This is a hell realm

[Holykael]

• Alone with billions of monkey puppets
• None of the monkey puppets are conscious except you
• Jobs are necessary, unfulfilling and take up most of your life
• God controls your thoughts, appetite, sex drive and everything while you maintain the idea of a separate self as the ego 
• Complete lack of free will but ego awareness of this fact
• Once you awaken, you find yourself alone in this hellscape destined to work for decades until your miserable life ends and you can finally be free
• No easy way to kill yourself where I'm from
• Psychedelics are illegal and hard to access
• Society doesn't provide euthanasia so you can die in peace if you don't want to play anymore. You're forced to live in the awfulness
• Tasty food makes you fat and unhealthy 
• Pleasurable things like Cigarettes give you way too many health problems 
• Disease and hospitals and all that trash is inevitable as you age
• Awakening doesn't provide liberation, makes you hyper aware of the prison you're in with no way out
• God handicaps itself severely for no reason whatsoever, just cuz 
• The robots, aka people are enacting suffering on a massive scale right in front of you
• People don't stick around, relationships are fragile and flimsy 
• Rent is too damn high, everything is way too costly and everything requires constant maintenance and it still degrades
• The robots are completely indifferent to you, they are programmed to have their meaningless interactions and for you to be a neverending spectator of those interactions
• Life is way too long, a couple of decades is enough to make you feel like you've experienced all you wanted in this world
• Only you suffer in absolute solipsism but nobody acknowledges that fact. They all pretend to suffer and demand solutions for their make believe suffering
• You are the only conscious being in existence, the CEO of reality but everyone treats you like a nobody 
• Psychedelics can put you in an ever stronger hell just as easily as they can take you to a heaven that doesn't last and leaves you hanging in the mediocrity of daily life 
• You know you are responsible for everything but you can't do shit about it because your true self hides itself from you in a brick wall of awareness that you can't penetrate in your sober state
• You want your ego to die and disappear but it just doesn't
• You yearn for non existence but it doesn't exist. You can't just sleep forever 
• There are no solutions to suffering. You suffer and suffer and it has no end. You realize that this is eternity and that you'll be suffering for eternity with a few breaks in between
• You're mad and insane and you're stuck with yourself for eternity
• God is infinitely cruel to itself for eternity
• The few good moments you have makes the general suck of everything feel much worse by contrast 
• God is a drama queen and is constantly generating drama between people, there's no peace

Edited August 20, 2022 by Holykael

[Holykael]

10 minutes ago, Holykael said:

•  

Edited August 20, 2022 by Holykael

[Nilsi]

L

[integral]

Listening everything you're not grateful for? 

[Tyler Robinson]

21 minutes ago, Holykael said:

Awakening doesn't provide liberation, makes you hyper aware of the prison you're in with no way out

This one hurts the most because I went through it. 

[Breakingthewall]

@Holykael

could you explain your awakening? How was? I ask you because it is very possible that it was not a total awakening. this would be very positive for you, since this point where you are would not be real

[Holykael]

24 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

@Holykael

could you explain your awakening? How was? I ask you because it is very possible that it was not a total awakening. this would be very positive for you, since this point where you are would not be real

 

It's impossible to describe in a few paragraphs. It's a multi month journey. One time when I took LSD I became the CEO of reality and became conscious I had written every single book. Another time on mushrooms the hard floor became soft in my hands. 

I've had awakenings to absolute solipsism as well which involved people becoming remote controlled puppets in front of me. 

I've had experiences of no-self as well through meditation.

I've had out of body experiences, astral projection and lucid dreams. I've had telepathy experiences as well.

One time on 5 MEO DMT I was crucified like Christ and then in the aftermath I became conscious of how I had constructed the story of this entire reality.

This is very surface level description of my awakening. It involved much crazier shit than this but I don't want to talk about it in a public forum. Doesn't help the fact that you're me pretending like you already dont know everything about me. 

I went through all the traps from secret societies, to law of one and new age and then gnosticism, prison planet and finally it's all me and none of that shit is real.

Edited August 20, 2022 by Holykael

[Gabith]

You need more love, listen to Matt Kahn's teachings, it will help you if you are open 

[NoSelfSelf]

No its not its your own perception of the world that keeps you in prison aka hell realm...

[Breakingthewall]

@Holykael

do not rule out that all this is your ego holding the prey. true awakening is recognizing yourself in what you always were, you lost a couple of seconds in this game we call life, and now you find yourself again. you are the unfathomable void that is pure perfection, love without limit. It is a thousand times more than any wild fantasy of glory. Are you. you will see. If I were you, I would break the firewall that keeps you imprisoned. You're close, that's why he gets so son of a bitch. if necessary do 5meo ten days in a row even if the first 9 are 9 horrible crucifixions. do it twice in one day. you'll break the firewall, you'll see

[Razard86]

4 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

No its not its your own perception of the world that keeps you in prison aka hell realm...

^ You're creating your suffering. I will have to say this multiple times until my head is blue. Victim mentality is delusion. As a baby if you gave up because it was hard you would never have learned to talk. If you never took school seriously you would have never learned to read and write.

I can tell you never played God mode in a video game or mastered something tough utterly and completely. If there wasn't challenge in life there would be nothing to do. If you could predict the future perfectly there would be nothing to look forward too. If you could jump back easily between being God consciousness and human consciousness you strip all meaning away.

Go play a hacked a game where at anytime you can just change the rules of the game at whim whenever it gets too hard. What you will find over time...is you will get bored of it and turn it off. If God made suicide painless or too easy, you would quit more often. God wanted a life. You can't have a life if you do those things.

Besides the truth is, you are just venting you claim its hard to kill yourself? Its actually quite easy. You are nowhere near the edge because you wouldn't be on the forums writing long paragraphs. You would be constructing strategies to end it all. Stop lying to yourself, you just want things to get a little easier for a short while that's all. 

You don't have a strong foundation map of reality and that is why you suffer. You only suffer your perception. Stop saying God like its not you. ITS YOU. Like I still can't understand how awakening to the fact that you are God makes you a bigger victim than before? If its you, how are you blaming anyone else? It doesn't even make sense!!!! It's like you commit murder yesterday and say I can't believe the yesterday version of me killed that person. He's so bad he should be better!!!

This abdication of responsibility is so delusional at this point you might need to get checked out or something. Its not healthy. You gonna claim you didn't write this paragraph too? God is so bad it wrote this whole thread!! God is so bad it made me walk and brush my teeth.

But here is the funny thing!!! If you got what you wanted in life you wouldn't say it was God, you would say it was the human you!!!

So when things are bad, God fault, when things are good for me, HUMAN ME!!!

You don't even realize how big of a trap you have created. You have created the infinite ditch called victimization that you are constantly digging. You dig low enough you may off yourself. If you are afraid to off yourself then you are lying you want to live and are playing the victim.

[NoSelfSelf]

@Razard86 we have this thing called contracts that create how we feel and they are usually messed up like contract saying i hate rain and i dont have anything to do when its raining its making me depressed...so every time rain comes you will be depressed automatically and blame weather for your internal problems its like in everything and just in reaction mode and not taking proactive contract that serves you..

Edit:just different perspective of what you said

[Holykael]

21 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

^ You're creating your suffering. I will have to say this multiple times until my head is blue. Victim mentality is delusion. As a baby if you gave up because it was hard you would never have learned to talk. If you never took school seriously you would have never learned to read and write.

I can tell you never played God mode in a video game or mastered something tough utterly and completely. If there wasn't challenge in life there would be nothing to do. If you could predict the future perfectly there would be nothing to look forward too. If you could jump back easily between being God consciousness and human consciousness you strip all meaning away.

Go play a hacked a game where at anytime you can just change the rules of the game at whim whenever it gets too hard. What you will find over time...is you will get bored of it and turn it off. If God made suicide painless or too easy, you would quit more often. God wanted a life. You can't have a life if you do those things.

Besides the truth is, you are just venting you claim its hard to kill yourself? Its actually quite easy. You are nowhere near the edge because you wouldn't be on the forums writing long paragraphs. You would be constructing strategies to end it all. Stop lying to yourself, you just want things to get a little easier for a short while that's all. 

You don't have a strong foundation map of reality and that is why you suffer. You only suffer your perception. Stop saying God like its not you. ITS YOU. Like I still can't understand how awakening to the fact that you are God makes you a bigger victim than before? If its you, how are you blaming anyone else? It doesn't even make sense!!!! It's like you commit murder yesterday and say I can't believe the yesterday version of me killed that person. He's so bad he should be better!!!

This abdication of responsibility is so delusional at this point you might need to get checked out or something. Its not healthy. You gonna claim you didn't write this paragraph too? God is so bad it wrote this whole thread!! God is so bad it made me walk and brush my teeth.

But here is the funny thing!!! If you got what you wanted in life you wouldn't say it was God, you would say it was the human you!!!

So when things are bad, God fault, when things are good for me, HUMAN ME!!!

You don't even realize how big of a trap you have created. You have created the infinite ditch called victimization that you are constantly digging. You dig low enough you may off yourself. If you are afraid to off yourself then you are lying you want to live and are playing the victim.

I said in the OP that Im responsible for everything since Im god but god is such a bastard to itself that it creates this duality between ego and god as if they are separate entities. On the one hand you have the one experiencing reality and the one generating reality. They are the same entity but the direct experience doesn't match that fact. It's as if I'm fighting a battle with my subconscious and ofc it's illusory and unwinnable.

I have considered strategies of killing myself and one day I might just do it. I do these posts in hopes that someone will say something that will turn my thinking around, nothing else.

 

59 minutes ago, Holykael said:

 

 

[axiom]

@Holykael

I think you’re generally correct. Being human and living in duality is a sort of hell.

It may even be the hell referred to in holy books.

It is nonetheless a temporary state. The ultimate destination of all humanity is enlightenment - a merging back into God - regardless of where any given human is on the path.

[Breakingthewall]

1 hour ago, Holykael said:

have considered strategies of killing myself and one day I might just do it. I do these posts in hopes that someone will say something that will turn my thinking around, nothing else.

 

friend, believe me, what you need is to really awake. all that shit you talk about is ego strategies to keep the prey. You have started a path and you have left it halfway. finish it and total fulfillment awaits you

[mohdanas]

4 hours ago, Holykael said:

• Alone with billions of monkey puppets
• None of the monkey puppets are conscious except you
• Jobs are necessary, unfulfilling and take up most of your life
• God controls your thoughts, appetite, sex drive and everything while you maintain the idea of a separate self as the ego 
• Complete lack of free will but ego awareness of this fact
• Once you awaken, you find yourself alone in this hellscape destined to work for decades until your miserable life ends and you can finally be free
• No easy way to kill yourself where I'm from
• Psychedelics are illegal and hard to access
• Society doesn't provide euthanasia so you can die in peace if you don't want to play anymore. You're forced to live in the awfulness
• Tasty food makes you fat and unhealthy 
• Pleasurable things like Cigarettes give you way too many health problems 
• Disease and hospitals and all that trash is inevitable as you age
• Awakening doesn't provide liberation, makes you hyper aware of the prison you're in with no way out
• God handicaps itself severely for no reason whatsoever, just cuz 
• The robots, aka people are enacting suffering on a massive scale right in front of you
• People don't stick around, relationships are fragile and flimsy 
• Rent is too damn high, everything is way too costly and everything requires constant maintenance and it still degrades
• The robots are completely indifferent to you, they are programmed to have their meaningless interactions and for you to be a neverending spectator of those interactions
• Life is way too long, a couple of decades is enough to make you feel like you've experienced all you wanted in this world
• Only you suffer in absolute solipsism but nobody acknowledges that fact. They all pretend to suffer and demand solutions for their make believe suffering
• You are the only conscious being in existence, the CEO of reality but everyone treats you like a nobody 
• Psychedelics can put you in an ever stronger hell just as easily as they can take you to a heaven that doesn't last and leaves you hanging in the mediocrity of daily life 
• You know you are responsible for everything but you can't do shit about it because your true self hides itself from you in a brick wall of awareness that you can't penetrate in your sober state
• You want your ego to die and disappear but it just doesn't
• You yearn for non existence but it doesn't exist. You can't just sleep forever 
• There are no solutions to suffering. You suffer and suffer and it has no end. You realize that this is eternity and that you'll be suffering for eternity with a few breaks in between
• You're mad and insane and you're stuck with yourself for eternity
• God is infinitely cruel to itself for eternity
• The few good moments you have makes the general suck of everything feel much worse by contrast 
• God is a drama queen and is constantly generating drama between people, there's no peace

You need two things.

#1 - Enjoy Life = Find enjoyment in doing something, chase purpose and mastery of something, It is fun. 

#2  Service = Learn to love people in all of their humanity, be of service, make memories and play. 

It is what it is man, this game of life is hardcore. Don't wait seconds complaining and enjoy the play.  Like make some art of your negativity, or something, transform these emotions into something worthwhile. 

[bambi]

2 hours ago, Razard86 said:

^ You're creating your suffering. I will have to say this multiple times until my head is blue. Victim mentality is delusion. As a baby if you gave up because it was hard you would never have learned to talk. If you never took school seriously you would have never learned to read and write.

I can tell you never played God mode in a video game or mastered something tough utterly and completely. If there wasn't challenge in life there would be nothing to do. If you could predict the future perfectly there would be nothing to look forward too. If you could jump back easily between being God consciousness and human consciousness you strip all meaning away.

Go play a hacked a game where at anytime you can just change the rules of the game at whim whenever it gets too hard. What you will find over time...is you will get bored of it and turn it off. If God made suicide painless or too easy, you would quit more often. God wanted a life. You can't have a life if you do those things.

Besides the truth is, you are just venting you claim its hard to kill yourself? Its actually quite easy. You are nowhere near the edge because you wouldn't be on the forums writing long paragraphs. You would be constructing strategies to end it all. Stop lying to yourself, you just want things to get a little easier for a short while that's all. 

You don't have a strong foundation map of reality and that is why you suffer. You only suffer your perception. Stop saying God like its not you. ITS YOU. Like I still can't understand how awakening to the fact that you are God makes you a bigger victim than before? If its you, how are you blaming anyone else? It doesn't even make sense!!!! It's like you commit murder yesterday and say I can't believe the yesterday version of me killed that person. He's so bad he should be better!!!

This abdication of responsibility is so delusional at this point you might need to get checked out or something. Its not healthy. You gonna claim you didn't write this paragraph too? God is so bad it wrote this whole thread!! God is so bad it made me walk and brush my teeth.

But here is the funny thing!!! If you got what you wanted in life you wouldn't say it was God, you would say it was the human you!!!

So when things are bad, God fault, when things are good for me, HUMAN ME!!!

You don't even realize how big of a trap you have created. You have created the infinite ditch called victimization that you are constantly digging. You dig low enough you may off yourself. If you are afraid to off yourself then you are lying you want to live and are playing the victim.

 

You do realise your gonna get old sick, ill health and die, life is suffering, or maybe your not old enough to have realised this yet.

 

All your loved ones will die, you will get seriously ill and sick. Not in a 'oh its just a my perception of it, not looking at the bright side', if you get cancer and do chemo, it will fucking suck, not just your perception of it

 

Now you can defintely make the most of things, mostly by accepting the suffering that is life, denying this truth gets your no where

 

to the OP suicide doesn't work as you'll just rnadomly be reborn as an ant or something

[justfortoday]

To the original poster:

Please seek help if you are having these thoughts.

You are missing the entire point of life, and the beauty and mystery of it. 

I know it sounds cheesy, but you need to open your mind to life and the wonderful potential for whatever It is you want to do.

Stop thinking that others are puppets or robots. I am conscious as are you. It’s consciousness utilizing relativity.

God is the master container for everything. You are part of it. You have free will to explore this world, as it is the gift we were given, for better or for worse.

See the beauty in life and the LOVE everywhere you look.

Edited August 20, 2022 by justfortoday

[AtheisticNonduality]

@Holykael There is, of course, truth to the things you're saying, but also truth to the responses about you self-victimizing, creating your prison and chaining yourself with suffering because your mind is running wild. There may be some genuine insight to be found in the realm of suffering, of hell, that you've accessed. The first Noble Truth of Buddhism says, "All life is suffering." There is the fact you've attained knowledge of what it means to suffer, knowledge of the traits of suffering's existence, and perhaps you even look down on those that haven't suffered. And yet this hell is actively created by itself, by you!

5 hours ago, Holykael said:

• Alone with billions of monkey puppets
• None of the monkey puppets are conscious except you

The solipsism issue is poorly understood. Even Leo himself was confident his experience was the only that existed, and then he released a video rambling on about Infinite Gods. I would argue God can create multiple real viewpoints the same way It makes different directions of space or directions of time as the moments pass. Up is not accessible to down, one thing on the left is different and can't access the things on the right, one thing a few seconds ago is different from right now, right now cannot remember a few seconds ago, etc. Multiple things, obviously in relative terms, can exist, though they emanate from the same unity. The problem of solipsism arises when people view their egos or experiences as eternal and then neglect all else, don't have access to the past and the future and the other people, or misidentify their egos with God, when God is both immanent in and completely transcends the separate self.

As for the rest of the items on your list, yes, they are bad and "awfulness" and examples of the failures and darknesses and pains of the human species; you might even feel empathy for the collective suffering as the entire world or even all sentient beings as you claustrophobically become lost in a labyrinth of various tortures; but I would argue all the things on your list are things that could remain exactly as they are and have you still be emotionally free, have you tolerate or even accept them.

[Holykael]

9 minutes ago, AtheisticNonduality said:

@Holykael There is, of course, truth to the things you're saying, but also truth to the responses about you self-victimizing, creating your prison and chaining yourself with suffering because your mind is running wild. There may be some genuine insight to be found in the realm of suffering, of hell, that you've accessed. The first Noble Truth of Buddhism says, "All life is suffering." There is the fact you've attained knowledge of what it means to suffer, knowledge of the traits of suffering's existence, and perhaps you even look down on those that haven't suffered. And yet this hell is actively created by itself, by you!

The solipsism issue is poorly understood. Even Leo himself was confident his experience was the only that existed, and then he released a video rambling on about Infinite Gods. I would argue God can create multiple real viewpoints the same way It makes different directions of space or directions of time as the moments pass. Up is not accessible to down, one thing on the left is different and can't access the things on the right, one thing a few seconds ago is different from right now, right now cannot remember a few seconds ago, etc. Multiple things, obviously in relative terms, can exist, though they emanate from the same unity. The problem of solipsism arises when people view their egos or experiences as eternal and then neglect all else, don't have access to the past and the future and the other people, or misidentify their egos with God, when God is both immanent in and completely transcends the separate self.

As for the rest of the items on your list, yes, they are bad and "awfulness" and examples of the failures and darknesses and pains of the human species; you might even feel empathy for the collective suffering as the entire world or even all sentient beings as you claustrophobically become lost in a labyrinth of various tortures; but I would argue all the things on your list are things that could remain exactly as they are and have you still be emotionally free, have you tolerate or even accept them.

Leo never said his experience was the only one. He said the viewer's experience was the only one and that he himself is imagined by the viewer that he himself has no point of view. I have the solipsism episode in audio form recorded for posterity. Leo was of course referring to me because I'm the one with the POV.

The infinity of gods doesn't contradict this because he was talking about other possible sovereign experiences that are completely isolated from each other. Other singularitiies that might exist in their own solipsistic bubbles and that when he got in touch wirh another god it was just imagined by him anyway.

Edited August 20, 2022 by Holykael