What 'be yourself' actually means.

[mr_engineer]

It means, be loud and obnoxious. Cuz if you're quiet/introverted, women see that as 'meek'/'weak'. 

[Federico del pueblo]

@mr_engineer If you're a cool and confident guy, being yourself is what gets you good results.

If you're a shy and insecure guy, being yourself is what makes you invisible to women, so get no results.

That's why I recommend "become whoever you want to be".

Edited August 24, 2022 by Federico del pueblo
Added semicolon :)

[King Merk]

Speak for yourself.

I’m introverted and women love me. 

[mr_engineer]

@King Merk I'm talking about what the traditional advice of 'be yourself' actually means. 

Do they love you because you're an introvert, or despite you being an introvert? Is it an advantage or a disadvantage? 

[Emotionalmosquito]

Ted Bundy was always being himself. Does that mean it was a good thing for him to or should he have changed into someone different? What about those of us who aren’t serial killers? Those of us who always try our best but still get blown out at every turn exactly BECAUSE we’re being ourselves? 

“Be yourself” has to be the most frustrating thing people often say and it needs to be completely and permanently eradicated from the earth, in my professional opinion.

 

 

 

[Leo Gura]

8 hours ago, mr_engineer said:

It means, be loud and obnoxious. Cuz if you're quiet/introverted, women see that as 'meek'/'weak'. 

No, that's not what it means.

[mr_engineer]

4 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

No, that's not what it means.

What does it mean, then? 

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, mr_engineer said:

What does it mean, then? 

Go talk to girls for a few years and you'll find out.

[mr_engineer]

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Go talk to girls for a few years and you'll find out.

I don't know why you keep assuming that I don't talk to girls. They never tell you what it means! It's for us to decipher. 

 

[Leo Gura]

30 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

I don't know why you keep assuming that I don't talk to girls. They never tell you what it means! It's for us to decipher. 

 

I'm not suggesting they will tell you. You'll discover by practicing your game.

[flowboy]

You need to get to know yourself in order to be yourself.

I wouldn't define "being yourself" as this, but it definitely includes saying what is deeply true for you, digging so deep into your own authenticity that whatever comes out sparkles with your unique hue.

Being yourself is not about being quiet or loud.

If the environment you want to be yourself in, requires you to be loud, be yourself in a way that people can hear you.

Don't conflate "being yourself" with staying in your comfort zone.

[UnbornTao]

Interesting question to contemplate on your own. 

Don't limit it to the context of dating, or even relationships.

I think this issue is about the principle of authenticity. 

What does it mean to be oneself?

In your experience, there are times when you assess you haven't been authentic. Why? What have you done that didn't arise naturally in you? Etc.

It's not acting out every impulse that arises in you.

[something_else]

IMO "being yourself" is a cliche way of saying "stop being anxious"

When you are anxious, you are holding back your authentic personality, beliefs, values, out of fear of judgement. You are acting in a muted way that is intended to control and manipulate how others see you out of fear, rather than showing your true personality.

[gettoefl]

1. know yourself 2. communicate this self's essence in a compelling concise cute way

both of which take some deep work

[petar8p]

13 hours ago, King Merk said:

Speak for yourself.

I’m introverted and women love me.

Same here

[petar8p]

11 hours ago, mr_engineer said:

@King Merk I'm talking about what the traditional advice of 'be yourself' actually means. 

Do they love you because you're an introvert, or despite you being an introvert? Is it an advantage or a disadvantage? 

Too much questions. Just be yourself introvert or extrovert. Extroverts can be annoying as fuck to women.

 

If you're an introvert, it's  just important not being afraid to state your opinion, but state what you're for and what you fuck with. 

 

Chill guy with silent confidence makes them crazy.

[UnbornTao]

8 minutes ago, petar8p said:

Too much questions. Just be yourself introvert or extrovert. Extroverts can be annoying as fuck to women.

 

If you're an introvert, it's  just important not being afraid to state your opinion, but state what you're for and what you fuck with. 

 

Chill guy with silent confidence makes them crazy.

Framing this discussion in terms of dating is myopic, in my view.

You might not be an introvert even if your self-image is consistent with that behavior. 

Dig it. I'm trying to point out the possibility that you might not be yourself.

Therefore, you could behave in any way that is effective in interaction without thinking that it is you.

It boils down to knowing yourself at all levels, metaphysically and personality-wise. 

Is an actor who plays a role being himself?

I'm saying that how we show up to the world is through a character, and that it is existentially unreal.

[mr_engineer]

39 minutes ago, petar8p said:

Chill guy with silent confidence makes them crazy.

How do they distinguish between 'silent confidence' and 'meekness'/'weakness'? And does this  differ based on the individual woman? 

[petar8p]

36 minutes ago, UnbornTao said:

Framing this discussion in terms of dating is myopic, in my view.

That's just how OP framed it and I don't think there's anything wrong with it, especially since it's the type of advice that's perhaps most recommended in dating, so it provides an additional context to the topic.

 

38 minutes ago, UnbornTao said:

Is an actor who plays a role being himself?

I think he has to be to an extent and embody that character in order to play a good role.

 

@UnbornTao You're making it tough for me to answer your points because I would have to get too much into details, we would have to define extroversion/introversion for the sake of this debate etc.

 

We're all playing a character but what does that object to? In order to play handball, you have to do certain things that bring more effective game and you play in the context of rules and best practices. It already got to deep and I don't think it's too necessary for the sake of this topic.

 

 

 

[petar8p]

20 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

How do they distinguish between 'silent confidence' and 'meekness'/'weakness'? And does this  differ based on the individual woman? 

For the most part it doesn't differ too much, but some might prefer chill guys, others' may prefer loud, talkative, energetic ones. 

 

The point is that none wins the most fights and it's more about underlying characteristics and values they can read behind what you portray than what you portray.

 

Basically they have a sense for it, a radar, it's evolutionary, biologically ingrained within them so you have a really hard time faking it.