Becoming God trip report

[amanen]

This is one of my deepest trips I have experienced so far, and it is actually one of my earlier trips.

Substance: 200ug LSD and 100mg MDMA

This is actually not that high of a dose for me, I usually take much larger doses, but during this trip I was able to let go very deeply which potentiated the trip massively.

Report:

As this was years ago, I do not remember the comeup, so I will skip to the peak. The peak is starting to set in, I feel this extremely deep need to let go. I am listening to music. I lie down on a couch and I am about close my eyes, but before I do my awareness suddenly goes out of my POV and I am able to see the surroundings of my environment as if from above. I see beyond walls, and it is as if my POV and perspective is at all places at the same time. I begin to dissolve rapidly. There is a sense that I have done this infinitely many times before. I see people walking outside from a very expanded level consciousness, but not through my eyes. I let go even more, and I think at this point there is no more distinction between having my eyes open or closed, it became a meaningless concept, there was just experience. I begin to experientially dissolve all qualities I am familiar with in my experience: sense of I, being in a location, and much more. Experiential qualities like the temperature, external environment, memory, music, time, and everything you consider to be a part of your human experience are absolutely deconstructed away from my experience. What I mean is that these things ceased to exist in my experience, as I was realizing that it had been me all along who had been constructing these things. They were not outside elements, but all created by my mind. It is as if a huge burden is being lifted off from me, all my limitations are falling away. At this point my consciousness zooms out and encompasses a galaxy. I am filled with indescribable deep physical euphoria, ecstacy, bliss, and love. It felt like an orgasm, except it was thousands of times stronger and everywhere. I was feeling this infinitely deep euphoria and love on the scale of a galaxy, not in a body, because I no longer had a body, I had deconstructed it. I was feeling it everywhere where I was - which currently was a galaxy, or something of that scale. My consciousness was filled with nothing but bliss, and was incredibly vast, I cannot even begin to describe this. It should be noted that at this point I had no separate senses left, the only thing in my existence was this spacious bliss, alongside a visual representation of the form that I had become, but rather than seeing the form, I had become all of it.

I keep letting go, and as I do, my awareness starts to encompass a whole universe. I was being it, I became it. The bliss becomes even more intense, I cannot in any way relate to this level of love and bliss in my current state. After this, I let go even more and now I see an infinite number of these universes, and become something akin to a multiverse. At this point I feel like full on God. No longer there is any subject and object, only experience itself. There was total Oneness in so many different dimensions. The intelligence, beauty, bliss, and love are indescribable. All of this transition happened very fast. I then let go even more until my form and experience was nothing but something like an infinite number of godheads. Alex Grey's artwork The Net of Being shows a very crude version of a state like this. What I experienced was infinitely more grand. I was not seeing an internal hallucination with my eyes closed of these godheads, at this point I literally did not have eyes in my experience, and instead of seeing anything I was becoming the space of these places itself. The godheads, that I now was, were indescribably intelligent, and each godhead contained within an infinite number of dimensions and universes inside it. They were perfectly one, yet infinite at the same time, and were in total communication with each other. There was nothing left of my human experience, I was full on God. It should be noted that my usual senses did not exist, nor did memory, time, or language. There was just utter peace, bliss, love, intelligence, beauty, and consciousness. There was infinite self knowing. I was in control of everything, yet I did not have to control anything. This was nirvana. I became completely omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent. Everything was an infinite fractal, containing everything else in any point of the experience. This state was completely self-sustained and self-generated, the source being me, which was infinite consciousness. There was a infinite beauty, which was reflective in quality, and conveyed the feeling of total awakening. The love was infinitely deep, there was nothing but love. I was absolutely conscious of everything in existence. I stretched infinitely far in all possible dimensions, not only spatial, but in all experiential dimensions that were possible. The creative potential was so vast I could have created trillions fully fledged out dimensions and it wouldn't even come close to the full capacity of this state, but I felt no desire to do anything. I could do anything, and I mean anything at all. Nothing was impossible. The bliss and love at this point are infinite in magnitude, and were I be still in a physical body, the body would literally die from the amount of love and bliss I was experiencing. This state was the source of all creation and my true nature. This unmanifest realm was where I would go when I died. This was what I was before I was born. All of this felt very deeply healing, as if every state I ever experienced as a human was utterly unsatisfactory compared to this, nothing ever came even close to this. I then proceeded to rest in this state for an infinitely long time. For comparison, all of my life up until this point was experientially not even a fraction as long as I was here. A million years would not even come close to how long I was in this blissful state. After I felt like I had become completely and utterly satisfied, I decided I wanted to become a human again. This only happened once I was completely satisfied after spending an infinitely long time in this state. I began to construct a human experience again. I started with making the physical universe, then I started localizing myself into it. I started reconstructing the music, clock time, the physical body, personal memory and other things like this. I consciously went through the process of creating my memories, my life situation, my environment, and could have chosen any form I wanted for myself, but I specifically wanted to be me. I completely desired to be me, and this was the sole reason I constructed myself as I was. I begin to come back, and at this point I once again have a physical human form, but I am still feeling the love and euphoria, though now it is localized to be felt all over my body. I continue to lower my level of consciousness so that I can experience what it is like to be a human, because as long as I am a body it cannot keep this level of consciousness or it would physically disintegrate, so I had to use my intelligence to put limitations on myself. The rest of the trip was then spent enjoying the music, and being in awe of the fact that I was God. This trip permamently changed all of my understanding regarding reality, life, myself, and so much more. It should also be noted that when I say that something was infinite in scale here, it truly was at that scale, and I am not exaggerating one bit regarding the level of love, bliss, and consciousness that I experienced. 

Edited August 23, 2022 by amanen
Typo

[OBEler]

@amanen woah great report!! Was nice to read, I never experienced something like this even close. 

 

Did you consume Mdma with lsd together on exact time? Were there any fear? 

Edited August 23, 2022 by OBEler

[amanen]

35 minutes ago, OBEler said:

@amanen woah great report!! Was nice to read, I never experienced something like this even close. 

 

Did you consume Mdma with lsd together on exact time? Were there any fear? 

I took MDMA when I was starting to feel the effects of the LSD. There wasn't any fear, MDMA easily takes away any potential fear from trips.

[Razard86]

never heard of mdma what is that?

[Breakingthewall]

2 hours ago, Razard86 said:

never heard of mdma what is that?

the drug of love, which makes people empathic, fearless,  and eager to dance techno for several days in a row. interesting but with a tough hangover as it depletes your serotonin and then the lack is perceived as depression

[Leo Gura]

Very nice, you got it

[Jannes]

??

also want ?????

[SelfHelpGuy]

This made me so so so happy.

I laughed so hard at moments as if I had a little piece of me remember what you’re talking of as if it’s my old forgotten home.

 

Every fiber in me knows this is what I desire, what you spoke of, thank you for reminding me once more <3 I’ll see you there soon

[BlessedLion]

Wow. Mind blowing. #Goals

 

Thank you for sharing 

[Adamq8]

Nice one ?

[Breakingthewall]

Several times your trip has come to my mind. nobody has given importance here to the detail of the mdma. normally when you have a bad trip with lsd it is because of fear. and even on a good trip there are fears to overcome. that touch of mdma removes the fear. in fact, the main property of mdma is to eliminate fear. maybe this is a revolutionary idea

[Razard86]

22 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

Several times your trip has come to my mind. nobody has given importance here to the detail of the mdma. normally when you have a bad trip with lsd it is because of fear. and even on a good trip there are fears to overcome. that touch of mdma removes the fear. in fact, the main property of mdma is to eliminate fear. maybe this is a revolutionary idea

Sounds like it could be, I'll bookmark this for future reference.

[Breakingthewall]

I read your report for the third time. it is truly wonderful. It transmits to me a grandeur and depth without limits. the depth of reality is enormous. you got to the bottom . incredible