I feel like I cannot be myself around girls..

[SamC]

One pointer is that you are afraid to get rejected by them because you reject yourself and even more so, you are afraid of rejecting yourself. What does rejecting something mean? It means not taking one part of yourself as yourself.

You are afraid of rejecting yourself

You are afraid of that loop which makes it come back because you are afraid of being afraid. You won't solve this by trying to not be afraid of being rejected, you can only solve it if you become okey with being rejected which in your case means being okey with you feeling afraid of being rejected <<<< Thats your internalised feeling of rejection and shame - Being something which you shouldn't be. ( Afraid of being rejected)

Contemplate this.

• What's wrong with rejecting yourself?
• What's wrong with not rejecting yourself?
• What's wrong with rejecting other people?

Edited September 2, 2022 by SamC

[something_else]

5 hours ago, Illusory Self said:

@something_else

What's even worse is I find it hard to be compassionate towards others. I am always taking. 

I was. No, I even get these anxieties when I am typing to you right now. 

Maybe I could of said something better... always second guessing every action I take. 

Yes, I want to around 10-15 different schools and was isolated/bullied in most of them. Had toxic friends who used to bully me a lot also. My past is primarily based on people not being nice to me. Of course it is not, just wanted beliefs and conditioning. I know I must love myself more and not hate myself so much. 

It's a learning experience and I could of had it worse. Spending years playing computer games and not really talking to anyone probably did not help. 

It sounds like social anxiety. Or at the very least you are similar to me. I was also bullied and also grew up mostly playing games rather than socialising. And I feel like I’m in a similar spot to you where even validation from others doesn’t help me overcome the root anxieties

I can’t really offer you a great solution if I’m honest, because I haven’t found one. It does help to force yourself to socialise and re-wire your brain to not be scared of people and expressing yourself to them

I’ve been focusing for that on the past year and I do feel like I’ve made progress. I think it’s a long journey but as long as you keep taking action you will make progress. That is my plan, anyway

Good luck my man. You sound like a decent dude at your core, you shouldn’t be worried about people judging you. Just learn to be you around others and fuck the consequences

[Illusory Self]

21 hours ago, Tyler Robinson said:

@Illusory Self can I know your zodiac sign? 

Taurus

[Tyler Robinson]

@Illusory Self you suffer fear and insecurities that you need to get over. 

 

[Illusory Self]

16 hours ago, something_else said:

It sounds like social anxiety. Or at the very least you are similar to me. I was also bullied and also grew up mostly playing games rather than socialising. And I feel like I’m in a similar spot to you where even validation from others doesn’t help me overcome the root anxieties

I can’t really offer you a great solution if I’m honest, because I haven’t found one. It does help to force yourself to socialise and re-wire your brain to not be scared of people and expressing yourself to them

I’ve been focusing for that on the past year and I do feel like I’ve made progress. I think it’s a long journey but as long as you keep taking action you will make progress. That is my plan, anyway

Good luck my man. You sound like a decent dude at your core, you shouldn’t be worried about people judging you. Just learn to be you around others and fuck the consequences

@something_else 

@Tyler Robinson

Just got rejected by this super attractive girl who I slept with 3 times. It feels harder sleeping with a lot of girls and having them reject you after but I think it is slowly diminishing. I think I have to really fuck up for a girl to reject me after having sex with her multiple times right.  Sucks because we had a lot in common. When she was over on Weds, I was super fearful in the bedroom, communication, everything. 

Yeah I know, I will keep taking action. Just gets really emotionally challenging at times. My reality is of that of been rejected. That is my worldview. I have such little positive reference experiences to go on. Can kind of become a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

It's worse when I lose girls that I would get along really well with if that fear was not there. I am even starting to feel shame when I have sex with them now. The whole experience of being with a girl feels very strange/foreign/weird/uncomfortable. 

Do I go full on monk mode and try to develop a solid foundation for my life or deal with these emotional upheavals by practicing socialising at the same time? 

Kind of really tempted to give socialising like a 6 months break while I go hardcore into my business without any distractions and turn myself into a high value man. The thing is I have money problems also so I am conflicted between the 2. 

 

[Ulax]

Lmao as tends to be the case I second what Raze says.

Unless you are rather dissociated then I'd recommend Janina Fisher's work