Am I sabotaging myself in meditation?

[MilenaS]

Hi,

For some time when I sit down to meditate, a thought enters my mind that what I do is not in harmony with myself. This thought is followed by a strong emotional reaction. I recognize it as fear. I fear that if I continue to meditate as I used to, that is, if I continue to concentrate on breath and meditate with a timer, I will break my inner integrity. I strongly feel that it would be wrong not to listen to this voice and instead continue to practice. I have resistance to keeping my daily habit. One of my parts, which seems to have the truth tells me that to be true to myself and stay on the proper path I should let go of my identification with daily meditation. Nevertheless, I sense that it could be self-sabotage against becoming enlightened. I am angry with this situation. I would like to feel okay with daily meditation just as it used to be earlier (although meditation was seldom pleasant to me and something I naturally wanted to do or feel enthusiastic about). But I am not content with the sense of helplessness, lack of choice and obligation to follow this part that tells me to break loyalty with meditation. I feel that I am robbing myself of sth I want. Before this inner conflict, I had a clear meditation technique and now I am somewhere between a new way of doing that and the old way with a feeling of impossibility to go back to the old way.  

Your reflection on this would help me so if you have any ideas or interpretations and you want to share it, leave a comment

Also, if you had a similar situation, tell me about it

[Vynce]

This is what happens when you meditate correctly. You are on a good course. 

Your egoic mind, the inner voice, which identifies with "mine" and "I" struggles to let you be in "no mind" and "non-egoic presence", because it fears its own annihilation. This is one of the first big waves every meditator has to face. You will soon see how ridiculous this fear is. Your ego will always come back with different strategies. Get used to it  

If the routine of sitting down and meditating for a specific time stirs havoc and resistance in you, add or change to other mediations techniques. Body scans are great. Or just becoming super still to notice all the auditice sensations in you surroundings. In the presence itself, every thought is gone, you cannot think and be present at the same time. Thats the only thing that matters in every kind of meditation. Replacing thoughts with presence. 

[gettoefl]

meditation is true self love where one cherishes cultivates contemplates champions one's beautiful magnificent divine essence

note that mind has no interest in meditation in fact it brings stiff and unwavering resistance, meditation is its death warrant after all

[Thought Art]

I have read some deep books on Qigong and meditation. The sitting meditation was only ever a small part of the enlightenment process bet because of information flows back then some people only learned the sitting meditation. Qigong should be a part of your practice.... Not just sitting imo...

Sitting meditation is important. But, it's not the end all be all. Still practice, but maybe expand a bit.

Edited August 21, 2022 by Thought Art