Torturous OCD Obessesion is Ruining my Peace

[SQAAD]

I suffer from OCD but for the last 3 years i have been doing a lot of response prevention and learning a lot about this monster. My father has it. Partially it must be genetic. My sisters don't have it though.

For the last 2 years i have been doing very well. But few months ago, i did watch a video that was about mindset. The guy in the video said that if you say things out loud then you increase the probability of those bad things happening. And how saying something out loud is much more powerful than just thinking it.

Also he mentioned a story of a guy who freaked out and ended up dying while he was closed in a refrigerator. The refrigerator was not working. But he was convinced in his mind that it was working and ended up killing himself. I don't know if the story is true or not.

Moreover he mentioned the story of an athlete who was constantly saying that he wil die at 40 and actually did die at 40.............  

After this , i became paranoid of saying bad things out loud. A part of me knew that this fear was irrational but another part of my brain was afraid ''what if you can actually say something bad and cause some harm to your body by some subconscious mechanism?''.

OCD does not need proof. OCD only needs an What If. Also OCD doubts everything.

This obsession has caused tremendous ridiculous levels of suffering in my life. I like contemplating by speaking out loud & If i say something ''negative'' like that i have cancer, then i get afraid that my body could actually cause me the cancer. Then i feel the urge to say the opposite to counteract the negative i just said. This only teaches my brain to be afraid of this stuff. I know the solution is to stop reacting all together. But it has been very difficult to do so.

I have evidence that this fear is bs. I have said multiple negative things that never did happen. And i don't beleive we have access to the bodily functions.

But there are also some examples that validate my fear. In the last video i posted, there was an experiment where people had different physiological reactions based on the amount of calories they believed they had ingested.

Anyway, i just wanna say whatever i want without this fear torturting me that i may damage my body because i said something bad. Any advice is highly appreciated.

 

Edited August 22, 2022 by SQAAD

[Raze]

Read rewire your ocd brain 

[Tyler Robinson]

This sounds more like a reverse placebo or nocebo effect. 

Try to focus on positive things in life 

 

Write 50 positive things you can do today.. Try

 

 

[SQAAD]

@Judy2

21 hours ago, Judy2 said:

Calling a part of yourself a monster is not gonna help you. The OCD pattern is there because at some point your brain thought this would serve you and keep you safe. It needs to be understood and loved, rather than demonized. 

I agree with that. Good advice.

21 hours ago, Judy2 said:

I think i have a similar issue with intrusive thoughts, where the fact that i am anxious about certain things makes me even more anxious, because there must be something to it if i think so much about it....It's a bit of a vicious cycle and the more you are trying to push these thoughts and feelings away, the stronger they'll be trying to make themselves heard. In order to break the cycle, you need to LISTEN. It doesn't mean that your fears are true or realistic, but give them a chance to speak up and listen closely. Engage with your fears in a mature way, "educate" them just as you would educate a child with these fears. This will automatically reduce the force behind them and lead you towards greater harmony.

I don't know.. You can hardly argue with your fears especially with OCD. Because you are seeking 100% absolute certainty when there is no such thing. You can for example assure yourself that the probability you got aids from touching that doorknob is very low probability but when you have OCD , you want zero probability. Hence you suffer.

The solution that works for me is simply to ignore the fears. I make space for them by listening but i don't engage with them or try to dismantle them because it never works. The brain can always come up with another what if statement.

21 hours ago, Judy2 said:

You may also wanna investigate the root fear that all of these situations have in common. Because i assume that it is not actually about your fear of cancer or dying in a refrigerator, but rather something like a lack of control or a general sense of unsafety. Investigate this and a solution will reveal itself to you.

 

I have analyzed this . What i've found is that my main fear is a general fear of suffering and pain. I fear for example a scenarion where i suffer so much that the only savior is suicide. That's what i fear the most. Being in a situation where my life is unberarable because of extreme levels of misery,pain and suffering.

[flowboy]

On 22/08/2022 at 4:22 PM, SQAAD said:

Also he mentioned a story of a guy who freaked out and ended up dying while he was closed in a refrigerator. The refrigerator was not working. But he was convinced in his mind that it was working and ended up killing himself. I don't know if the story is true or not.

Moreover he mentioned the story of an athlete who was constantly saying that he wil die at 40 and actually did die at 40.............  

After this , i became paranoid of saying bad things out loud. A part of me knew that this fear was irrational but another part of my brain was afraid ''what if you can actually say something bad and cause some harm to your body by some subconscious mechanism?''.

OCD does not need proof. OCD only needs an What If. Also OCD doubts everything.

This obsession has caused tremendous ridiculous levels of suffering in my life. I like contemplating by speaking out loud & If i say something ''negative'' like that i have cancer, then i get afraid that my body could actually cause me the cancer.

@SQAAD Carefully spot the difference here between saying something and being deeply convinced of something.

Do you believe everything you say?

In the moment perhaps.

But when you have a casual conversation where you just express your thoughts, and suppose you read it back a day or a week later?

You've changed your mind a bunch of times already.

Being deeply convinced of something negative might hurt you.

Saying it out loud casually won't make it come true.

This is where OCD might actually help: as long as you're doubting everything, no negative thing on your mind will manifest itself like that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQ_hIPAgP_0

[Jacob Morres]

Interesting. Has exposures been too difficult? 

If you have the insurance for it , I'd suggest looking into an OCD specialist

There's also a workbook that I found pretty decent: ACT for ocd. It goes over theory and there's a training program in there that seems good 

Also there's a YouTube channel called OCD and anxiety you might like that 

Also would like to mention that healing OCD is a full systemic thing for some people. For some people just doing exposures is not enough. So reducing stress, cleaning up diet, sleeping better etc. Will all help reduce it 

Edited August 25, 2022 by Jacob Morres