I rejected myself when I approached her. I want to know why this happens?

[assx95]

There was this girl taller than me, 9/10, insanely attractive. she sat with her friend on the bench. I felt attracted and went up to her.

I said hi. Then I was taking in the time to speak how I feel abt her. And there was 2-3 seconds I was just looking her in the eye. I told her I felt very attracted when I saw her. And that seeing her instantly made me feel better. I just told her how I felt. 

Midway her friend looked at her smiling and teasing that this guy ( I) am hitting on her. So she smiles genuinely and says- thank you very much. 

And instead of going forward, I said - this is all I wanted to say and walked away. Idk why I walked away. 

Edited September 5, 2022 by assx95

[petar8p]

Because you felt pressured and you're not used to those situations. 

 

Confidence, Worthiness, Self-love also is the key, but constantly interacting and getting into a habit of moving interaction forward is what helps a lot as well. 

 

Don't bite yourself too much, there is plenty of opportunities in front of you. You made someone's day

[Razard86]

Did you want to be with her? If you rejected yourself its just you struggle with feelings of unworthiness is all. All fear/doubt is just you seeing something as superior or greater than you and that you could never achieve/obtain it.

The truth is, its completely imaginary. I could help you in this regard as I had this issue and solved it... in less than a year. In fact I solved it in a couple of weeks actually. The only barrier you ever have in life is yourself. Your self-talk controls your life if you allow it too. It creates stories and narratives of how life functions, and the irony is....life appears to function the exact way your self-talk claims with few exceptions. 

The fact you are even noticing the glitch, is a good sign. Means you realize its not reality that functions a specific way...ITS YOU.

1. One of the main issues you will have in life is assumptions. For example a man can talk to a woman and her entire body language is closed off and he can assume she isn't interested....this is just a natural defense some women do when a guy tries to pick a girl up. Its a confidence test. Its actually hard-wired into their body. 

2. So one of the things you have to do is assume every woman finds you attractive. Now this doesn't give you permission to get handsy lol, but assume any negative feedback is nervousness or shyness. Many guys strike out because they take ANY signs of disinterest as the TRUTH. Its not, its just the assumption you are making. Now sometimes it could be true, but who's to say she will still feel like that 3-5 seconds later, or a minute later? 

Anyway all problems in life stem from feelings of worthlessness, shame, guilt, in a nutshell lack of self-love.

[universe]

Hard to tell. Why do you think you did it?

Could be that the tension was just very high and you wanted an escape.

In that case, try to be more comfortable with tension.

 

Or it could be that you felt like melting into her and a need for separation arose in you.

In that case, release on your neediness.

[mr_engineer]

@assx95 Do you want to be with women whose friends don't respect the privacy of her dating-life?! It's the awkwardness created by her friend that was the problem. 

You didn't reject yourself. You rejected her! I wouldn't worry too much about it. 

[something_else]

31 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

@assx95 Do you want to be with women whose friends don't respect the privacy of her dating-life?! It's the awkwardness created by her friend that was the problem. 

You didn't reject yourself. You rejected her! I wouldn't worry too much about it. 

Lol

1 hour ago, universe said:

Could be that the tension was just very high and you wanted an escape.

I have experienced similar situations and this was usually the cause. Tension like that has this tendency to put you into a kind of autopilot fight or flight response which makes you eject yourself from the situation without even really consciously deciding to do it. Your mind just sort of does it.

[NoSelfSelf]

You reject yourself the moment you say omg she attractive shes 9/10 taller than me...

And you reject yourself way before you approached her every time you percieve something that doesnt come from who you are but from outside world and how outside word percives it and you follow that instead follow your perception...

Too complicated to explain in one post..

You can toughen it up but you will always feel not worthy and run from that and pretend to be something you are not, you are run by outside word...

This is too deep thats why most advices dont ever work ?

 

Edited September 5, 2022 by NoSelfSelf

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=050mAG7O4LY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubOlsCr13q4

 

[Tyler Robinson]

You either felt shy or unsure or scared or all at the same time. 

Get rid of your underlying fears. 

[Federico del pueblo]

5 hours ago, assx95 said:

Midway her friend looked at her smiling and teasing that this guy ( I) am hitting on her.

"Absolutely ?".

5 hours ago, assx95 said:

And instead of going forward, I said - this is all I wanted to say and walked away. Idk why I walked away. 

Maybe because it felt good to get a positive response, so you preferred taking the validation over risking losing the validation later on?

[Breakingthewall]

well done. you let yourself flow, you said what you felt. You left because you felt it. you did exactly what had to be done

[hyruga]

Because you are afraid and also feel that you are not good enough. Time to get good.

[Dean Gladwyn]

The adrenaline must have been pumping to put you in a fight or flight response, specifically after her friend made a comment. She probably threw you off and caused you to stifle. You also already put the girl on a pedestal by saying she was taller than you, a 9/10, giving her more value than own self. 

Were you thinking about the outcome of the approach? If you were subconsciously telling yourself it was a high risk approach, you probably just acted to protect yourself from possible rejection. 

It's all good though, the next time you do it, you'll have that much more experience, and feel more confident. Kudos to you!

[Leo Gura]

On 9/5/2022 at 8:26 AM, assx95 said:

why I walked away. 

Because you have not trained yourself for months to be a closer.

After feeling the pain of losing 100 more girls even better than her, you will learn to close.

Edited September 7, 2022 by Leo Gura