Am I Being Too Controlling?

[electroBeam]

My current goals at the moment is to get a hell of a lot better at dating women, and also to be a superstar when it comes to my career. But naturally I am not the sort of dude who would be good at these things. I have Aspergers syndrome, have had social anxiety, and am extremely awkward. I cannot just 'accept' myself, as a lot of you would point out. I am so disgraced with my current mental form(being awkward and shy), and my self esteem is so low, that I just cannot do it.

Because of my social anxiety, i miss a lot of opportunities to grow myself. For example:

- I will see a really cute girl in the shopping centre, and I just can't get the confidence up to talk to her

- There is a girl I like on tinder, and i will respond to her, but in a creepy way, because of my awkwardness

- I will get rejected for a job, and I know i should contact them to ask my why, but my shyness will prevent me (with self sabotaging thoughts: you are just being a pain to this person)

- I will not ask a particular angel investor for money for my startup, because I don't want to upset them.

- I'm hesitant in not including certain members in my team for a group project, due to their lack of skill, even if I know that the person isn't the right fit for the team, purely because I don't want to upset them.

 

Whenever something like this happens, I am almost always down for the rest of the day, because I feel like I have let myself down, and that these issues are not issues I should be happening, considering I've been trying to get rid of my shyness for at least 5 years now. Am I being too harsh on myself, or is my guilt completely warranted, considering the mistakes that I am making? If not, what should I do instead? How do I deal with this guilt and shame?

[sweater]

I guess a good place to start is with trying to be a little more light on yourself. Try being more positive. Easier say than done i know, 

[Peace and Love]

Don't let your disability define who you are.   I am also learning disabled as well.  I had a best friend in college that also had Aspergers and we talked back and forth for a while and there is a good chance that I might have some form of autism or Aspergers too.   By telling yourself you have this disability you are giving yourself this false belief that you are half a of a person and unable to do things because you have a learning disability.

When I was  in California last month I was talking to an old friend about learning disabilities.  People get classified as learning disabled because they "learn differently" and don't fit into the mainstream way of learning in public schools. It doesn't mean you're dumb, stupid, or that there is anything wrong with you...it just means that the education system is faulty, and hasn't figured out that people learn in many different ways.  My best friend that had Aspergers was one of the smartest people I know and was also a self made millionaire. He could figure out and answer complex physics and calculus problems with no problem, but had issues adding 2 + 2.....  In four days I taught my best friend addition, subtraction, multiplication and division.  I used different thought patterns, and perspectives and  he caught on very quickly.  Now he adds better than anyone I know! It's just no one was willing to teach him in a way that made it work.  Yet he was extremely intelligent!

You have some inner work and self love inquiry you need to do.  If you want to get better with girls get involved with pickup.  It will build your confidence and it's not creepy.

I used to have problems just interacting with people in general and had extreme social anxiety in junior high and high school.  I noticed it went away when I got into adult entertainment, and pursued my career in hypnosis.  I learned about body language, and started to learn why people did certain things. You need to find a way to immerse yourself with people, pickup may be answer for you.  Also finding hobbies that you enjoy that you can get involved with will help you too. 

The only thing that's wrong with you is that you think there is something wrong with you!   Your thought patterns and childhood vows are holding you back!  You deserve to have a wonderful life!

[Peace and Love]

https://www.disabled-world.com/artman/publish/article_2086.shtml


Famous People with Aspergers Syndrome

Adam Young, multi-instrumentalist, producer and the founder of the electronic project Owl City.

Adrian Lamo, American computer hacker

Carl Soderholm, speaker in neuropsychiatric disorders

Clay Marzo, American professional surfer

Craig Nicholls, frontman of the Australian garage rock band, The Vines

Daniel Tammet, British autistic savant, believed to have Asperger Syndrome

Daryl Hannah, actress

Dawn Prince-Hughes, PhD, primate anthropologist, ethologist, and author of Songs for the Gorilla Nation

Gary Numan, British singer and songwriter

Heather Kuzmich, fashion model and reality show contestant on America's Next Top Model

James Durbin, finalist on the tenth season of American Idol

Jerry Newport, American author and mathematical savant, basis of the film Mozart and the Whale

John Elder Robison, author of Look Me in the Eye

Judy Singer, Australian disability rights activist

Liane Holliday Willey, author of Pretending to be Normal, Asperger Syndrome in the Family; Asperger syndrome advocate; education professor; and adult diagnosed with Asperger syndrome at age 35

Lizzy Clark, actress and campaigner

Luke Jackson, author

Michael Burry, US investment fund manager

Nicky Reilly, failed suicide bomber from Britain

Paddy Considine, actor

Peter Howson, Scottish painter

Phillipa "Pip" Brown (aka Ladyhawke), indie rock musician

Raymond Thompson, New Zealand scriptwriter and TV producer

Richard Borcherds, mathematician specializing in group theory and Lie algebras

Satoshi Tajiri, creator and designer of Pokemon

Tim Ellis, Australian magician and author

Tim Page, Pulitzer Prize-winning critic and author

Travis Meeks, lead singer, guitarist and song writer for acoustic rock band Days of the New.

Vernon L. Smith, Nobel Laureate in Economics



Hmmmmm.....I'm seeing a lot of SUCCESSFUL people here.   Oh wait.....there's more!  People that most likely had Aspergers Syndrome!

Abraham Lincoln,1809-1865, US Politician

Alan Turing, 1912-1954, English mathematician, computer scientist and cryptographer

Albert Einstein, 1879-1955, German/American theoretical physicist

Alexander Graham Bell, 1847-1922, Scottish/Canadian/American inventor of the telephone

Anton Bruckner , 1824-1896, Austrian composer

Bela Bartok, 1881-1945, Hungarian composer

Benjamin Franklin,1706-1790, US polictician/writer

Bertrand Russell, 1872-1970, British logician

Bobby Fischer, 1943-2008, World Chess Champion

Carl Jung, 1875-1961, Swiss psychoanalyst

Charles Rennie Mackintosh, 1868-1928, Scottish architect and designer

Emily Dickinson, 1830-1886, US poet

Erik Satie, 1866-1925 - Composer

Franz Kafka, 1883-1924, Czech writer

Friedrich Nietzsche, 1844-1900, German philosopher

George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950, Irish playwright, writer of Pygmalion, critic and Socialist

George Washington, 1732-1799, US Politician

Gustav Mahler, 1860-1911, Czech/Austrian composer

Marilyn Monroe, 1926-1962, US actress

H P Lovecraft, 1890-1937, US writer

Henry Cavendish, 1731-1810, English/French scientist, discovered the composition of air and water

Henry Ford, 1863-1947, US industrialist

Henry Thoreau, 1817-1862, US writer

Isaac Newton, 1642-1727, English mathematician and physicist

Jane Austen, 1775-1817, English novelist, author of Pride and Prejudice

Kaspar Hauser, c1812-1833, German foundling, portrayed in a film by Werner Herzog

Ludwig II, 1845-1886, King of Bavaria

Ludwig Wittgenstein, 1889-1951, Viennese/English logician and philosopher

Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827, German/Viennese composer

Mark Twain, 1835-1910, US humorist

Michelangelo, 1475 1564 - Italian Renissance artist

Nikola Tesla, 1856-1943, Serbian/American scientist, engineer, inventor of electric motors

Oliver Heaviside, 1850-1925, English physicist

Richard Strauss, 1864-1949, German composer

Seth Engstrom, 1987-Present, Magician and World Champion

Thomas Edison, 1847-1931, US inventor

Thomas Jefferson, 1743-1826, US politician

Vincent Van Gogh, 1853-1890, Dutch painter

Virginia Woolf, 1882-1941, English Writer

Wasily Kandinsky, 1866-1944, Russian/French painter