I want my relationship with my girlfriend to become more conscious

[Atb210201]

I'm dealing with my girlfriend's expectations of me and this is not a new thing we've been in relationship for 10 months and everytime something happens and she gets bothered by me or hurt by what I did she becomes totally loose and just gives me hard time all the time and I always try to understand and love and accept her sadness towards me and accept my faults and the things I did or said that have hurt her and talk to her about them and telling her that I would work on my behavior to make it better for our relationship and for her and I mean I really feel for her and stay calm with her and try to stay conscious to not say things out of my own selfishness and really try to make it better for her but I'm feeling everytime I'm doing it now and everytime we get into a new argument about something she just gets more and more disappointed with me and blames me more and more for not realizing her emotions yet after all the time we had been together and makes it harder and harder and harder for me 

Even for the things I have not done she gets bothered sometimes Like tonight she got bothered for me not being supportive of her reacting furiously to a guy who said something about her which I thought was true from his perspective but she got hurt that I did not support her in their argument and is still mad at me right now after all I did was to try to figure out why she was sad and make it up to her but she doesn't want anything from me anymore not my understanding of her situation not my promises not me trying to tell her that I think she shouldn't have been the one starting an argument with that guy no nothing

I just feel like sometimes she just isn't aware of some of her own behaviors and even if I tried to tell her about this issue she would get mad and call me you just think you know everything and just get upset and cold on me

 

I don't know is there a problem in me that she's acting this way all the time even though I always stay calm and try to work things out maybe there is

But also if she should become more aware of her self can I trust that she will naturally become more aware of her self as we keep going or I should make her more aware of herself by telling her some of her blindspots which if I do I'm now always afraid that she takes them the wrong way and get more mad at me for pointing out to her that some of her behaviors are also childish sometimes

I don't really know at this point what should I do I've let it go for now

 

[NoSelfSelf]

We had many posts like this, i think it all comes from lack of structure, so she knows she can do whatever and there is no repercussion to her actions.She can feel that there is no rock no structure in you,so shes becaming more and more aggitated and losing respect.

And i dont know what else are you doing...

 

Edited August 29, 2022 by NoSelfSelf

[Atb210201]

@NoSelfSelf I don't know when it comes to being conscious in every situation I should be one to put her on more importance than anyone else in relative situations

I want to make our relationship better but I still want to be integrated within myself in judging every situation consciously and I feel like sometimes when I try to do that she wants me to put more importance on her

[NoSelfSelf]

@Atb210201 thats where you are messing up! you are not concious of relationship dynamic, you cant ever put more importance on her than on yourself ,thats what we call a simp and someone whos weak and pander for a woman and thats why she is acting like that!

Its all on you, what is needed to be done to make things work(your job)(that you put in her hands not knowin) looking for anything outside yourself(your girlfriend) will make you lose yourself in her and now shes putting you in position to limit you and put expectations on you instead you putting expectations on her and leading the situation... shes also in your mind right now there is no room for you...thats all i can say from what you wrote...

[Atb210201]

@NoSelfSelf no man that's not good advice thank you

[NoSelfSelf]

@Atb210201 Im trying to save your relationship that is sinking faster than you think...you are your worst enemy keep being "concious" and she will keep disrespecting 2+2 thing...

[Atb210201]

@NoSelfSelf I do put some expectations on her too this is not the job of only one person in any relationship to say only men should do this or only women should do this come on it's not a one way street it's a relationship we care about each other so we try to save the relationship all the time

I just have been noticing some of her behaviors that I thought to myself also that was gonna make our relationship hard later on but now that I reflect on it again it's okay anything that happens I'll be more straight forward with her and this it self will solve most of the problems

Thank you though I really appreciate your comments 

[NoSelfSelf]

@Atb210201 No problem my phylosophy is better to lose her than myself so i wouldnt compromise that much...

[Ulax]

Sounds to me like you're pretty codependent. She seems more towards the narcissistic end. It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me. 

I'd read the book, 'You are the one you have been waiting for' by Schwartz.

Imo you basically need to get yourself into a secure attachment style to have a fulfilling relationship. I think that can only really be done via a depth psychotherapy of some sort.

[Atb210201]

@NoSelfSelf We just talked and everything is fine

[Atb210201]

@Ulax I don't like these relationship lables I prefer sadhguru's insights on relationships more than anything else he says relationships are never absolute they are variables that needs to be taken care of and nourished all the time and if you love someone you're willing to compromise everything with them

But i would definitely check what you've suggested too thank you

Edited August 29, 2022 by Atb210201

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Az41hkLie6I

[Atb210201]

@Raze He's just talking about candy what does it have to do with the topic?

[Nilsi]

The way you improve this is by developing yourself to be more grounded and non-reactive and then modeling that behavior to her. You can not fix her, you can only fix yourself and step up your game. In my experience, you have to be pretty stoic to attempt having conscious relationships, but of course it always takes two, so there is only so much you can do. Daniel Schmachtenberger is a great role model for conscious communication, maybe you can pick up a thing or two from him. In the end, most people dont even want to have a conscious relationship, it takes so much maturity and commitment, and most people would rather keep their sloppy ways, so you should probably do a deep inquiry as to whether this is actually something you want to embody at this point in your life.

[Ulax]

12 hours ago, Atb210201 said:

@Ulax I don't like these relationship lables I prefer sadhguru's insights on relationships more than anything else he says relationships are never absolute they are variables that needs to be taken care of and nourished all the time and if you love someone you're willing to compromise everything with them

But i would definitely check what you've suggested too thank you

@Atb210201 Okay dude, you're welcome.

Best of luck with things.

[Atb210201]

@Nilsi Your words were helpful a lot actually I'm gonna think about them for sure thank you

[Atb210201]

@Ulax Thanks very much❤️

[integral]

@Atb210201 This is the trick, the only thing that matters is having good positive experiences with her. Not the truth, not fixing things, not changing things. Give all that up. 

This is the plan, have 10 good experience with her this week. Focus on that. Plan it, craft it, do it. 

[integral]

On 8/29/2022 at 5:42 PM, Atb210201 said:

Even for the things I have not done she gets bothered sometimes Like tonight she got bothered for me not being supportive of her reacting furiously to a guy who said something about her which I thought was true from his perspective but she got hurt that I did not support her in their argument and is still mad at me right now after all I did was to try to figure out why she was sad and make it up to her but she doesn't want anything from me anymore not my understanding of her situation not my promises not me trying to tell her that I think she shouldn't have been the one starting an argument with that guy no nothing

Beginner mistake. All that matters is how she feels, the truth is irrelevant. Female energy vs masculine energy conflict.

Your job during conversation is making her feel good (feminine) NOT WHAT YOU THINK IS TRUE (masculine). 

The more developed person in the relationship tends to take on the responsibility of keeping the relationships together. 

---

If you want her to truly grow, then she needs to catch the self-development bug (intrinsic motivation). 

Edited September 1, 2022 by integral

[Tyler Robinson]

2 hours ago, integral said:

The more developed person in the relationship tends to take on the responsibility of keeping the relationships together. 

You need to push her actually.