Unrealistic Views

[Devin]

Any good ways besides experience obviously, to test your views on things. The issue I'm kicking around right now is I appear to have an unrealistic idea of the type of people I can find to be friends with.

I've been meeting a lot of people and they just don't seem to be the level of wise, and down to earth; you might say conscious, that I was thinking I could find if I put in enough work. How do I tell if im deluded? At some point you have to accept the data you've found and interpolate from it, I'm about to do that but I know it may be a mistake.

Just sidenote because I assume people might go this way; Something unexpected and perhaps because I've been accumulating the "data", is I keep feeling less and less like I need what I was looking for, I'm not sure if this is good though, it goes against the teachings of being selective about your close friend group,

I see toxicity in everyone, not to the level where I wouldn't enjoy the relationship, but im not at a place where most people wouldn't be able to bring me down at least temporarily anyways.

Edited August 29, 2022 by Devin

[Tyler Robinson]

Why do you think they're toxic? 

Be specific and concise. Not vague. 

 

[Devin]

53 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Why do you think they're toxic? 

Be specific and concise. Not vague. 

 

-limited world views: they think you sometimes have to compromise your values to survive in society. Our lives are somewhat at the behest of others. Working jobs they don't want to.

-fear: our lives depend on society, don't step out of line, they're afraid to live how they want, to be themselves, afraid to be judged, they chimp expressions and mannerisms and what they like, follow the crowd

-materialistic: insecure, acquiring debt unnecessarily burdening themselves all while cornering themselves into jobs and lives they don't love.

Edited August 30, 2022 by Devin

[puporing]

It's hard to find people who have "stepped out" of the herd.. but you might get lucky still. I think the "nerd crowd" and "artists types" has more chance of those or more tolerance for it.

[Devin]

6 minutes ago, puporing said:

It's hard to find people who have "stepped out" of the herd.. but you might get lucky still. I think the "nerd crowd" and "artists types" has more chance of those or more tolerance for it.

Exactly how I feel; they're still part of the herd. They're not free birds

[puporing]

4 minutes ago, Devin said:

Exactly how I feel; they're still part of the herd. They're not free birds

Yeah you're out of luck except maybe this forum. ???

[Nilsi]

If you drop your expectations and just accept people for what they are, you can have meaningful relationships regardless. Most people you meet will never satisfy your standards of wisdom and consciousness, so thats just something you have to accept and take it from there. The biggest trap is putting yourself above those people and interacting with them from a place of superiority; you will never genuinely connect with anyone that way. Set the frame of "were both humans and in this thing together" and treat people like your equals not your inferiors, and you will make genuine, deep and satisfying connections with them. This is all about loosening up and not taking yourself so seriously.

[Devin]

1 hour ago, Nilsi said:

If you drop your expectations and just accept people for what they are, you can have meaningful relationships regardless. Most people you meet will never satisfy your standards of wisdom and consciousness, so thats just something you have to accept and take it from there. The biggest trap is putting yourself above those people and interacting with them from a place of superiority; you will never genuinely connect with anyone that way. Set the frame of "were both humans and in this thing together" and treat people like your equals not your inferiors, and you will make genuine, deep and satisfying connections with them. This is all about loosening up and not taking yourself so seriously.

I agree, the thing im looking at is how the people closest to you affect your thinking.

[Nilsi]

11 minutes ago, Devin said:

I agree, the thing im looking at is how the people closest to you affect your thinking.

They will impact your thinking a lot of course. The old saying of "you are the product of the 5 people you spend the most time with" is quite accurate. You can still go about this consciously and integrate these personalities into yours, without them interfering with your values and principles. For example I sometimes catch myself speaking like my boss; when I do, that gives me the opportunity to transcend this unconscious acting out and integrate it into my self, where it is now part of my repertoir of behavior, that I can consciously engage in (i.e. individuation). This is pretty much in line with Jungs "Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious" and may be a bit woo, but I think it kinda helps to keep in mind.

[Devin]

2 minutes ago, Nilsi said:

They will impact your thinking a lot of course. The old saying of "you are the product of the 5 people you spend the most time with" is quite accurate. You can still go about this consciously and integrate these personalities into yours, without them interfering with your values and principles. For example I sometimes catch myself speaking like my boss; when I do, that gives me the opportunity to transcend this unconscious acting out and integrate it into my self, where it is now part of my repertoir of behavior, that I can consciously engage in (i.e. individuation). This is pretty much in line with Jungs "Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious" and may be a bit woo, but I think it kinda helps to keep in mind.

Thank you, that aligns with what I've been thinking.

[gettoefl]

you either follow their agenda or you want to impose your agenda

enlightenment mirrors the former, they are perfect and you need to marvel at them not have them learn your ultimate truth

if you are running into negativity then realize that all triggers are teachers, the lower their consciousness the more your awakening gets a work out

[Devin]

7 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

you either follow their agenda or you want to impose your agenda

enlightenment mirrors the former, they are perfect and you need to marvel at them not have them learn your ultimate truth

if you are running into negativity then realize that all triggers are teachers, the lower their consciousness the more your awakening gets a work out

yeah I'm not trying to avoid negativity at all costs, I just thought I would find a few stellar people for like a retreat once in a while from the negative ones.

[gettoefl]

45 minutes ago, Devin said:

yeah I'm not trying to avoid negativity at all costs, I just thought I would find a few stellar people for like a retreat once in a while from the negative ones.

best retreat is solitary i would say, if you want a group setting you can do a goenka vipassana retreat, i just did a 10-day one and it is hard core and punishing but worthwhile and at the end you meet a ton of cool cats, it is almost worth the retreat just to meet the fellow travellers

[Devin]

51 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

best retreat is solitary i would say, if you want a group setting you can do a goenka vipassana retreat, i just did a 10-day one and it is hard core and punishing but worthwhile and at the end you meet a ton of cool cats, it is almost worth the retreat just to meet the fellow travellers

Noted, thanks

 

Yes I love solitary retreat, just when I used to think about the life i was going for I envisioned a few, like even just two stellar close friends that would be a positive or neutral impact on you. I always imagined I would have others that weren't and I wasn't just okay with that I wanted it and still do, that's also enjoyable.

[Nilsi]

20 minutes ago, Devin said:

Noted, thanks

 

Yes I love solitary retreat, just when I used to think about the life i was going for I envisioned a few, like even just two stellar close friends that would be a positive or neutral impact on you. I always imagined I would have others that weren't and I wasn't just okay with that I wanted it and still do, that's also enjoyable.

The logic of "you are the product of the 5 people you spend the most time with" also applys to the people you spend time with. If you actually commit to these relationships and model good behavior in them, you may inspire them to go to a retreat with you. These things take time, but I have gotten some of my best buddys to meditate, contemplate, take psychedelics, take their personal development seriously, get curious about Life, prototyping their Life Purpose etc. just from embodying and radiating these things myself.

Also, this will create a virtuous cycle between those friends, where if I leave them alone, they will mutually reinforce those tendencies in each other to some degree, and maybe even spread it to their friends. This is the intelligence in the logic of "be the change you want to see." 

Edited August 30, 2022 by Nilsi

[Devin]

5 hours ago, Nilsi said:

The logic of "you are the product of the 5 people you spend the most time with" also applys to the people you spend time with. If you actually commit to these relationships and model good behavior in them, you may inspire them to go to a retreat with you. These things take time, but I have gotten some of my best buddys to meditate, contemplate, take psychedelics, take their personal development seriously, get curious about Life, prototyping their Life Purpose etc. just from embodying and radiating these things myself.

Also, this will create a virtuous cycle between those friends, where if I leave them alone, they will mutually reinforce those tendencies in each other to some degree, and maybe even spread it to their friends. This is the intelligence in the logic of "be the change you want to see." 

Great point, very relieving to think about! I feel very confident in the decision now.

Edited August 30, 2022 by Devin