How to respond to girls who are flaky

[something_else]

As a guy you have to deal with girls flaking quite a bit. What is the best way to handle this?

It used to really annoy me when I was quite lonely and didn't speak to that many girls. In fact it used to be one of the few things that would make my blood absolutely boil. 

But now that I can meet new girls consistently, it doesn't really bother me at all anymore.

Of course it still happens and I would like advice on whether I should continue to talk to girls who are flaky and hard to pin down or just move on to other girls.

Most common two examples of flakyness I encounter:

• We arrange date for a certain day/night. She agrees. I message night/day before for confirmation and then:
  • Left on read
  • Comes up with a legit excuse
  • "Sorry I forgot"
• I suggest a day for a date. She says she doesn't know what days she'll be free next week and says "I'll message you and let you know what days I'm free". In my experience, girls who respond with "I'll let you know" have, not once in my entire life, ever let me know, lol.

In my head there are two approaches I consider:

• Fuck it, I have too much respect for myself and my time to bother trying to deal with this, move on.
• I may as well keep chatting and try to set up another date, what have I got to lose? Maybe she'll be less fickle if I actually get her on a date, and perhaps we will get on really well together.

What are your thoughts on handling this? Is it better to just cut losses and move on or keep playing?

[Nilsi]

If you really like the girl, I'd give her a second chance, but after that, I would move on.

[Kksd74628]

@something_else

The thing is that  you have to make girls want more of your time than you want theirs or you're fucked. When you're approaching girls, they shouldn't be your whole life or it means that you have no lifestyle to offer. Don't get me wrong, because when you're in relationship with someone you can do whatever you want with your time. This thing just applies to the dating phase. Whatevery you do, you can't make girl bored, because it's game over when you're not interesting in her eyes anomore. Move on and try again, that's my valuable advice.

[Kksd74628]

@something_else

Follow up advice.

Build yourself and your life so at some point you can attract more women naturally and when that happens you'll not have this kind of problem you're showing us. Having girlfriend should be indicator that you're doing at least something correctly. Good principle to understand is that you're probably not going have girlfriend as long as you need one. Problem you're having is lack of love in your life and that could be phrased as you feel very lonely. Aim to have more love in your life and you don't need gf to that per se.

[something_else]

33 minutes ago, Kksd74628 said:

@something_else

Follow up advice.

Build yourself and your life so at some point you can attract more women naturally and when that happens you'll not have this kind of problem you're showing us. Having girlfriend should be indicator that you're doing at least something correctly. Good principle to understand is that you're probably not going have girlfriend as long as you need one. Problem you're having is lack of love in your life and that could be phrased as you feel very lonely. Aim to have more love in your life and you don't need gf to that per se.

I've had girlfriends. And I wouldn't say I struggle with girls or anything. This is more of a logistics issue of whether it's worth my time pursuing girls that are kind of flaky and if there is ever any value in doing so, or if I should just say fuck it and move on.

1 hour ago, Nilsi said:

If you really like the girl, I'd give her a second chance, but after that, I would move on.

This sounds like a good approach, thanks.

[Kksd74628]

@something_else

I don't think that's time problem, because it actually doesn't take that much to chat with girl time to time. It could be emotional problem and if that drains you then you should move on. I knew you just wanted to hear that someone says that give second change, because you weren't ready to lose the girl. Don't be attached to girls in dating phase or you'll be fucked millions of times. To be honest girl not knowing when she has time for you is just girls way of signaling that she's not interested. There are exceptions though.

[something_else]

1 hour ago, Kksd74628 said:

I knew you just wanted to hear that someone says that give second change, because you weren't ready to lose the girl

This isn't about one girl in particular

I don't really care about losing girls over text anymore. Obviously I would like to go on dates, but I don't care if things don't pan out because I know I can go out at weekends and get plenty of girls that way. You are kind of framing this like I'm needy, but I'm mostly past that stage now. I used to be very very needy.

This is mostly about the logistics of getting dates with girls over text, because girls are typically flaky over text when they have such little investment in you.

Perhaps a better way to frame this question would have been "how do you maximise chances of getting an actual date over text with a girl"

[Razard86]

23 minutes ago, something_else said:

This isn't about one girl in particular

I don't really care about losing girls over text anymore. Obviously I would like to go on dates, but I don't care if things don't pan out because I know I can go out at weekends and get plenty of girls that way. You are kind of framing this like I'm needy, but I'm mostly past that stage now. I used to be very very needy.

This is mostly about the logistics of getting dates with girls over text, because girls are typically flaky over text when they have such little investment in you.

Perhaps a better way to frame this question would have been "how do you maximise chances of getting an actual date over text with a girl"

1. Majority of people both men/women are superficial in dating. 

2. As such most women are going to flake on you if you didn't make a strong first impression. Women literally judge you based on assumptions.

3. I've had women make assumptions about me when I wear what you see in the photo. They assume I'm wealthy, I'm some real estate or banker/investor and start coming up with fantasies in their head. LOL.

4. If I go out in regular clothes...they won't think anything of the sort. So just how you show up (attire) women are making snap judgments on you. I bet you if you went out suited and booted you would get more dates. Its really dumb.

In my opinion do not mess with girls that flake, this means she is not going to be honest with you when she FEELS like it. Deal with girls that are honest and don't think flaking is ok.

[Kksd74628]

@something_else

2 hours ago, something_else said:

"how do you maximise chances of getting an actual date over text with a girl"

The point is that you shouldn't do it that way in the first place .

[Tyler Robinson]

Girls flake for all kinds of stupid reasons. 

Most reasons are rooted in insecurity 

 

They don't think they have enough to go on with a guy. Give them enough to want you. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

To be totally honest, I would flake on 98% guys who approached me. 

Why not. Even guys manipulate a woman, gain her trust and then dump her. 

Even guys dump women for stupid reasons. What will you say to that? 

 

Edited September 6, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Max_V]

@Tyler Robinson Even if someone else behaves shitty, that doesn't mean you should let yourself fall to their level because they are doing it

[Nilsi]

2 hours ago, Razard86 said:

3. I've had women make assumptions about me when I wear what you see in the photo. They assume I'm wealthy, I'm some real estate or banker/investor and start coming up with fantasies in their head. LOL.

Wait, that's you on your photo lol?

[Tyler Robinson]

Just now, Max_V said:

@Tyler Robinson Even if someone else behaves shitty, that doesn't mean you should let yourself fall to their level because they are doing it

The problem is that the flaking is not because I want to give them a bad treatment. It's form of a spiral - - what goes around comes around. So when guys give you a shitty treatment, it becomes like a wound and stays inside you and then this deep seated makes the mind not trust the next guy that comes along. It's an automatic process, not something done on purpose. So meanwhile the guy might have the best intentions, when he is asking me out, my heart wants to find a reason to resist him or not be able to trust. I would expect him to step up and make me trust him, not to break my heart again but to show me that he truly does care about me and this cannot happen over a meagre amount of text conversations, this can only happen through bonding. I'm scared to give this kind of advice because I don't want to see another woman broken. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

@Max_V you do have a point and i somewhat agree with you although the female perspective is rarely taken into consideration in male centered discussions. And I'll leave it to that.

[NoSelfSelf]

Women are flakey in general even with amazing game girls will flake thats a part of the game just accept how it is...

[Razard86]

34 minutes ago, Nilsi said:

Wait, that's you on your photo lol?

Yep

[Nilsi]

12 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

Yep

Badass. I always thought that is P. Diddy.

Edited September 6, 2022 by Nilsi

[universe]

8 hours ago, something_else said:

 

• Fuck it, I have too much respect for myself and my time to bother trying to deal with this, move on.
• I may as well keep chatting and try to set up another date, what have I got to lose?

That's exactly it.

You are fighting a losing battle.

[Roy]