Resisting Ego Death | Surrendering & Anxiety

[DrugsBunny]

I tripped on LSD yesterday and it felt like I had the opportunity to surrender fully to ego death if I wanted to. The only issue is, it felt quite uncomfortable. I'll be having a perfectly pleasant trip, feel myself beginning to get carried away by a trance, then anxiety kicks in.

My best attempt to describe it would be like, it seems that my ego is comprised of a ton of tiny "nodes", or very miniscule elements of consciousness, almost like a pixel but not visible, and some nodes are inextricably connected with my "fear response" protocol in my brain. Even though there is no reason to feel fear, the nodes that evoke fear get triggered as I start to "surrender" then I back off and say "nah fuck this, I'll just meditate and quell this feeling before trying ego death".

Is ego death supposed to evoke such a stark aversion? Just wanna make sure I'm doing this properly.

[Razard86]

14 hours ago, DrugsBunny said:

I tripped on LSD yesterday and it felt like I had the opportunity to surrender fully to ego death if I wanted to. The only issue is, it felt quite uncomfortable. I'll be having a perfectly pleasant trip, feel myself beginning to get carried away by a trance, then anxiety kicks in.

My best attempt to describe it would be like, it seems that my ego is comprised of a ton of tiny "nodes", or very miniscule elements of consciousness, almost like a pixel but not visible, and some nodes are inextricably connected with my "fear response" protocol in my brain. Even though there is no reason to feel fear, the nodes that evoke fear get triggered as I start to "surrender" then I back off and say "nah fuck this, I'll just meditate and quell this feeling before trying ego death".

Is ego death supposed to evoke such a stark aversion? Just wanna make sure I'm doing this properly.

^This is completely normal nothing wrong with the fear. Ego death is easier when the pull is to strong for you to resist. Mostly only experienced ego death users can relax into one with such a weak pull. A true ego death...wouldn't even give you a choice lol. 

[Tyler Robinson]

Just an interesting video I thought I would share. 

Getting back to ego death..  What the guy describes in the video I would say is actually awakening.  You are aware that you are not your ego, but the ego still has it's effect on you.

I would say what ego death really is, is when you have been living in an awakened state for a while and have noticed your ego so much to the point where you no longer properly identify with it.  At this point you may have an identity crisis and go through some hard times...  Is this correct?  Has anyone experienced this and if so how did you deal with it?

I had this realisation that there isn't really a 'me' (awakening) the other day.  It was very profound at the time and then I became scared, worried of the implications it would have on my /love life etc.  Then I started to see more of the positives to it.  Since then I have been very calm and still for the last few days. At the same time, I feel like I've uncovered something that is non reversible.  It sounds awful but its a bit like opening pandoras box LOL.  I feel like I don't have a choice in being on this path now and that more is going to unfold without my will. 

The only thing I can compare this feeling to is from when I experimented with drugs for a while. I spent a few years experimenting with drugs and had a few experiences where I was high and actually believed that I had uncovered another reality, the way it really was... 

This reality I thought I had uncovered is very similar to what I feel now.  The more I think about it the more I trip out.  LOL I just hope I don't end up in a mental ward..!

 

[Leo Gura]

15 hours ago, DrugsBunny said:

Is ego death supposed to evoke such a stark aversion?

Yes. You're dying.

[Sempiternity]

Here's a way of going about it. Every night you relax and begin to fade away till everything is gone. There is no more "you', or the world, just nothingness. Then the mind (God/You) begins to create anything it wants. In a way this is death. Every night you surrender to death, and you have no issues doing so. So next time you take a substance, and feel like you're "dying", reframe it as you're "falling asleep". Maybe this reframing will make the transition smoother.

[Ry4n]

Adyashanti's meditations might really help you with that fear; it's a slower and safer transition into oneness.

Just think of the tremendous relief that WILL come when you come out on the other side, the ego is a massive weight and letting go of it even temporarily is such a weight off.

Loving kindness practice for developing compassion and trust is also really useful for this problem. Learning to have a deep trust in yourself and life is a very profound part of the spiritual journey so welcome that challenge. 

Edited August 25, 2022 by Ry4n