shit I need to do and stop with the self pity once and for all.

 

thank you

[Ulax]

Here's what I'd say:

Focus on your fundamentals first.

1. Get a source of income at a healthy workplace (i.e. non-toxic)

2. Exercise

3. Diet

4. Meditation

5. Journaling

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You can input one at a time.

If you're finding you keep starting, stopping, starting, stopping, then I'd get into a depth psychotherapy asap. Although even if the above suggestions work well for you, I'd input depth psychotherapy as a 6th step. For example, IFS therapy. (Sidenote: I'd look into potential neurodivergence too, i.e. ADHD, dyslexia. That can go surprisingly unnoticed and cause a lot of issues.)

Also, I'd learn how to develop habits from the book, 'atomic habits'.

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Also, I'd recommend having some inspiration for the journey, i.e. music you find inspiring, movies you find relatable and inspiring. And watch those from time to time.

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Finally, it may be wise to consider what relationships are healthy to have in your life, and to what level. I.e. maybe you cut down how much you do certain things with certain types of people, or you move on all together

There's a few different things I've put here that came to mind. I understand if it seems overwhelming but you don't have to do it all at once, (if you choose to follow what I recommend at all :) ).

Anyhow, I think you've taken a great step with this comment and I hope things improve for you.

[integral]

What most people need is a saddle mountain to their back for someone else to hop on and take control. 
 

Who’s riding the saddle right now? ?‍?

Edited September 9, 2022 by integral

[NoSelfSelf]

By 100% focus on yourself

Unplugging from social matrix..

[sholomar]

You need to put your intellect in charge of your emotions rather than having your emotions be in charge of your behavior. Basically what that means is eudimonic forms of happiness instead of hedonism. Being able to control your cravings compulsions and addictions.

You need to start cultivating good habits and doing them everyday regardless of whether you feel like doing them or not it's your feelings that will sabotage your progress.

You can also read the book The power of now and other texts because you need the yin and yang of being able to push yourself while being able to relax at the same time. And I consider being present moment mindful and watching The thinker and observing my emotions as a form of relaxation and release.... Like Leo's do nothing mediation on steroids.

It's basically limbic retraining. Most people are a slave to their emotions impulses cravings and past habits. Self-mastery is about taking control and paradoxically surrendering at the same time. I also use affirmations and visualization to mentally rehearse the emotional state I want to be in a state of peaceful confident acceptance and playfulness.  I have this saying where I put on my cap and cap is an acronym that stands for calm confidence acceptance and playfulness/peace. I can feel the cap when it's on my head and when I'm wearing it these three sayings resonate with my emotions because I repeat them in my head and visualize what they feel like.

All habits skills and states of being are about repetition repetition repetition just keep doing it over and over again and it will become easier.

I get the impression a lot of people on this forum are in the state of despair over what they see the state of the world or their lives as and that's not a productive way to live because any emotional state you are in you will strengthen and reinforce the more you are in it. You want the cultivate positive states of mind because those higher vibrations will infect others. That is the true selfless way to live not pine over the state of the world being angry, depressed, bitter.

Edited September 10, 2022 by sholomar

[flowboy]

@actually  you inspired me to a video response

 

[Raze]

Read recovery by Russell Brand

Go to AA

https://www.shinzen.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/art_urges.pdf

 

read awaken the giant within and unlimited power by Tony Robbins

 

Get a accountability coach or partner 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuZ_f4oANGE

learn a trade 

[Vajra]

@actually HEY MAN!!! Get off your ASS!

Please, look around you. Your very Life is running past. What are you afraid of? Why not engage and take responsibility? Why not stand the fuck up?

It's totally up to YOU and you know it. You have to rise, as Love. As Consciousness, which mercilessly burns through all the bullshit.

Stop taking it, my man.

Go and Live.

[actually]

18 hours ago, flowboy said:

@actually  you inspired me to a video response

 

Hey thanks bro, always nice to read, or in this case watch, your thoughts on my shitty life problems lol.

I watched the video and I gotta say it got me thinking. Most people I met lately at party's are fun people, but only fun when I'm drunk and they're drunk.

That tells alot I guess. I'm done having only fun conversations and my social needs met when i'm drunk and coked out as fuck.

Tomorrow I will start lifting some weights and stop feeling sorry about myself. It's just not a good way to go through life feeling sad about myself all fucking day. Especially as before summer started, I was on a very good path on making money in my career as a musician and just that natural high I got was amazing. I want that back.

To everyone reading this and going through the same shit or similar; TAKE ACTION and get addicted to the dopamine high you get from fixing your life and doing the hard things in order to feel proud and motivated afterwards.

 

Dankjewel man je video heeft me gemotiveerd.

also that metal intro was really the least thing I expected but funny as hell

 

[flowboy]

@actually  Geweldig! Werk aan de winkel dus. Go get that natural high back