From my experience with women, it's like the moment I start to get invested in someone and want to start giving all my love to her, she loses interest and ghosts me or friendzones me. But if I play it cool and don't express too much interest, she stays interested. Except if I can't ever share my love with a woman and I have to be this cold muthafuckuh for her to stay in love with me, I wonder, what's the point in trying to date women and find, "love" if a woman will never love me the way I want, and I have to love myself? I'm not against self-love, I love it. I love myself more than before, and in the end, I'm all I've got. It's just weird frustrating, wanting love and intimacy from someone, but expressing that too much causes you to lose it. Yet women fall into relationships with abusive and manipulative men all the time and end up addicted in love with them. To the point where I almost thing most women WANT to be manipulated into being in love with a man. They don't really want to be loved. I don't even really blame players who have multiple baby mommas anymore, and I don't have a lot of respect for women other than what they do as individuals. I mean I can play these stupid mindgames with women to try and get past her bullshit and seduce her, but I just always feel like that's wretched, stupid, and waste of my time when I could be doing something more productive and virtuous than wasting time, playing games with some girl. To the point where sometimes in the past, when a girl expressed romantic or sexual attraction to me (usually after hearing me sing or some friend trying to hook me up with someone), I usually get weirdly angry and proud, and I either start ignoring her everytime she's around, or I even start to play mindgames with her. If I want sex, I'll pay for it. If I want love, I'll find it within myself and within God. So why the fuck would I ever date or marry someone unless I accidentally knock them up? The only way I can think of loving a woman, is loving her like a pet. The best way I can describe it, is that I get angry and defensive because it feels like she's trying to distract me from my self-love, my purpose, and from God. She's trying to take my sovereignty from me. The times where I did reciprocate sexual or romantic attraction, it fizzled out.   I know I sound clueless and probably a bit broken but fuck it, I want answers.