How to deal with early success In cold approaching?

[Vercingetorix]

In the last week, in 3 out of the 4 session of Cold approaching I made (daygame), Within the 1st or 2nd interactions I had, I managed to hook and take a solid number. If feels amazing and when it happens I'm really surprised that I can do that, It really feels like a Superpower. 
But the interesting thing is, That after such an interaction it's harder for me to approach more girls. Even though I feel high and in a way if feels easier - I don't feel I have the need to do it. It feels disrespectful for the girl I took her number - I just want to know her and be with her. It's a feeling of false abundance.
It's false because I see from experience that  this feeling of abundance doesn't last  - I still feel needy if she doesn't respond, or doesn't show up for the meeting and I'm afraid to lose her on the date and therefore don't escalate. Also When I approach only 1 or 2 sets - I don't really build the habit of approaching and it's harder on other days to approach.

What's your solution to this problem guys?
 

[Vercingetorix]

The best answer That came from my intuition so far is that I shouldn't approach for the result. If I feel that I want to talk to a girl, I should just do it to enjoy talking to her, not focus on the result. Like that It doesn't matter if I succeed or not.

[Devin]

I'd say don't approach because you need to, do it for fun, curiosity, you don't even have to try to take her number and if you do, it's respectful even if you decide not to call, it's not disrespectful to get a lot of numbers, it's not the same as sleeping with multiple women, you're just in the getting to know you stage

Edited August 26, 2022 by Devin

[Leo Gura]

Solution is stop being silly and needy. Go get 10 numbers per night and don't stop going out just because some girl is texting with you.

Your mind will concoct every excuse imaginable to not do your daily quota of approaches.

You are not exclusive with a girl until she sleeps with you and asks to be your gf. Until such time you don't stop approaching.

[Vercingetorix]

@Devin Yeah I think in my mind it's like IF I approached her And it was a positive interaction and she give me her number - It's ON as if I slept with her. The validation from such interactions are overwhelming for me. 
Time and experience would be my best teachers!

@Leo Gura
 

Quote

You are not exclusive with a girl until she sleeps with you and asks to be your gf. Until such time you don't stop approaching.

Logically I understand it. But emotionally...
Currently I feel immense appreciation to any pretty girl that is interested in me and I really don't wanna hurt any girl that was willing to spend time and energy on me. My fear is that more than one will be into me - and I will hurt them. I know That most girls probably don't care about me at all until sex but I still do. 
The solution is to contemplate and understand how I hurt girls by being this way?
How do I hurt a girl If I'm overly respectful to her and I Invest in her more than she invests in me and I'm afraid to hurt her?
-It makes me needy towards her.
- It's patronizing to her to think I can hurt her -seeing her as weak.
- If I'm not allowing myself to be free - I subconsciously wanting her also to not be free.

IF I imagine my perfect world, In this world I'm free to talk to many girls at the same time, I can meet and have sex with any girl as long as I don't agree with a girl to be together and exclusive. When I'm aware of it I can see how such behavior limit me.

[Vercingetorix]

@Aleister Crowleyy
You misunderstand. I do have an Aim.
But focusing on this aim paradoxically hurts it sometimes . (It's the same paradox of entering flow state or of  wanting not to want or reaching enlightenment).
The solution: focus on another goal - like just enjoying the moment or having fun - a sub goal that helps you reach your goal)

[Leo Gura]

28 minutes ago, Vercingetorix said:

Currently I feel immense appreciation to any pretty girl that is interested in me and I really don't wanna hurt any girl that was willing to spend time and energy on me. My fear is that more than one will be into me - and I will hurt them. I know That most girls probably don't care about me at all until sex but I still do.

Yeah, I've falling into that a lot.

The reality is that girls don't care much about you until after sex. Many girls will not even consider things are exclusive after one time of sex. It usually takes like 3+ times of sex before a girl starts to really get attached. At that point you want to avoid hurting her.

[r0ckyreed]

25 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Many girls will not even consider things are exclusive after one time of sex. It usually takes like 3+ times of sex before a girl starts to really get attached.

What type of sex? Is it only vaginal or all forms? What counts as sex that you are referring here?

Edited August 28, 2022 by r0ckyreed

[RickyFitts]

6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

The reality is that girls don't care much about you until after sex. Many girls will not even consider things are exclusive after one time of sex. It usually takes like 3+ times of sex before a girl starts to really get attached. At that point you want to avoid hurting her.

Not been my experience at all, I've developed deep emotional connections with a few women over the years without having sex with them first. If you're compassionate, empathic, open, a good listener, and willing to be vulnerable, women will develop an attachment to you; of course it can easily become dysfunctional if you're not careful (as I've experienced in the past), but for me personally I would want to have that emotional connection with a woman before having sex with her, I think that's a far healthier foundation for a long-term relationship.

[Leo Gura]

4 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

Not been my experience at all, I've developed deep emotional connections with a few women over the years without having sex with them first. If you're compassionate, empathic, open, a good listener, and willing to be vulnerable, women will develop an attachment to you; of course it can easily become dysfunctional if you're not careful (as I've experienced in the past), but for me personally I would want to have that emotional connection with a woman before having sex with her, I think that's a far healthier foundation for a long-term relationship.

Obviously if you develop deep emotional connection then more will be expected.

I mean situations where you meet a new girl and don't spend much time with her.

Yeah, if you spend a month buttering her up, and then you sleep with her, she will be very attached to you and she will expect something exclusive. Cause you set that frame.

It's all about the frame you set. If you set the serious boyfriend frame and take her on many dates then she will expect exclusivity much sooner.

If you are approaching lots of girls and getting lots of phone numbers then you are not building deep connections with them, so little is expected of you. The girls are not attached to you, they barely know you exist. It takes a girl a lot more to get emotionally invested in you. Until sex, you care way more about her than she cares about you.

Edited August 28, 2022 by Leo Gura

[Tyler Robinson]

Women are scared to commit.

Very simple logic behind this - 

 

Women are deeply scared of being dumped. 

That explains their flakiness

 

 

[Karmadhi]

11 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Yeah, I've falling into that a lot.

The reality is that girls don't care much about you until after sex. Many girls will not even consider things are exclusive after one time of sex. It usually takes like 3+ times of sex before a girl starts to really get attached. At that point you want to avoid hurting her.

Does this also work with conservative girls? I feel like this is true for more open liberal western girls but not every girl is like that. Where i live at least, some (not all) girls need to kinda get together or think it will be something serious before they even have sex with you. So i think it really depends on the girl level of openess when it comeS to sexuality.

However, in the USA girls are super open from what i have heard from my friends that did Erasmus there or come from there (i live in a super intertional city) so what you say makes total sense.

For example if the OP was from India (i see you have many indians in this forumn) then things would be totally different because that culture is way more conservative when it comes to sex.

Just saying it does not apply to all cultures, only to open ones like in the USA.

@Vercingetorix Where are you currently approaching, like what country? USA?

Edited August 28, 2022 by Karmadhi

[Leo Gura]

22 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

Does this also work with conservative girls?

It's ALL about the frame you set, the vibe you give off. Even conservative girls will expect little if you set a fun player frame. If you set the boyfriend frame, they will expect accordingly.

Player frame is set by being fun, playful, flirty, nothing serious, and no proper dates.

When you set the player frame well the girl just knows from the vibe you give off that you're the kind of guy who sees many girls. Nothing needs to be said.

I am not telling you which frame to set. I'm just telling you to be conscious of the frame you're setting and decide for yourself which you're going for.

Edited August 29, 2022 by Leo Gura

[Vrubel]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

It's ALL about the frame you set, the vibe you give off. Even conservative girls will expect little if you set a fun player frame. If you set the boyfriend frame, they will expect accordingly.

Player frame is set by being fun, playful, flirty, nothing serious, and no proper dates.

When you set the player frame well the girl just knows from the vibe you give off that you're the kind of guy who sees many girls. Nothing needs to be said.

I am not telling you which frame to set. I'm just telling you to be conscious of the frame you're setting and decide for yourself which you're going for.

Can you have a mix?

I always do proper dates. Just showing that I am an interesting and "normal" easy-to-be-around kind of guy.
But at the same time, I always take action to escalate and she must understand that I am sexual. Then it's up to her to decide whether to get along to my place or maybe when the romance wasn't sufficient to (hopefully) have another date. I am not a player but I always try to keep the tension that at any date she might not resist me(;

Edited August 29, 2022 by Vrubel

[Vercingetorix]

@Karmadhi In Israel, which pretty much a western country, maybe a bit more conservative about sex.


 @KH2 From experience?

 

[StarStruck]

@Vercingetorix Have you already been on dates from your first number closes?

[Vrubel]

2 hours ago, KH2 said:

@Vercingetorix 

Sort of.

Haven't done expensive dates yet, but I'm not afraid to spend on drinks, etc.

As is the case with everything, it's about the frame: you doing it to please her vs. you just creating certain experience, and taking her for a ride. You want to be the latter type of guy, obviously.

But in general, I don't see a reason why not to treat women well. As long as she's attracted. And if she's not, then you shouldn't be talking to her anyway.

If you have a date planned in the evening, like at 6 for example when nobody ate yet. Isn't it kind of inevitable to have a "costly" diner date?  

For me, just spending the evening with a beautiful/elegant/feminine woman is something I value. I happily pay for the first date. If she lets me pay without a courteous protest as in "let me pay" or "we'll split", that's a good sign the date is going well. Even when she will flake the emotional cost will make the financial cost seem negligible.

Also, I wish that I had so many dates that it would be a real financial issue(;

Edited August 29, 2022 by Vrubel

[Vercingetorix]

@StarStruck  Yeah I've on on 3 dates. In all of them I fell to a lot to my default behavior of trying to please them and see how awesome they are - Instead of Screening frame that evaluates and sees if I want them in my life. Platonic vibes and Boyfriend excuses - I didn't build enough attraction or in my last date - even comfort was lacking.  All in all super insightful and educational meetings 

@KH2 @Vrubel The argument against will be that She loses attraction when you invest in her So better minimize it until sex - but If it works for you then why not. 
 

[Karmadhi]

11 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

It's ALL about the frame you set, the vibe you give off. Even conservative girls will expect little if you set a fun player frame. If you set the boyfriend frame, they will expect accordingly.

Player frame is set by being fun, playful, flirty, nothing serious, and no proper dates.

When you set the player frame well the girl just knows from the vibe you give off that you're the kind of guy who sees many girls. Nothing needs to be said.

I am not telling you which frame to set. I'm just telling you to be conscious of the frame you're setting and decide for yourself which you're going for.

Ok now i understand. Makes sense.

 

[Leo Gura]

14 hours ago, KH2 said:

expensive dates

What? No!

Edited August 30, 2022 by Leo Gura