Awakening to absolute Truth and other profound stuff

[Naol]

During a solo retreat I did to explore my traumas from my childhood, I took shrooms. At first, I felt so much pain. I realized how much I suffered during my childhood and how much I did not accept myself. Then I met God again. Here are my thoughts and understandings.

 

God :

God is creating and loving, that is what he does.

God is Love, Consciousness, and Truth. This is all the same.

God is simplex.

God has no fear or doubt.

God is beyond all dualities.

God can look at its own creation. (story : I was peeing and my cat got in the bathroom. It hit me profoundly that my cat was a creation of God, and that as God I was enjoying looking at my creation. I raised my head and realized that the whole bathroom - actually the whole reality - was my own creation. Also my cat is so cute.)

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Truth :

I realized Absolute Truth strongly. Truth is what is. This made me so joyful! This is impossible to explain with words though. Before this awakening I had this feeling that truth was reality, but I did not know it profoundly and I would not understand this "absolute" part.

Truth dissolves delusion and doubts, but also sadness and fear

Also, we can make the experience of Truth, but Truth is not an experience.

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Self-deception and psychedelics  :

I feel like somehow during my trip, I was able to see pretty clearly when my ego was trying to "force" a realization and that I was sort of deluding myself, and when it was a true realization. I feel like I understand better the ego and how tricky it is sometimes to avoid self-deception. With radical honesty, we can limit risks of lying to ourselves.

Other thought : I also understand better how personal improvement helps reaching the truth. When we have too much insecurities, there is a lot more chance to delude ourselves by being too attach to some ideas that are not the truth, or inventing ourselves awakenings we did not have (=lack of self honesty).

Also, I could recognize during my trip that I was not fully awake, and that my insights could be more deep. I also feel somehow that there is no limit to the profundity of an awakening. I feel like we can always realize something more and more deeply by exploring it (for example absolute Truth, or Love…). But I may be wrong about that? There is at least, in my opinion, a lot of different degrees of realization.

Also, I was - before all this - sceptic about psychedelics. But now I know that they are leading to truth. I don't exclude completely the possibility that I may be deluded, but honestly I don't think so. 

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How listening to Leo's videos helped me to awaken

I was thinking about that and how listening to Leo's teaching and not doing the work all by ourselves could drive to delusion. But really I think that listening to his experiences are guiding me during my trips.

Basically it happens like this:

1 - I start to have a insight

2 - Something that Leo said about this kind of insight/experience pops in my mind

3 - I keep exploring having in my mind what Leo said, asking myself "could it be true?"

4 - The Truth hits me, with more or less strength

Also sometimes during my trips, I think about something specific Leo said about God, trying to see if I can realized it, and I don't. Like, I did not realized yet the profundity of God's Love, or the fact that reality is all mind, even if I tried to explore this area. (And that is ok).

Sooo… I don't feel like I am "inventing" myself realizations from Leo's teaching (that was a question that I asked myself sometimes). When I have an awakening, there is no more Leo's teaching, no influence ;  there is just these truths that are revealed to me. I feel like Leo's teaching are providing guidance, help us to "ask the good questions" while tripping. Then that is the listener's job to be sure that he/she is not inventing things by being self-honest.

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The power of negative motivation :

I feel like negative motivation is not that bad somehow.I had a positive motivation to know the truth (coz I am very curious!) but I always felt in my life that I was lacking wisdom and that I was not enough, which created a negative motivation. Maybe without this negative motivation, this suffering, I would not have enough "fuel" to be able to go through all these challenges and get these awakenings, even if that is not ideal.

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Green vs turquoise understanding :

Before these awakenings, I could not stand talks about how everything is perfect, how God is love, how we should love ourselves coz God loves us… But now I know that this is true. I just feel like I met a lot of green people (spiral dynamics) talking about turquoise stuff but could not understand profoundly what all these things means and live in congruence with that - and I could feel this dissonance. I feel like there is a huge difference between green and turquoise.

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Practical takeways for a human life :

1 - Loving yourself :

I realized profoundly that take care of yourself and recognizing your intrinsic dignity + wanting the best for yourself is natural, in the sense that this reflects God's goodness/nature. Plus, we really need to start by loving ourselves to be able to love others truly, I feel it cannot work otherwise.

 

2 - What to do in life ?
There is nothing more to do than just do what is the most important (authentically) for us. This sounds a bit obvious but I did not realized it profoundly. I really asked myself before if the most important thing I had to do was to try my best to stem climate change, which is creating so much suffering. But what drives me truly is spend my time trying to be as wise as I can. I am still not 100% at ease with all that… I still feel a little bit like I am not doing the right thing by not sacrificing my own well-being for the sake of saving a lot of people from crazy suffering like hunger, homelessness… So still some work to do on that. Any thoughts?
 

3 - Authentic self expression and insecurities :
I realized that I have been needy for love my own life, since I am a very young child. I was always craving for love, and did not understand why people could not give me as much love as I wanted. But really what it means when we are looking at the other side of the coin, is that Love is what I want to express and see expressed in the world. A few months ago when I realized doing Leo's Life Purpose Course that my first value is Love, I was disappointed, I thought it was a weak value (lol). Now I feel how powerful Love is and how authentic it is for me to express it by trying to be as wise as I can. So my point is that we can observe our insecurities differently, and try to see in them what authentic radiant desire they could hide.
 

4 - The kind of "neutrality" that God has does not means that everything is equal. That is a weird paradox, but some behaviors are embodying more God's love than others, and that is a good reason to embody our conception of what is truly good and take a stance - with cleverness - in the different situations we encounter in life.

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That is all for me, do not hesitate to give me your thoughts on all this!  

Edited August 29, 2022 by Naol

[Leo Gura]

19 minutes ago, Naol said:

Truth :

I realized Absolute Truth strongly. Truth is what is. This made me so joyful! This is impossible to explain with words though. Before this awakening I had this feeling that truth was reality, but I did not know it profoundly and I would not understand this "absolute" part.

Good!

Quote

Also, I could recognize during my trip that I was not fully awake, and that my insights could be more deep. I also feel somehow that there is no limit to the profundity of an awakening. I feel like we can always realize something more and more deeply by exploring it (for example absolute Truth, or Love…). But I may be wrong about that? There is at least, in my opinion, a lot of different degrees of realization.

You don't know yet how right you are.

Many, many degrees and facets to awakening. Don't stop digging.

Quote

2 - What to do in life ?
There is nothing more to do than just do what is the most important (authentically) for us. This sounds a bit obvious but I did not realized it profoundly. I really asked myself before if the most important thing I had to do was to try my best to stem climate change, which is creating so much suffering. But what drives me truly is spend my time trying to be as wise as I can. I am still not 100% at ease with all that… I still feel a little bit like I am not doing the right thing by not sacrificing my own well-being for the sake of saving a lot of people from crazy suffering like hunger, homelessness… So still some work to do on that. Any thoughts?

Be as selfish as you need to, until you burn through it.

Quote

A few months ago when I realized doing Leo's Life Purpose Course that my first value is Love, I was disappointed, I thought it was a weak value (lol).

Hehe,

Love isn't just a value.

You ARE Love

- - - - - -

Great work! Keep going.

Edited August 29, 2022 by Leo Gura

[Naol]

@Leo Gura Thanks man, I have no words to express how happy and grateful I am that you work so hard to share these insights with us. Thank you really. I feel so lucky. My life has improved so much since I am listening to you, and doors that I could not even think about before are opening in front of me. I am revealing my true nature to myself, both as God and as an ego. Can't wait for your next course! 

[Leo Gura]

@Naol My pleasure.

[Raptorsin7]

@Naol What was the transition like from experiencing pain to feeling love? 

[Naol]

11 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Naol What was the transition like from experiencing pain to feeling love? 

Good question! I don't remember exactly but roughly, I was not super conscious at first but still more than usual. I started to think about how heavy life seems sometimes, how I failed to protect myself from abuse by the past and all that. My pain emerged more, I was an immense wound. I cried af, realizing that in addition to my original pain I was struggling so much to accept myself, and that overall I was hard on myself pretty much all the time. Then I felt more calm, because I started to reconnect with the experience I had before of profound serenity and soft love that I had realizing God during another awakening 11 months ago. Basically I became more and more conscious thanks to shrooms. I felt less and less physical and emotional pain, and started to observe God's Love and essence. Then, because I was pretty much free from my suffering, I became able to focus on exploring God, Truth, and so on. I kept on becoming more conscious and a lot of insights came fluidly. Hope it was pretty clear for you  

Edited August 29, 2022 by Naol

[Raptorsin7]

1 minute ago, Naol said:

Good question! I don't remember exactly but roughly, I was not super conscious at first but still more than usual. I started to thinks about how heavy life seems sometimes, how I failed to protect myself from abuse and all that. My pain arised, I was an immense wound. I cried af, realizing that I was struggling so much to accept myself and that I was hard on myself pretty much all the time. Then I started to feel more calm, because I started to reconnect with the experience I had before of profound serenity and soft love that I had realizing God during another awakening 11 month ago. Basically I became more and more conscious thanks to shrooms. I felt less and less physical and emotional pain, and started to observe God's Love and essence. Then, because I was pretty much free from my suffering, I became able to focus on exploring God, Truth, and so on. I kept on becoming more conscious and a lot of insights came fluidly. Hope it was pretty clear for you  

Cool, thanks.

I've had a few trips where I felt profound healing, but I had many more trips where i get stuck with pain so it's always interesting to hear how other people overcome it.

Nice report, good luck.

[Naol]

3 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I had many more trips where i get stuck with pain

How does it feel like? What's happening?

[Raptorsin7]

Just now, Naol said:

How does it feel like? What's happening?

I get a migraine and there's incredible pain in my head, plus some nausea.

I end up bouncing back and forth between gritting my teeth through the suffering or surrendering a bit, which leads to more suffering and so I stop surrendering.

I haven't tripped in a while, and I think if I do a retreat on a solo retreat i'll have more positive experiences than doing it while living with my parents.

[Naol]

Strange  I never had a similar experience, but it could be definitively worth to give a shot to the solo retreat. Hope your gonna find a good setup  Good luck

[Inliytened1]

@Naol excellent!  Happy for you