Why is it so easy to go back to sleep even after incredible awakenings?

[KGrimes]

After working on spirituality for the last few years, I realised just how easy it is to "fall back to sleep". Even though I never go back to where I started, I do get tangled in all the material life stuff. Meditation, reading, contemplating, tripping etc. seems to last for periods at a time, and then the regular life takes you over. Taxes, fixing your car, taking care of your relatives, suffering, pain, sickness, depression, challenges - etc.

What it seems like to me, is that you first have to complete the game of regular life some how to be able to let it go and completely give yourself to God. What I mean by this: you must setup your material, physical life to be as easy and as comfortable as possible without too many distractions, have enough money to survive, be able to have decent living conditions, be happy with your relationships etc. to pursue spirituality. But it's never just that simple, because when you pursue these materialistic things, the balance scale is always tipping towards one direction. It does not seem to me that you can be a regular human from 9 to 5, and then spiritual human from 5 to 9. You are either enlightened or you are not. 

For me, being in my 20s it is hard to let go of these simple things, because you still kind of just started out in life and all it has to offer, especially when you have incredible realisations about our consciousness, no one seems to understand you, so something is always pulling you back into the dream. It's like that feeling of having to wake up in the early mornings when it's cold and dark outside, but your bed is the only thing that is warm and comfy, it's just so easy to fall asleep and ignore everything.

For me, that's how it is with spirituality and pursuing enlightenment. Yes, I understand that this is the single and the most important part of my existence, yet I still want to go out with my friends, I still want to drink, I want to party, I want to achieve a successful career, I want a nice house, a nice car, I KNOW THAT IT DOES NOT REALLY MATTER, but why do i still think about it? I want love and a passionate relationship, even when I know, deep inside, it's all a dream, there's only one thing that is real, and it is not necessarily what you thing it is.

The problem is that when you start on this path of discovering who you really are, you will never really go back to sleep. No matter how un-conscious you are, days at a time, there are glimpses and reminders of what reality truly is,  you can't just simply forget what you realised during your trips - that you are God, or that you realised how you are everything and nothing simultaneously, or the pure feeling of never ending ecstasy. So then, you feel bad living the regular life, because you should be pursuing spirituality, and you feel bad pursuing spirituality, because you are not quite there yet, and regular life is still interesting and addictive enough to pull you back in.

Perhaps these things take more than one life-time to figure out? 

And now, talking about past and future lives - who truly decides if this life is the one where I finally wake up for good? Is it all pre-planned? Or do I have the choice to surrender myself to God in every single life that I lived? On the other hand, if It was not meant for me to wake up in this life, then why did I discover the master's and their teachings, why do some unimaginably, un-explainable events happen that lead me towards finding myself?

[Someone here]

@KGrimes

habits/activities which you were trying to change/avoid returning... and returning with a vengeance .. that's what I believe it is.

Now, the important thing to note is that if/when it happens... know that there is nothing wrong with it. Just be aware that it is occurring... what else can YOU  do anyways. YOU do not control your actions/thoughts... only watch them. So, watch this play which is just another step on the path.

It's all part of the natural spontaneous unfolding of life ..out of anyone's control. Find peace in that.

[Arthogaan]

I can really relate to your post.

I am 24 years old and it also seems ever more obvious to me that if I want to achieve the level of abiding and living the awakenings that I experienced my whole life will have to be a vehicle for that. That you can't really abide fully also leaving a normal life. At least not until you rewire yourself fully.

I have to say that I was lucky in many cases, for example I had great friendships during high school so I already let go of that need.

I was lucky to meet the love of my live during university and have the most wholesome relationship. So that karma is also burned through.

And I am ever more tired of having to worry about money and logistics, so I am now in the process of acquiring enough saving that it will be enough for let's say 5-10 years of fully spontaneous life, during which I will not have to worry about money at all. And I will be able to 100% focus on expanding consciousness.
----

So I would say after there is awakening, you have some mixture of following spirituality with following your desires (Burning Through Karma: 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffHpix-YDIU&ab_channel=Actualized.org).
Then you realize how much you always fall back into sleep so you slowly increase your daily practice, but still simultaneously following your desires.
And then when you are ready, and you've burned through your karma and you can let go of that (because in the end it will still not satisfy you) you will start to fully structure your life for spirituality.

I don't know it that is universal, but thats how it is going for me. 

[Arthogaan]

 

[Breakingthewall]

Well, because you have to affirm, truly, from the heart, every second of your life: I give up on me. I give my complete self, I offer it. I give up my projects. I give up my ambition. I give up sex. I give up my body. I give up everything. I am a vehicle. I let me drive. I blindly trust. there is no more karma. there is only what is. the full depth. me. I open my heart to myself. I go to the cross with the nails, the lashes and all that, no problem. I am a slave, but a slave to me. I surrender my ego and I am absolute. I make a good deal: I give a dog shit in exchange for the entirety totality of existence.

Seems easy but it isn't. every time you choose the ego, you move away from the truth. Being further from the truth, it is easier to choose the ego again...and when you stop to observe it, you don't even remember that it was the truth...an idea perhaps?

Edited September 5, 2022 by Breakingthewall

[axiom]

@KGrimes Because then the self comes back online and turns it into an experience, a strategy, a new thing to achieve, to hope for, to apply in some way to living.

Edited September 5, 2022 by axiom

[Nilsi]

5 hours ago, KGrimes said:

For me, that's how it is with spirituality and pursuing enlightenment. Yes, I understand that this is the single and the most important part of my existence, yet I still want to go out with my friends, I still want to drink, I want to party, I want to achieve a successful career, I want a nice house, a nice car, I KNOW THAT IT DOES NOT REALLY MATTER, but why do i still think about it? I want love and a passionate relationship, even when I know, deep inside, it's all a dream, there's only one thing that is real, and it is not necessarily what you thing it is.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to experience these things. They are part of reality and, besides, there is really nothing else to do, but exploring yourself. 

[Razard86]

2 hours ago, Nilsi said:

There is nothing wrong with wanting to experience these things. They are part of reality and, besides, there is really nothing else to do, but exploring yourself. 

^ Besides....why do you think you are here? You wanted to be here. Why would you want to leave? If you recontextualize that God's greatest joy is to play God in a limited form you will understand.

Man is made in the image of God. What does that mean? God's image, is pure imagination. God grants its power of imagination to Man. So the image=imagination. God is a creator. Man is a creator. God is an infinite creator, Man is a finite creator. God is all alone, Man has other selves to interact with. God wants to build itself from the ground up, and becoming a creator in a limited form so it can experience the joy and struggles that come along with it. 

God can only play God with others and enjoy it, by creating others, and making it difficult to create. So God gets to have a life through you, get to play God in finite form through you, can share a life with OTHERS. What more could God want? Not only that....God gets to amaze itself with its creative ability...by forgetting its God and AWAKENING to itself through you and then marvel at its own creation!!!

Do you not realize the ridiculousness of all this? Its freaking amazing!!

[Tyler Robinson]

You might have to watch Leo's burning through karma video. 

You want all of that because you haven't fully burned through your karma yet. 

Once you do that and exhaust all your desires you won't feel these urges. 

For spiritual reasons, you have to give up these things at some point. 

They serve as a distraction and leave very little room for spiritual growth or practice. 

 

[Leo Gura]

Survival, it's a bitch.

Edited September 5, 2022 by Leo Gura

[RMQualtrough]

Don't know. It's fortunate though. I know all the airy-fairy people enjoy derealization, but strikes me immediately as horrifying... Any time it actually gets serious I regret having ever explored it and wish to forget.

Always makes me feel like a retard and mad that I listened to people promising it will make life so great etc. finding myself in an inescapable state of dissociation. And fortunately it goes away.

[Razard86]

35 minutes ago, RMQualtrough said:

Don't know. It's fortunate though. I know all the airy-fairy people enjoy derealization, but strikes me immediately as horrifying... Any time it actually gets serious I regret having ever explored it and wish to forget.

Always makes me feel like a retard and mad that I listened to people promising it will make life so great etc. finding myself in an inescapable state of dissociation. And fortunately it goes away.

I'm sorry to hear that.... If I could I would put my hand on your shoulder like in the picture...