What 'be yourself' actually means.

[mr_engineer]

5 minutes ago, petar8p said:

Basically they have a sense for it, a radar, it's evolutionary, biologically ingrained within them so you have a really hard time faking it.

That is pretty scary. That it's just a 'biological radar', that no thought gets put into it from their side. 

I've had women mistake my silent confidence for meekness/weakness. And trust me, when that happens, you lose all trust for their biological instincts. Kinda like someone who gets molested loses trust for other people's biological instincts! 

Seriously, man. We have lost trust for each other's opinions so much that PUAs say 'just don't listen to women on dating'. 

[something_else]

8 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

That is pretty scary. That it's just a 'biological radar', that no thought gets put into it from their side. 

I've had women mistake my silent confidence for meekness/weakness. And trust me, when that happens, you lose all trust for their biological instincts. Kinda like someone who gets molested loses trust for other people's biological instincts! 

Seriously, man. We have lost trust for each other's opinions so much that PUAs say 'just don't listen to women on dating'. 

A biological radar based on billions of years of evolved intuition is more powerful than most of the puny rational thought humans are capable of

[petar8p]

1 minute ago, something_else said:

A biological radar based on billions of years of evolved intuition is more powerful than most of the puny rational thought humans are capable of

Right

 

12 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

I've had women mistake my silent confidence for meekness/weakness.

You suggest it was silent confidence, but probably it was not.

 

I don't know how much in your life you've practiced talking to girls, but it takes years to start getting good reactions on a regular basis.

 

It's a big task.

 

[mr_engineer]

3 minutes ago, something_else said:

A biological radar based on billions of years of evolved intuition is more powerful than most of the puny rational thought humans are capable of

Is it evolved intuition? Or conditioning? And if it is conditioning, how do you break it without rational thought? 

[mr_engineer]

@petar8p Well, confidence that has to be proven by their reactions isn't really confidence now, is it?! 

I'm talking about their problematic interpretations of my behavior and what they make it mean about 'confidence'. Confidence, is a feeling-state. And that has nothing to do with my choice to act a certain way! 

[petar8p]

4 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

Is it evolved intuition? Or conditioning? And if it is conditioning, how do you break it without rational thought? 

It's a biological mechanism that doesn't need breaking because it's damn useful and important. It signals to a woman a man of value, who is capable of handling adversity, provides for her and conquers whatever he needs to get to where he wants.

 

5 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

Well, confidence that has to be proven by their reactions isn't really confidence now, is it?! 

That's what we're talking about here. True confidence will mostly be well recieved and reaffirmed by females reactions. If confidence has no basis or doesn't relate to other people well, it will be overlooked of course, that's why social adaptability is also valued. 

 

Of course you shouldn't need to look at women to approve of your confidence, you just know by yourself when you're confident, but you can bullshit yourself more easily than they can bullshit their instinctive reactions, which as we said are based on millions of years of evolution.

[Nilsi]

34 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

I've had women mistake my silent confidence for meekness/weakness. And trust me, when that happens, you lose all trust for their biological instincts. Kinda like someone who gets molested loses trust for other people's biological instincts! 

Maybe you weren't so confident after all. Women can smell confidence ten miles against the wind, so don't be silly.

[Salvijus]

Being yourself is what u are when u have no techniques, no plans, no intentions. U're simply there, alert and open. Present. Responding to situation as per your nature. As per the nature of your consciouness and conditioning.

If u can be present or stay as presence while talking to someone, your authentic self will shine effortlessly and all the right actions will manifest on its own.

Acting with mental techniques, mental planning in advance of what u gonna say, theories and tricks about dating etc is lame. That in general would fall under inauthentic category in my dictionary.

Edited August 25, 2022 by Salvijus

[petar8p]

47 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

That is pretty scary. That it's just a 'biological radar', that no thought gets put into it from their side. 

Also imagine the terror of being on the other side of things. Of being a woman. You get judged solely on your looks and ratio's of your body parts, at least on the first glance and most of the time forever.

[Salvijus]

How authentic u are is directly proportional to how connected u are to the presence, it's the only authentic thing in existence. In other words it's a question of your development in consciouness.

Edited August 25, 2022 by Salvijus

[Salvijus]

4 hours ago, something_else said:

IMO "being yourself" is a cliche way of saying "stop being anxious"

When you are anxious, you are holding back your authentic personality, beliefs, values, out of fear of judgement. You are acting in a muted way that is intended to control and manipulate how others see you out of fear, rather than showing your true personality.

This is a good answer also.

The energies of fear and anxiety make us contract, become mental and lose touch with reality, the present moment where there is no tension and everything flows naturally and beautifully.

[petar8p]

4 hours ago, something_else said:

IMO "being yourself" is a cliche way of saying "stop being anxious"

When you are anxious, you are holding back your authentic personality, beliefs, values, out of fear of judgement. You are acting in a muted way that is intended to control and manipulate how others see you out of fear, rather than showing your true personality.

Yeah, this is a great explanation.

 

Being yourself - Don't feel guilty about who you are, but instead feel proud and enrich others with uniqueness of your personality. 

[mr_engineer]

44 minutes ago, petar8p said:

It's a biological mechanism that doesn't need breaking because it's damn useful and important. It signals to a woman a man of value, who is capable of handling adversity, provides for her and conquers whatever he needs to get to where he wants.

Looks like I'm going to have to spill the beans. 

Women get an idea of what a 'competent man' is, from their fathers. And this is where they get their subconscious definition of 'strength'. And, if their fathers were faking 'confidence', which a lot of them are, this fucks up their internal compass. And, they hold onto it, cuz daddy! 

40 minutes ago, Nilsi said:

Maybe you weren't so confident after all. Women can smell confidence ten miles against the wind, so don't be silly.

In theory, you're right. In practice, some of them can't smell confidence. They can smell what they associate with confidence. Which is money, status, a certain body-posture, a certain way of walking, a certain way of talking, etc. That's how they do it. If we're talking about pure biological instinct. Now, some women are smart and they can see through fake confidence. Some can't. 

29 minutes ago, petar8p said:

Also imagine the terror of being on the other side of things. Of being a woman. You get judged solely on your looks and ratio's of your body parts, at least on the first glance and most of the time forever.

We take what women offer to us. If women weren't competing against each other to be hotter, trust me, we wouldn't even have an idea of a 'hot woman'. They exist because they want to exist! 

[petar8p]

I find that you got enough high-quality answers here. You have a right to believe what you want.

 

Based on your answers, chances are you still have a lot of time to put into meeting women and developing yourself as a person. We cannot do that part for you. 

 

Remember: you can grow bitter or grow better. 

 

I'm off this topic.

[Nilsi]

6 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

In theory, you're right. In practice, some of them can't smell confidence. They can smell what they associate with confidence. Which is money, status, a certain body-posture, a certain way of walking, a certain way of talking, etc. That's how they do it. If we're talking about pure biological instinct. Now, some women are smart and they can see through fake confidence. Some can't. 

Exactly. Your body will give it away if you're just pretending. You can't be confident and have meek body language and speak like a little boy. You can actually practice these things to increase your confidence - it works both ways.

[mr_engineer]

Something I find very interesting here is that whenever I say something that you disagree with, your rationalization is 'you don't have enough experience with women. Go talk to women and you'll see that I'm right'. 

I could do the same thing! I could say that 'you don't know what I'm talking about cuz you don't have experience with women'. Just throwing it out there. It's disrespectful. It's like saying 'you can't know what a woman is, if you're not a biologist' or something absurd like that. 

4 minutes ago, petar8p said:

Remember: you can grow bitter or grow better. 

This is not an issue of 'growing bitter'. This is an issue of vetting. 

2 minutes ago, Nilsi said:

 You can't be confident and have meek body language and speak like a little boy. 

Here's the thing, though - you can. I can be confident and choose to behave however I want!! But, their so-called 'sixth-sense' would not pick up on it. And I'd have to get manipulative now to show them how 'confident' I am. 

[Nilsi]

30 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

Here's the thing, though - you can. I can be confident and choose to behave however I want!! But, their so-called 'sixth-sense' would not pick up on it. And I'd have to get manipulative now to show them how 'confident' I am. 

You can explore the whole spectrum of behavior and emotions, I'm all for that, but if you can't also embody confidence and masculinity, you will be unbalanced and ungrounded.

[King Merk]

On 24/08/2022 at 9:27 PM, mr_engineer said:

@King Merk I'm talking about what the traditional advice of 'be yourself' actually means. 

Do they love you because you're an introvert, or despite you being an introvert? Is it an advantage or a disadvantage? 

When you truly own yourself it doesn’t matter.

I’m introverted. I love death metal. I do drugs. I have a receding hairline. I hold polarizing opinions. I’m a Pokémon master. 

I am many things that on paper are not attractive… but in practice because I love myself for who I am women in return find me attractive for that.

Being yourself is all about self acceptance and self love.

Women reject you because you don’t love yourself enough.

That’s what they mean when they say “be yourself”. It means be authentic. It means stop trying to get women’s approval. It mean to be willing to take a stand for what your authentic values and unique interests are. 

[mr_engineer]

43 minutes ago, King Merk said:

I’m introverted. I love death metal. I do drugs. I have a receding hairline. I hold polarizing opinions. I’m a Pokémon master. 

That's it?! Is that all 'self-love' takes?! Okay, that's easy, I can do that. That's the popular image of 'self-love' right now. Doesn't have much to do with what 'love' actually means, it doesn't mean 'approval', but whatever. 

43 minutes ago, King Merk said:

I am many things that on paper are not attractive… but in practice because I love myself for who I am women in return find me attractive for that.

Being yourself is all about self acceptance and self love.

Women reject you because you don’t love yourself enough.

In essence, they're saying, hold a positive frame. I mean, that's kinda shallow. And it's easy to trick them by being inauthentic using an image of 'authenticity'. 

43 minutes ago, King Merk said:

That’s what they mean when they say “be yourself”. It means be authentic. It means stop trying to get women’s approval. It mean to be willing to take a stand for what your authentic values and unique interests are. 

I don't know why they think that being 'self-loving' and 'trying to get women's approval' are mutually exclusive. That's the image right now, I guess. 

I think they're projecting their tendency to chase men's approval and this gets in the way of their self-love. That's a possibility. 

Edited August 26, 2022 by mr_engineer

[mr_engineer]

Whenever someone says 'love yourself', a lot of times, it's because they don't want to love you! So, I tend to want to next them. That's the most self-loving thing I can do! But, they don't understand the ramifications of 'self-love'. It's just theory that they're conditioned with.