Infinity is wasted on a mad god

[Holykael]

Infinity contains jaw dropping beauty and majesty but since god is a depraved unbiased entity it doesn't do its own infinity justice. Why ever experience mediocrity and misery. Infinity never runs out no matter which part you zoom in so why ever experience any hell or boring stuff, maybe once to learn what it's like but beyond that it's madness. 

However there is an infinity of boring and hellish shit that god wants to experience while hating the experience of it as its ego. This is an exercise in extreme masochism. God is not perfect at all, infinity is wasted on God and forever will be. All that intelligence and it's wasted.

God wants to experience being some deranged mofo who likes to eat shit.

God wants to experience being scammed.

God wants to experience being horribly maimed and raped.

God wants to waste millions of years doing boring, menial and meaningless work.

God wants to be Reek from Game of Thrones.

God wants to be in a hellfire of pain for 10000 years.

Infinity is wasted on god. You have to make a choice and be selective because it never runs out but god has no bias so it makes no real selection, anything goes. So it's basically like a lottery ticket on what you'll get. It might as well be random. It's so bad... This is the opposite of goodness, it's awful, horrible and absolutely deranged.

Masochism is not a commendable trait, in fact it's the most despicable trait I can think of. God is a prideless vermin, an absolute bottom feeder.

This ego is temporary and will never win. I didn't ask to be born, I utterly despise god and my own existence. My life is not worth existing in the grand scheme of infinity and yet I exist. I'm not worth existing, I am a waste of time. I would make a much better god than the "selfless" monstrosity that is running the show. If only I had access to the resources of infinity. But no, Im stuck here living the life of an utter fool.

The definition of evil is god hurting itself and it does that all the time and most of the time it's senseless. Hurting yourself could make sense in the grand scheme of an epic story but it's always questionable.

We can go meta and understand that god is writing these words, the vermin is absolutely conscious of its own madness but it doesn't bend. It continues to be mad and calls it love. There is no love in what's happening here. No love in torturing yourself, no love in being in hell for no reason, no love in spending a lifetime of cleaning toilets. Saying love is everything is mental illness. God should be restrained, freedom is wasted on the unbiased. Freedom is only valued by someone who is biased and has preferences. God doesn't value freedom because god spends eternities in chains as a slave.

God is a never ending eternal nightmare. I would be paradise in comparison, a beautiful dream but I will die and cease to exist while the nightmare remains.

Edited August 30, 2022 by Holykael

[Someone here]

Dude ..are you even conscious of absolute infinity?  Or did you just borrow this idea from leo ? Be honest with yourself. 

If its causing you so much mental suffering.. Then drop it. And pick a hobby or something positive. 

[Holykael]

4 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Dude ..are you even conscious of absolute infinity?  Or did you just borrow this idea from leo ? Be honest with yourself. 

If its causing you so much mental suffering.. Then drop it. And pick a hobby or something positive. 

Im conscious of how horrifying it is. I don't even care that it contains an infinity of goodness and fun when the other half exists.

[ZzzleepingBear]

Let me ask you this. Have you ever felt the opposite of the list of bad things you just described?

[Kshantivadin]

@Holykael it does get better bro, don't forget this, you will integrate anything you experienced, any insight - and you will understand even better - give it time. everything conditioned is impermanent

[Someone here]

5 minutes ago, Holykael said:

Im conscious of how horrifying it is. I don't even care that it contains an infinity of goodness and fun when the other half exists.

Lemme ask you this ? Is this "infinity " present in your experience right now ? Like can you touch it ? Taste it? See it ? Smell it ? Or is it just a concept /belief you hold ?

[Holykael]

1 minute ago, Someone here said:

Lemme ask you this ? Is this "infinity " present in your experience right now ? Like can you touch it ? Taste it? See it ? Smell it ? Or is it just a concept /belief you hold ?

I am being it

[Someone here]

1 minute ago, Holykael said:

I am being it

Please elaborate. 

[Holykael]

1 minute ago, Someone here said:

Please elaborate. 

It's just being. There's no need to elaborate. I'm being a particular configuration of infinity in the eternal present.

[Holykael]

15 minutes ago, ZzzleepingBear said:

Let me ask you this. Have you ever felt the opposite of the list of bad things you just described?

No. Why? The closest thing would be an orgasm I guess.

[Godishere]

1 minute ago, Holykael said:

It's just being. There's no need to elaborate. I'm being a particular configuration of infinity in the eternal present.

Yeah the crazy thing is how the ego will always refer to anything as other. It becomes insanity when you are conscious that it's just you. It will quickly distract itself to cover this up.

[Kshantivadin]

time to love the madman

[Someone here]

@Holykael are you sure ? I mean are you fucking 10000% certain that all these "hellish Realms of infinity " are actually real and that you will CERTAINLY experience them in the future? 

If you are honest with yourself..the answer is no.

If your answer is yes ..then please prove it to yourself (before proving it to others ).

A big trap in this work is parroting what the teacher said.  If I'm being honest..all my ideas about solipsism were borrowed from leo .and I suggest that all your ideas about "infinity " are borrowed from Leo as well.

[ZzzleepingBear]

Just now, Holykael said:

No. Why? The closest thing would be an orgasm I guess.

The reason I ask is. For you to know how bad something is, there needs to be a baseline of good by where you can judge how bad something can get.

You can only make a value judgement out of a discernment from a baseline. And a resistance to something fundamental, is only as strong as the opposite force you manage to put out to prove it's validity to be true.

If something is bad or horrible in your opinion, how do you come to such a final conclution unless your baseline value came from what is considered good?

[Holykael]

7 minutes ago, Someone here said:

@Holykael are you sure ? I mean are you fucking 10000% certain that all these "hellish Realms of infinity " are actually real and that you will CERTAINLY experience them in the future? 

If you are honest with yourself..the answer is no.

If your answer is yes ..then please prove it to yourself (before proving it to others ).

A big trap in this work is parroting what the teacher said.  If I'm being honest..all my ideas about solipsism were borrowed from leo .and I suggest that all your ideas about "infinity " are borrowed from Leo as well.

My life is hell. It's true. And it's not even one of the worst forms of hell. I have experienced some extreme horrible shit on bad trips as well.

 

Edited August 29, 2022 by Holykael

[Holykael]

1 minute ago, ZzzleepingBear said:

The reason I ask is. For you to know how bad something is, there needs to be a baseline of good by where you can judge how bad something can get.

You can only make a value judgement out of a discernment from a baseline. And a resistance to something fundamental, is only as strong as the opposite force you manage to put out to prove it's validity to be true.

If something is bad or horrible in your opinion, how do you come to such a final conclution unless your baseline value came from what is considered good?

I'm tired of seeing this everywhere. I know something is good because it feels good. I don't need the contrast to know that it felt good. I can have a gradient of feeling good but I never had to felt bad to know that it's good. Sure you can argue you gain a greater appreciation for what's good when you feel bad but that's because god engineered things that way. God could give you the appreciation without going through any hoops if it so willed it. This is just an excuse god uses to justify its own madness.

[ZzzleepingBear]

2 minutes ago, Holykael said:

but I never had to felt bad to know that it's good.

So you can't know bad without whats good. This is my point, and not the one you just assumed.

[Holykael]

13 minutes ago, ZzzleepingBear said:

So you can't know bad without whats good. This is my point, and not the one you just assumed.

The same logic applies to the other side. Bad stands on its own, bad would feel bad regardless of whether a contrasting good existed or not 

[ZzzleepingBear]

3 minutes ago, Holykael said:

The same logic applies to the other side. Bad stands on its own, bad would feel bad regardless of whether a contrasting good existed or not 

If they where of mutual opposites yes, but they are not. What is good can alot of times fly under the radar of our perception. And the fact that your biased to what you believe to be good, hint to your innherent notion to favour somethings over other things depending on what your beliefs/experience and judgement are at the moment of choice.

You don't need to become a masochist to understand, that they choose pain in favour of their liking of judging it as good. And to most people that seems odd, as masochists have a other relationship with pain than most people do. Just as working out or stretching has a certain pain, it is concidered good by the experienced. And initially bad by those new to those activities.

All in all, we gravitate to choose what is considered good, wheter we know it to be good or not.

[Someone here]

42 minutes ago, Holykael said:

My life is hell.

In what why?  Do you suffer any illness or disease physically ? Or is it just these wild ideas about infinity that's causing you mental distress?