The Exhausting Cycle Of Looking For Happiness.

[The White Belt]

Hey guys.

All the time i'm looking for something to make me feel fulfilled and happy.

I get all excited about a new thing or hobby, a new place to travel. I get into it, and then i'm back to feeling empty and unhappy.

I traveled Asia, and don't get me wrong it was special, but there's always this underlying dissatisfaction, and then I look back on the memories of my trip, and I feel like i'd like to go back, but then I remind myself it wasn't all that, you know? It's like I can't appreciate things properly. Also i'm really bad at bullshitting myself into believing i'm enthusiastic and happy.

Currently, i'm in Spain on a sort of exchange. Once again, it's nice to be here, but also I just don't feel like the happiness I imagined I would get is with me at all. It feels mundane. Everything does.

Is the only way to break this cycle of chasing things, enlightenment?  

Is there anything else I can do? Does anybody else feel this way often?

 

Thanks.

Edited February 13, 2017 by BeginnerActualizer

[SchallUndRauch]

Enlightenment is something different. It would certainly help you to understand, why you are the way you are, but it's not the only way to fix problems. You're still looking at externals to decide if you should be happy or not, if the way you write is any indication. Watch this and take it to heart. Also happiness is such a broadly used term in our culture. In a good mood? Happy. Not majorly depressed like the rest of the western world? Happy. Just listened to a great song and got a nice dopamine hit from it? Happy. Financially well off enough to live a good life? You should be happy, right? A simple trick that's still helping me every day is redefining what you're really looking for. Language matters. I found serenity a much better term for what I am looking for than happiness, but that's probably gonna be different for you.

[Arman]

I think it is about what the mind, brain and body are energetically trained with. The states that we are most often experiencing become more and more magnetized and they become our baseline. For most of us, that baseline is the feeling of discontent and seeking - so even if we shift into something else temporarily such as the experience of satisfaction or happiness, then it is short lived because the energetic state that we've practiced most is that of unhappiness, powerlessness, desire, etc, and it pulls us back to its center like a magnet automatically because that is how the brain and energetic system has been grooved as the path of least resistance. This is the heartbreaking reality of the masses who are taught to desire and work hard until they have what they want.  

Therefore I think it is useful for one to practice happiness regardless of circumstance. To learn how to sit and cultivate contentment and happiness by simply sitting. That way you learn that happiness is created within and not without. Then we can cultivate the experience more and more often, and consciously bring it into life so often that it becomes more and more magnetized. Eventually when we stop feeding the other reality of powerlessness, it loses its momentum and the body and mind become habituated to another experience that can become the baseline.

Then, instead of being unhappy most of the time, then temporarily happy, and automatically drawn back into unhappiness - we are instead happy most of the time, then temporarily unhappy, and automatically drawn back into happiness, because that is the most practiced state. 

Edited February 13, 2017 by Arman

[Guivs]

This is a great posting @BeginnerActualizer.

Yes, indeed, it's relatively true. When we look into things, people, and even spirituality for happiness, we end up being dissatisfied.

And, as far as we know, we have always been doing this, so it is really hard to break free of this cycle. 

Enlightenment, therefore, seems to be the only way out.

This quest is tricky business, and only a few of us will not get trapped in some form of spiritual materialism, thinking : "I am enlightened, now"

This is why this forum is great, because here people can support each other on this path, and it would be close to impossible to find the superhumane dilligence, effort, honesty and motivation needed to "become enlightened" without such group of support.

This is why relating with a teacher who has travelled the path is very important, too. 

In any case, your honesty is refreshing and much needed

"act in such a way that you will not be ashamed of yourself." ( Milarepa)  is a good advice at this point.

 

 

 

[Nahm]

@BeginnerActualizer Sounds like you have tried getting your happiness from experiences to no avail. I suggest you pick up a hobby that you enjoy, that you can do alone, and that develops your focus. For me this is playing guitar and singing. The knowing that you don't need to go places or have any circumstances to bring happiness makes going places and circumstances much more enjoyable. 

Also, look for the beauty in the little things. 

[Martin123]

@BeginnerActualizer Im gonna bring in a little knaawledge that I accumulated about the energy in your body, emotions and chakra system.

Base line is this.
Whenever you feel continuous lasting dystatisfaction, your emotional system is out of wack. 
You have repressed trauma stored in your body. You can look at it as mood being amost physiological rather than "mental" (whatever that would mean). 

Mood is a biological addiction in your body.

Why?

You have experienced trauma in your past, situations that were emotionally distressing, but you didn't allow yourself to express the emotion properly. It got stored within your nervous system, and blocked the energy flow which would bring clarity, and underlying happiness that comes with being aligned with reality.

Emotionally and energetically you are living a fragment of what you're capable of as a human being.

Bring in the chakra system.

What you wanna focus here on is the first 4 chakras
- starting from the top

- heart
- solar plexus
- sacral 
- root

Once you cleanse all of those, not only you gain clarity, but you will as well gain the ability to integrate your "lower-self" (which you can see as the manifestation of the energy of the first 3 chakras) into enlightenment work and wisdom.

How - not that complex really, the hard part is sticking with it because it is a lenghty process.

Use the following techniques:
- Pranic/Abdominal breathing
- talking therapy
- mindfulness meditation
- emotional release techniques, from body-work to yoga, exercise
>> remember, always have the intention to release trauma, and the right technique will come to you in time
what is the saying.... "teacher comes, when student is ready"??  something like that =D.

This is just a quick summary, do more research on this, watch Leo's videos on emotions and EQ, read up on chakras and emotional repression, there is some great stuff out there, recently I posted on this forum a topic with a video "Shadow-work meets biology", look it up.

Remember, your base-line is contentment. Our bodies are hard-wired for bliss. Shit just got in the way.
 

Edited February 13, 2017 by Martin123

[Martin123]

10 minutes ago, Guivs said:

Enlightenment, therefore, seems to be the only way out.

What you cal "Enlightenment" is actually ego-repression and escapism. Don't fucking do that.
Enlightenment is not a "way out". =D
Don't be retarded bro.

[Toby]

The enlightenment process is actually a lot like sobering up from an addiction that promises satisfaction. It might feel dry and boring at times but this is a very important phase in that process imo. It's not that you do or don't do things, but as long as you try to get happiness from experiences, even spiritual experiences or states, it will not make you happy.

[Guivs]

36 minutes ago, Martin123 said:

What you cal "Enlightenment" is actually ego-repression and escapism. Don't fucking do that.
Enlightenment is not a "way out". =D
Don't be retarded bro.

@Martin123 This was not the intended meaning, my bad  

Enlightenment is a way out, in the sense that it is the end of all repressions and escapism to what is. Quite the oppisite, in fact.

I see your point though, it was not a wise choice of words in that context. 

[Martin123]

@Guivs Yeah well... I am not gonna say much but know that words tell a lot about our subconscious. May be a little pointer for you.

[Guivs]

@Martin123 OK, I'll keep it in mind, thanks for your opinion. 

[Dodo]

2 hours ago, BeginnerActualizer said:

Hey guys.

All the time i'm looking for something to make me feel fulfilled and happy.

I get all excited about a new thing or hobby, a new place to travel. I get into it, and then i'm back to feeling empty and unhappy.

I traveled Asia, and don't get me wrong it was special, but there's always this underlying dissatisfaction, and then I look back on the memories of my trip, and I feel like i'd like to go back, but then I remind myself it wasn't all that, you know? It's like I can't appreciate things properly. Also i'm really bad at bullshitting myself into believing i'm enthusiastic and happy.

Currently, i'm in Spain on a sort of exchange. Once again, it's nice to be here, but also I just don't feel like the happiness I imagined I would get is with me at all. It feels mundane. Everything does.

Is the only way to break this cycle of chasing things, enlightenment?  

Is there anything else I can do? Does anybody else feel this way often?

 

Thanks.

Look for Roger Castillo on youtube, he might hold the answers you need.

[Azrael]

2 hours ago, BeginnerActualizer said:

Is the only way to break this cycle of chasing things, enlightenment?

Enlightenment - at least in the first stages - might not even completely solve this problem. It goes deeper then just realizing who you are. You could know who you are and still be shitty a lot - because your unconsciousness brings up all this shit. Enlightenment will probably help you to a degree with that, but deeper inner work is required here - shadow work / integrative work.

2 hours ago, BeginnerActualizer said:

Is there anything else I can do? Does anybody else feel this way often?

Yeah, I feel this a lot because I'm involved in so much stuff I love and this takes up energy and mind space - of course. However, I've found a lot of peace with this happening through one of the realizations I had on 5-MeO-DMT.

Quote Azrael: "In every moment you are consciously and freely choosing how you feel, what you are aware of and what you think."

Now, this is quite contradictory to what we know from out first-hand experience. I mean, I - me personally - didn't choose to be fucked up, unfulfilled and unhappy, right?

Well, I'd suggest that most of us are not conscious at all for most periods of the day. I'd call it a dream state in which there is the illusion of being conscious. And I'd also state that we do consciously choose to be in that dream state to experience it in the first place. 

So, when you do 5-MeO-DMT you get conscious and you can see that you choose to be in every moment like you are. But this state of being conscious is far greater - we might call it super-conscious - then our normal sense of being right here.

Now, the solution to your problem is this: Because you cannot become conscious right now (w/o 5-MeO-DMT) and it will take some time to get there, you can fully trust that you - yeah really you - choose super-consciously to feel like you feel right now. Feel into this trust. You really want to be like that right now. And if you develop that trust a lot of the resistance and through that the suffering of your current state will fall away.

Now one thing to be said about this. You might ask yourself why you are choosing to be in a dream state and happy and unfulfilled. This is quite strange to the normal ego that seeks happiness. Well, just imagine you would be God and could do whatever you wanted to do and you do all of this simultaneously. One of the possible scenarios is you right now. 

So trust in that and feel into it. I have a phrase on my whiteboard next to me that I wrote down instantly after my last 5-MeO-DMT trip because I knew that I would forget what I was conscious of then. And this phrase is:

"What did you forget?"

Cheers, Az

[PureExp]

9 hours ago, BeginnerActualizer said:

Does anybody else feel this way often?

I guess everybody ends up frustrated when they chase happiness in the material things. Some hoard money and stuff all life, some end up in countless relations, some travel, eat a ton of food, play or get into adventures of all sorts. In the end, these things bring a momentary amusement, a distraction that appears like happiness. Ancient wisdom tells us that happiness is not to be found in external stuff. Pleasures don't last, they turn into a pain quickly. Contentment and satisfaction, not greed for more or anxiety that you are not really happy, is the key.

Ultimately, you find that both happiness and suffering are just states of mind, they are impermanent like any other mental stuff, illusory. There is infinite peace that lies in the background, which is the witness (consciousness). Its neither happy nor sad, its a blissful peace.

That realization (call it enlightenment if you like), will not automatically make you "happy", you will need to get rid of the need to "become happy". That involves detachment and cultivating equanimity. That alone can stop the mad egoic pursuit of happiness and avoidance of suffering.

[The White Belt]

Thanks everyone for your inputs. Every one had valid points.

I love having a platform to be brutally honest, I feel like nothing is a taboo here. It's a special forum indeed.

I watched Leo's video today on moralizing for the first time, and I actually feel like maybe a large part of my issue is feeling as though I SHOULD be happy. Hey, i'm in another country, I can do this, and that, and I SHOULD be happy.

Maybe I should just like go of that assumption. That I should be happy, and relax into whatever emotions come up at whichever time. I think this will be a help alongside what you guys are saying.