Self Improvement Is A Lonely Path At Times

[Rebecc]

Hi everyone! 

This is my first time posting and hope this is to the right board. I'm really excited to part of a community of like minded people. I've been doing self development consistent for a while now. I feel like I'm reaching a point where I'm starting to realize the low quality consciousness of the majority of the people that I'm around. 

With that being said nobody is horrible that I should cut them out of my life. Many of them have wonderful redeeming qualities. However, the state or their consciousness certainly makes me want to limit the time that I am around them. 

Independence is an important piece of self development/self actualizing, etc. but part of me can't help but feel like it's a rather lonely road at times. Any advice for someone who's going through this bit? (I hope I posted in the right forum)

[Nahm]

Hi and welcome! You posted in the right forum. I find this group to be open and honest, which makes for fun and growth. We're all getting what we're giving. When you say lonely, is it somewhat like you can see the causations that others can not? I think I can relate. I went through a period when I started following my daily rituals. Sometimes, when my friends communicated a negative outlook, I found that they seem to think it was a more accurate view of reality. I used to say things like - you just need some exercise, you should try meditation. I thought if they did what I was doing, they would see that it was their outlook or perspective that was ailing them and holding them back, not "reality" or circumstances. I found that there is a safeguard of sorts, for experience. I started to realize how this served me. It helped me realize just how easily I would shift from my vision, my knowing, to understanding where they were at, where they were coming from. I gained a lot of clarity about the power of keeping my own focus on what I know and what I am. Ironically, nonhelp, nonsuggestion- left them with a realization (in their witnessing of my noncodependent thinking) that what ailed them was their perspective. Suddenly, everyone I know started doing personal development to different extents. 

[Flare]

That's a good sign. You're most likely getting in a state of independence following this down the road. (If you're into Buddhism there is a state called "drunk of emptiness" - which a more spiritual definition.) That mainly detaches you from a need for anything - After that you come back an enter a state called intradependence where you relate on a whole other level, in which you stop judging people on where they're at. 

So see your loneliness as a gift and dive into it. Being attached to a certain amount of attention will always stop you from going forward. 

There is actually a poem from Bukowski which fits your situation quite well.

[Rebecc]

@Flare what a beautiful poem. Thank you for sharing 

[Phrae]

Eventually there will be people that admire that loneliness of yours. I don't know if you know Peter Ralston, but he feels like the loneliest person in the planet. Here he talks about how much work it took him. Maybe you'll get a much more accurate sense of loneliness from him.

It is always beautiful for a person to be walking that path. Dealing with the loneliness is part of the path. 

One thing about raising one's consciousness is that in a sense you could say you can't go back. It's a constant process of disillusioning. Just press on because it's absolutely worth it.

 

[ajasatya]

@Rebecc yes it can be lonely for a while until you learn how to be your best company. then loneliness transforms into solitude, which is the ground foundation for peace, emotional maturity and deeper learning.

[Rebecc]

@Phrae the no going back part is so true. I only look back now to see how far I've come.  you are so right about being worth it. I just gotta remember the   Role loneliness plays in the grand scheme of things

[RossE]

@Phrae I love these videos Leo does with Peter - I wonder why Leo hasn't promoted the series on here, unless he did and I've missed it. There's some great nuggets in there.

@Rebecc I also feel quite lonely on this path a lot. The deeper i go, the less I can discuss any of it with anyone close. The only people who understand it are actualized.org forum members!

Just have faith that you will still retain friendships and/or gain new ones who share the same drive for PD and/or spirituality that you do. Have you noticed your relationships with people without this drive weakening over time? 

Edited February 12, 2017 by RossE

[Nahm]

When you feel the 'loneliness' think about how you are taking the path less travelled. You're on an adventure. You're going to find what others will never know. You're liberating yourself. If you're so inclined, you can use these things you will obtain in your adventure to help others. You're living!

[Rebecc]

@Nahm @RossE thank you both for your wonderful words of encouragement. My friends who operate on a higher frequency are busier. They're accomplishing their goals and that takes up a lot of their time. I don't see them as much as I'd like because I'm busy doing big things as well. Sorta a catch 22. On the flip side I have a friend who has more free time but I'm starting to second guess whether it's one I want to keep maintaining. She hasn't matured much in our 6 years of being friends and is not a very self aware person. I just got done talking with her on the phone and now I feel a shift in my overall mood. (Not in a good way)

what I am thankful for is the fact that my fiancé is someone I would consider very high frequency. So in that regard I'm happy I can connect with someone intimately on that level