Being In A Relationship Vs One Night Stands?

[Evilwave Heddy]

On 2/12/2017 at 10:24 PM, electroBeam said:

What have you guys found to be the most effective thing to do? Its just my luck that the first girl I decide to date has to be really attractive and nice 

What a bummer.  -.-

On 2/12/2017 at 10:24 PM, electroBeam said:

While this girl is the cutest girl ive ever seen, and I sure do want to be in a relationship with her, the primary reason why I got off my ass in the first place was to gain experience in dating girls, and to become a pickup god.

Why you gotta have a relationship or a one night stand to gain experience in dating and pick up?

[Zedi]

@electroBeam You want to simultaneously become a pick up god and maintain a relationship. The walk of shame and the picket fence ey Lol. I think you should go try dating other women and assess how you feel .If you want the relationship it would probably not feel right to go on dating other women. If you want to date other women then the relationship isn't going to feel right. Your goal is be a pickup god and attract any girl you want then go date other women. The girl you like is nice, yeah but maybe she's got in the way of your goal because of the feelings you now have for her.  Are those feelings for her worth more to you than your goal? And Which would you rather give up/put on hold?

Personally I'm not clear to women what I want so I find myself in situations where I've compromised too much or settled for less than what I wanted. I'm still stuck in nice guy mode and I hate hurting women's feelings (fear). But this backfires because it tends work out for the worst anyway because my not being clear manifests itself as dissatisfaction and ultimately ruin. This is the number one reason my virginity remains intact.

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[abgespaced]

On 2/13/2017 at 9:24 AM, electroBeam said:

About a month or so ago I had 0 relationship experience, so I decided to get off my ass and do something about it. I found this girl at university while doing cold approach, we've been dating for a month or so, everything is going well, its looking very much like a potential relationship.

While this girl is the cutest girl ive ever seen, and I sure do want to be in a relationship with her, the primary reason why I got off my ass in the first place was to gain experience in dating girls, and to become a pickup god. If I decide to keep being in this relationship, obviously you can see that I can't hone in on my pickup skills.

I'm not sure if I should continue the relationship, and just get into pickup if we break up, or if I should reject the relationship now before I get too attached, and just focus on doing one night stands to hone my skills my like the next 5 years before going into a relationship. I want to be able to attract any girl I want, so that im not stuck in the future looking for dates.

What have you guys found to be the most effective thing to do? Its just my luck that the first girl I decide to date has to be really attractive and nice 

Kudos for cold approaching! It's a huge barrier for most guys. And kudos for having the prescience to build your skill with women. 

Ignore the people telling you that you have unresolved issues for wanting to practice pickup. It is perfectly natural to want to increase your skill with women. Here's why: at the root level of the male mind, where masculinity can be said to reside, there are two factors determining how passionate, vital and alive you feel, i.e. how masculine you feel. They are:

Skill with women + progress on life purpose.

That means that it is necessary as a man to work equally as hard on your life purpose as it is to develop your skills with women. That may seem like a huge task, but these two are are not completely independent of each other- in fact they support and bolster one another. They both make you more masculine which will make you more successful at both.

This also means that you have to continue working at both throughout your life. Just like work on your life purpose doesn't stop once you discover your life purpose, getting better with women does not stop once you are in a monogamous relationship. The skill you have in dealing with your partner must grow as the two of you grow together, since it will become all the more difficult to maintain the tension the more predictable you become to each other.

That said, what's stopping you from having multiple relationships, or approaching women while in a relationship? Unless you imply monogamy with this girl, that is, you give her the impression that you two are monogamous, then you have every right not to be. It's your life, you're a man. You can decide how many relationships you want and how many women you want to approach. There is nothing stopping you. Just don't hurt anyone. 

[Claireanne]

I have recently read an article about how to make a guy want you and it's funny how it actually tells a similar story, only from the girls' angle.  No matter how open-minded girls want to be about sex, they are usually subconsciously looking for a relationship.  On the other side, you are forcing yourself into a relationship, while you actually only want to feel attractive and able to have any girl you want. That's fine until you are making any girl believe that she could expect more from you.

Edited March 13, 2017 by Claireanne

[HelgaBee]

Definitly relations for me

Edited March 14, 2017 by HelgaBee

[Lai]

1 night stands are for teenagers.  True love needs more than 1 night!

[merimo28]

On 3/16/2017 at 8:00 AM, Lai said:

1 night stands are for teenagers.  True love needs more than 1 night!

Well, I wouldn't agree with you. One night stands for me at least, give some unusual kind of freedom, excitment and long time ago I am not a teenager but still have ONS regularly... Just my 2 cents

[Nahm]

@electroBeam You wanted an attractive and nice girl. You have one. Be here now with her. Don't worry for the future.  Pick up mentality yields pick up results. Personal development yields so much more.  

[Girzo]

I didn't have time to read a whole thread, so maybe it was already mentioned.

BUT

Ask yourself: "Why am I thinking about this at all?". Isn't it because you are afraid that you won't be able to sustain that relationship and try to cling to the thing you know? Maybe it's just a fear of unknow speaking through you. Then I would recommend trying the relationship thing.

[smd]

@electroBeam As Doc Love would say: You get one shot with a girl per lifetime.  If you end the budding relationship you have with Caprice (let's call her that), then you'll never get a second shot with her.  If you go out to do pickup with other women, you might find that none of the new ones will match what you had & you'll be suffering long regrets about what might've been.

I think getting into a long-term relationship has more value than quickie romps with strange women.  In fact, I can tell you that just sleeping around with a lot of women turns into mechanics...just like video games are some other hobby.  It's better to leave it as a mystery than discover the mechanical nature of humping & pumping.

You should stick with your girl & see where it leads.  If it doesn't work out, you can use your relationship experience with pickup.  Should make it easier I would think.

[Forestluv]

@electroBeam For me it’s a HUGE red flag if I still consider/desire to keep dating options open after a month. I’ve been in this situation a few times: I like a gal and want to date her, yet also want to keep options open. Those thoughts about dating others do NOT go away. . . Months go by and I kinda want to break up for something new, yet I still kinda like the one I’m with. She is clearly getting more emotionally involved and I don’t want to hurt her. So, I tell myself a story about how I could grow to love her and be committed. . . Finally, I can’t do it anymore and tell her that I care for her more as a friend. She is deeply hurt, I feel awful and try to rationalize into feeling better.

I’ve learned that right now I’m more interested in casual dating. Finding someone with enough compatibility for an LTR is a rare find and I don’t want to be single the whole time waiting. I’m upfront with them early. Be that truth.

To me, your post sounds like a casual dating place. I’d tell her upfront. 

[Kimasxi]

On 21.02.2017 at 3:57 AM, electroBeam said:

Insecurities like these are fuelled by man/woman's natural tendencies to want to be in a relationship in the first place. 

OMG, why has it never occurred to me? You nailed it. All incecurities come down to our desirability to a potential mate. So, in order to get rid of them, one needs to stop wanting to have a mate… 

Concerning your problem, your mind is probably putting her on the pedestal, especially if you do not get laid a lot (as you only started pick-up). You hesitate because probably you can see she is not that special to sweep you off your feet.

Edited September 27, 2017 by Kimasxi

[merimo28]

On 9/27/2017 at 2:36 PM, Kimasxi said:

OMG, why has it never occurred to me? You nailed it. All incecurities come down to our desirability to a potential mate. So, in order to get rid of them, one needs to stop wanting to have a mate… 

Concerning your problem, your mind is probably putting her on the pedestal, especially if you do not get laid a lot (as you only started pick-up). You hesitate because probably you can see she is not that special to sweep you off your feet.

1

I agree with you when women feel desperate man (mean desperate for sex because don't have other options for having sex) then things will not work as they shoud....

[merimo28]

On 2/25/2017 at 10:17 AM, Evilwave Heddy said:

What a bummer.  -.-

Why you gotta have a relationship or a one night stand to gain experience in dating and pick up?

 

Well, that is exactly what I would ask OP...