Girlfriend asking money from me

[deathendmartin]

I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years now and we have a good relationship. 35 years old girl, she have a good job (nurse), a house, a car, she is not a random girl, she have her life put together. I am 28 years old and we are not living together, i'm actually still living at my parent's house and ive been working in a dead end job for about 9 years now. I have a good amount of money in my bank account because my parents never ask me to pay, I just pay for my food but thats about it. Ive recently made a choice to go back to school here in Canada and get a degree. She want me to move with her but she have financial difficulties and she is talking to me about that wich is a good thing in my opinion, but she is asking me to help her and when I say that I would prefer to not transfer her any money she making me feel bad. 

What should I do about that ? 

I would like so advices if possible.

 

Thank you.

[NoSelfSelf]

Keep saying her no...

[Spiral]

I’d move out of your parents house regardless. I’d also advice not lending her more money than you are fine with losing.

Furthermore a house and a car are both liabilities.

[Leo Gura]

How much?

[Hello from Russia]

If you're gonna live together, splitting the bill for food and other stuff is fine

[Yarco]

My sister is a nurse, younger than your gf, she makes bank especially with overtime.

If your gf is a 35 year old nurse and struggling with money, then there's probably something whacky going on with her spending. I wouldn't give her any money unless she was willing to let you do a full audit of all her finances.... bank statement, credit card statement, and get to see the full inflow/outflow of money each month for the past year. 

I'm not averse to committing money to a relationship. I put up the full down payment for a house with my gf of 2 or 3 years, with the expectation she'd make the monthly payments until she hit that amount, then we would start to split it.

But I would not give a partner money to pay off student loan debt, pay their rent, or probably even a car loan, even if they were willing to put my name on the ownership.

It sounds like she just wants you to move in with her out of desperation, because she can't afford it on her own, and figures it'd be better to live with you than a roommate if things work out long-term. But she's not doing it from a place of love.

Edited August 28, 2022 by Yarco

[Tyler Robinson]

If you're planning on marrying her then you can spend. 

 

[Bobby_2021]

A nurse in Canada makes a decent amount of money. More than enough to live by her own.

Gather more information about her finances. It's ok to split spending when you are living together. I wouldn't be comfortable simply sending money with no questions asked. 

[Arcangelo]

gambling addiction maybe?

[Roy]

If it's a small amount and a one time thing that doesn't hurt your budget, then I don't think it's an issue.

If she is asking for a lot or it's happening frequently, you have to ask some questions and have a serious conversation before any money is handed over. You need to challenge her on any spending habits or lifestyle decisions she might have that are adding up. Don't shame her obviously, but sit down with her and go through credit card and bank statements and see where improvements can be made.

If she trusts you enough to ask for money, then she should be open enough to share her finances with you as well.

[puporing]

The more interesting thing is why someone had to wait 2 years to bring up the topic about finances... 

[King Merk]

Sounds suss.

I wouldn’t give her any money. Nurses make bank. Talk to her about her spending habits or ask her to hire some sort of financial advisor. 

[Thought Art]

No. You worked hard for it. 

[Vynce]

On 29.8.2022 at 7:47 AM, puporing said:

The more interesting thing is why someone had to wait 2 years to bring up the topic about finances... 

Yeah Whatever held them back, to talk over money is the only problem I see here.

[deathendmartin]

*Apologies for my bad english. I am french canadian trying and learning english at school.

I would like to say thank you very much to all of you for the advices. 

To go further in my story.. She want me to move with her and I want that too. The problem is that I don't really know how finances work 

and when i'm gonna go stay with her, we have to call our bank and to schedule a meeting. 

Here is my question: Is it safe to transfer a big money transaction into a house for example 25 000$ and of course I want my name to be on the house so I can become the house owner with her. 

[Tron]

tell that bitch to kick rocks 

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, Tron said:

tell that bitch to kick rocks 

Do not call women that here.

[King Merk]

On 08/09/2022 at 7:47 AM, deathendmartin said:

Here is my question: Is it safe to transfer a big money transaction into a house for example 25 000$ and of course I want my name to be on the house so I can become the house owner with her. 

Bro if you’re putting down 25K that’s YOUR house (assuming she isn’t putting down the same amount). I’d be very hesitant to sign any joint contract if you’re the primary monetary provider. 

I never mix relationships and money. That has so much potential to become toxic and tear a relationship apart. 

[Thought Art]

Don’t invest more than she does 

[Tron]

13 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Do not call women that here.

you're a bitch too Leo lol. I don't discriminate