When women make excuses not to date you are they true or false?

[7thLetter]

I think it depends on the context but in most cases is it just bullshit or sometimes true?

There’s a woman who’s older than me who said she just got out of a 7 year relationship so she wasn’t willing to date me especially because she’s “not in the right place emotionally” to date. She also said she’s just starting to “find herself” after being someone who her ex wanted her to be.

We talked a lot and got along quite well at work before I asked her out. She also showed a lot of signs of interest or attraction towards me. When I tried to initiate plans she would often say yes but we never went out.

She said she thinks I’m really cool and really likes talking to me but then pretty much friend-zoned me over text.

I don’t know if I did something wrong or if she just actually isn’t in a place mentally and emotionally to date.

I tried one more time to make plans with her but no response so I cut it off completely and I texted her “it was nice meeting you.”

Thoughts?

[Federico del pueblo]

@7thLetter it's something like 80% excuses/20% truth.

Women come up with a lot of reasons to not meet you. The thing is, if these women perceived you to be extremely attractive, most of that stuff wouldn't matter. If their favourite actor is Brad Pitt and then Brad Pitt asks them on a date, she will find the time to go on a date with him, even if actually she didn't know where she was emotionally, or if her baby hamster was ill.

It's tough to deal with these things, but it's better to know things the way they are.

You'll simply realize that if you improve your attraction skills, your humour, your lifestyle, your confidence, maybe your physique, your fashion and similar things, then suddenly women have a lot less (not none) of these reasons for why they can't meet you AND also suddenly much less girls will have a boyfriend.

And women want to be kind to you, so it's easier to have an excuse to not meet you than it is to tell you "hey sorry, but I didn't feel enough attraction for you". Not to mention that many guys freak out when they receive messages like that, so we can't even entirely blame it on the girls ?

Now, please don't make this a problem. You shouldn't base your sense of self esteem on how much women tend to like you.

It is what it is.

Edited August 20, 2022 by Federico del pueblo

[Roy]

Women make excuses not to date you for the same reason you make excuses not to date someone, they aren't attracted to you and want to soften the blow.

Whether the excuse is true or not is irrelevant, because the result is the same.

You just keep looking until you find someone that does want to date you.

[Leo Gura]

Pretty common excuse. It's not worth your time analyzing whether it is true. Most girls are so confused about life they themselves don't know why they do what they do. Just move on to other girls.

Do not try hard to win girls over. If she's not down, next. And don't waste time trying to figure it out. Girls will waste a ton of your time with their drama, real or imagined. Do not indulge their drama, go about your life.

[Tyler Robinson]

6 minutes ago, hyruga said:

Because you asked the wrong questions. You don't ask "Do you want to be my gf?" You ask "Hey there's a nice restaurant that just opened recently. Why don't we go and eat together?" Asking a girl to be your girlfriend or going on a date is a very sensitive topic and girls will always come up with an excuse first to see what you will say so avoid asking that. Instead, just ask to go to a nice restaurant.

Just hold her hand when crossing the road and giving a reason like 'Hey there's lots of cars/dogs here. Be careful" Be touchy. 

When you do something romantic, quickly grab her wrist and ask to hug her/hug her straight. Don't say I love you. Say 'I want to eat breakfast with you everyday, want to sing karaoke with you' etc. She will know.

Another thing you can say is "I am a smoker. Do you mind if I smoke? Do you mind if I watch late night movies?" She will start seeing you as her boyfriend.

LOL. Either way she will know.. 

 

[QandC]

On 2022-08-21 at 0:51 AM, Roy said:

Women make excuses not to date you for the same reason you make excuses not to date someone, they aren't attracted to you and want to soften the blow.

Whether the excuse is true or not is irrelevant, because the result is the same.

You just keep looking until you find someone that does want to date you.

Not always true. There could be logical reasons that makes them keep their guard up. For example a woman can be so attracted to you and still so unsure of herself that she will subconsciously find ways to mess it up, in order to protect herself. 

Most guys take every rejection as a personal thing, for example "Oh she doesn't like me, not attracted to me, I am worthless" while it's actually just on her. A man has to be like a damn rock. It's def. not easy for men but once you understand female nature things become so transparent and obvious. 

In essence, never take it personally when a woman rejects you. 

[7thLetter]

Even though Leo said it’s not worth my time trying to figure it out, I think I found an explanation for what happened to me in this situation with this woman.

I believe she was ‘breadcrumbing’ me. That was my initial assumption when she started to show signs of inconsistency. And now it seems my assumption is true.

I’m just going to leave it at that and move on.

Some articles on breadcrumbing:

https://www.healthline.com/health/relationships/breadcrumbing

https://www.brides.com/what-is-breadcrumbing-5105353

[Roy]

11 hours ago, QandC said:

Not always true. There could be logical reasons that makes them keep their guard up. For example a woman can be so attracted to you and still so unsure of herself that she will subconsciously find ways to mess it up, in order to protect herself. 

It doesn't matter if it's logical or illogical, true or not true, what she is feeling or not feeling, or if she doesn't know what to do.

From a mans point of view the only thing that matters is getting a YES or a NO, and accepting at face value whatever answer you get. All energy spent thinking about it is pointless.