How to truly connect to people?

[BjarkeT]

Any advice on how to build true genuine friendships?

I feel like everyone around me is pretending to like me and aren’t really their true self due to their awareness of my social anxiety which makes them extremely careful. It like they think more about my social anxiety then the actual me. 
How can you get past all that pretending stuff and connect with who they actually are? 

[Devin]

Try to be open, honest, compassionate, and accepting

Edited August 26, 2022 by Devin

[petar8p]

9 minutes ago, Devin said:

How can you get past all that pretending stuff and connect with who they actually are? 

You need to pop that balloon of things being tense. Ask them what they're passionate about, become interested. Make jokes that you actually find funny. Admit to them something you're going through..

[NoSelfSelf]

By conecting with yourself first, you cant connect with someone if you dont have a sense of self(knowing yourself on a deeper level) you can only trauma bond which is not healthy..

When you know yourself then you can find things in you that are similar in others, giving your own unique perspective and personality... 

Social anxiety is a mask that blocks all of that and notice you are not social anxiety its what you do so connect with who you are(easier said than done)...

Basically owning and being one with yourself solves this problem...

[Ulax]

Hey dude, 

I'd recommend this book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Social-Skills-Guidebook-Shyness-Conversations-ebook/dp/B01AU8C766

However, I also agree with @NoSelfSelf. I believe once you have resolved enough trauma then socialising will be relatively straightforward.

That said, just to check all bases, I think its important to look into demographic and neurodivergence. Firstly, if you are in a location where people just simply aren't very friendly or are hostile to you because of something you cannot change it may be best to move. Secondly, I think its worth looking into whether you have something like autism, ADHD etc. Though, to my understanding, neurodivergence symptoms and trauma symptoms can often mask as one another, so I'd recommend watching some videos by therapists on how to tell the difference.

[Vercingetorix]

Smile, have fun and joke with them - until they feel comfortable with you.
Be Genuinely interested in them, Learn to really listen and understand them (presence!)  (If you are thinking thoughts and give them energy while they talk - you ain't really listening. when you notice thoughts discard them and bring your attention back to the person - IT's like meditation on the person's words) and ask questions that you are truly curious about.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable and share your insecurities, pains and frustrations - This will allow them to feel identification, compassion and will allow them to open up to you and be vulnerable with you.
Talk about FEELING!!!! how does it make you feel? how did it feel like to do/see/hear X?
When they share things about themselves - genuinely compliment them about opening up/a trait or quality that they have. 

Specially for your situation - Bring up this issue with "their is something I would like to speak to you about. It's important for me to truly connect with you and there is something that I feel prevent us from reaching that... " (elaborate...)

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=REiKHCZpU6Y

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bttXdkGxeDM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwSowNRrvSw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwtfDsZHY2g

Edited August 27, 2022 by Raze