Working on body language

[Farnaby]

HI! Lately I have socialized more than usual and I've noticed how much I have to improve in this area lol

I find it amazing how much any person can influence the energy of a whole group and I'd like to contribute to positive energy more often because my shyness tends to make me kind of invisible to other people. 

Anyways, my question is specifically about body language. Whenever I notice that I'm projecting insecurity I try to change my body posture, take up more space instead of going into "shell-mode". The "problem" is that I feel awkward and vulnerable and I can't help thinking: "stop acting confident when you're not, people are going to notice." It feels like imposter-syndrome. At the same time, staying in "shell-mode" sucks even more. It feels like I freeze/shut-down (sometimes I even dissociate a bit and zone out) and I feel a bit pathetic and sad afterwards because I can see how this makes people respect me less or at least not as enthusiastic about spending time with me.

So my question is: is this just a normal part when you're trying out new behaviors? or should I change the way I'm working on my confidence and my body language?

Thank you  

[JosephKnecht]

On 01/09/2022 at 10:56 PM, Farnaby said:

Whenever I notice that I'm projecting insecurity I try to change my body posture, take up more space instead of going into "shell-mode". The "problem" is that I feel awkward and vulnerable and I can't help thinking: "stop acting confident when you're not, people are going to notice."

Get out of your head. 

Be genuine and don't think too much about what other people think. 

If you are comfortable in your own skin, other people would be able to be comfortable with you also. 

On 01/09/2022 at 10:56 PM, Farnaby said:

So my question is: is this just a normal part when you're trying out new behaviors? or should I change the way I'm working on my confidence and my body language?

Try behavior that comes naturally to you. 

[Farnaby]

Yes, I think I need to give myself more permission to express freely.

So many years of shyness make it difficult to know what is natural/genuine. The shyness has kind of become "natural" but I know it's not how I really am because when I'm comfortable I can be very talkative, love to dance to music and vibe with people, etc.

[Nilsi]

Its kinda tricky. If you want to project a confident alpha male body language, you will have to fake it at first and it may feel and look a bit pathetic, but youre conditioning yourself to eventually be like that without "trying." Whether this is a meaningful pursuit, is something you must decide for yourself. 

[Farnaby]

@Nilsi I would prefer to actually feel confident so I can project confidence without faking it ?

[universe]

An easy way to bring energy into a group is by being fun and relaxed.

If you want to relax I'm afraid you will have to stop caring too much about what others think of you.

If you want to relax I'm afraid you will have to trust the present moment.

If you want to relax I'm afraid you will have to go into your body and out of your head.

If you want to relax I'm afraid you will have to be less afraid of things.

[Nilsi]

16 hours ago, Farnaby said:

@Nilsi I would prefer to actually feel confident so I can project confidence without faking it ?

If you're talking about "alpha" confidence, it's fake it till you make it. You can also just be naturally confident and accepting of yourself, though that might not be a reliable approach to get "respect."