My Dad Is Bipolar, And In Danger.

[Pamela Zamora]

I know this is going to look too long to read, but I'm going to put you in context:

So, my dad is already 66 years old. He has been dealing with a bipolar disorder from when he was 21. 

He gets this maniac intervals when he just does crazy stuff, and now he is in one of them.

Basically, he was in a rehab center where they took care of his marihuana addiction (since it triggers his crises), and he had been there for already like a year, and my half-brothers didn't want him to get out from there, there is a heritage situation there, and they basically are looking for money, he got close to me, and he was acting like an intelligent man, but very different than what I am used to, because he has never been generous, he has always been cheap even to himself, and then he was trying to figure my life out money-wise for the first time, 2 days ago he came here for money I was saving for him, and I gave it to him, and I gave it so he could pay a debt he was into, and get the right pension (it was cutting it in half). Now he is gone, he went away, and I am really scared of what might happened, he might hurt himself, or hurt others, he has done this before PLENTY of times, but I am scared now because he feels so betrayed, though he is really manipulative, and in the end he just ends up with no money, and comes back here so we can take care of him. He already told me he is not going to pay his debt, and I know he has a limited resource that in his situation is not going to last.

 

Right now, I can't do much, but I have 2 questions for you guys, if you could help me out here.

1. If there are people here who KNOW about bipolar disorder, do you have any advise to persuide him to come back and do the right thing?
2. I know I'm having compulsive thoughts, and I don't want this to rob my life, because right now as Leo would say, this doesn't even exist. But I can't help but worry about him, and about my half brothers who are blaming it all on me. Yes I meditate, and yes I've seen (I think) all of actualized videos, So right now, this is a turning point for me, I am living what a "hell-mind" would look like when I'm thinking about this. I know I can actually take advantage of this and change, (because my life is sort of not going smoothly well as it used to) do you have any advise to just get out from this stronger?

[Ayla]

I strongly recommend you to go on youtube and find either the Sedona Method or Byron Katie's "Work" 

The only real thing you can do, is to see the essence of your father. Who he really is....not his problems. Regard him as perfectly sane and safe. Keep that vision as your TRUTH. 

 

[Kelley White]

On 2/12/2016 at 3:58 AM, Pamela Zamora said:

If there are people here who KNOW about bipolar disorder, do you have any advise to persuide him to come back and do the right thing?

Hi @Pamela Zamora, nice to meet you. 

Thank you very much for sharing your story. 

On 2/12/2016 at 3:58 AM, Pamela Zamora said:

I am really scared of what might happened, he might hurt himself, or hurt others

I hear you saying you fear that he might be a danger to himself or others.   If you are saying you are seriously concerned he could commit suicide I would call the appropriate authorities.   Depending on where you live they can get him an assessment to determine if in fact he is a danger to himself or to others.   (My law enforcement and emergency service training is coming out here. ) 

@Ayla is correct, you can't make him come back and do" the right thing".

What is the "right thing" for him? 

On 2/12/2016 at 3:58 AM, Pamela Zamora said:

I know I'm having compulsive thoughts, and I don't want this to rob my life, because right now as Leo would say, this doesn't even exist. But I can't help but worry about him, and about my half brothers who are blaming it all on me. Yes I meditate, and yes I've seen (I think) all of actualized videos, So right now, this is a turning point for me, I am living what a "hell-mind" would look like when I'm thinking about this. I know I can actually take advantage of this and change, (because my life is sort of not going smoothly well as it used to) do you have any advise to just get out from this stronger?

I understand this feeling.  I have a son in prison.  Prison is not a nice place.    I worry about my kid.  Is that a reasonable thing to have a concern over?  It must be or I wouldn't feel concerned.  I have to accept I have no control over his safety at all.  Some days I do better with that than others.

Your dad is in a manic phase and his conduct will be high risk/impulsive/potentially self destructive or violent?   It sounds like a valid concern based upon your past direct experience?

If he does not have conduct bad enough to merit you getting him professional intervention?  Now you focus on you and protecting you from his actions. 

Its also alright to admit a family member is toxic for you at the moment and allow them to walk their own path and set firm boundaries so your paths don't intersect.   Real or not real?  It certainly feels real when your life is in chaos due to allowing some of his actions into you life; and you can choose to dismiss the guilty thoughts and focus on your own wellness and growth.   (Also easier said than done at times. ) 

Its challenging at first when we are used to taking responsibility for someone else, to focus just on ourselves and allow then to take responsibility for themselves.   Just asking the questions you are now? You are on the path to making that shift for yourself.

I wish you the best and I hope your father can get some help.  In  the interim I suggest radical acceptance of what is.   If that means grieving the loss of what you  hoped for your dad?  That's okay too.

[Pamela Zamora]

@Ayla Thank you so much! I didn't see this before, but I'm gonna check it out!

[Pamela Zamora]

@Kelley White Thank you so much!

What a great response, the fact that you understand me and can connect with me in some level helps me a lot, and well, I think "concern" is just not worth it when nothing is really in our hands, but emotions are really hard to control, specially when there are SO MANY. There is love for your kid, and fear for his future, and maybe disappointment, all at once. And even though sometimes it seems impossible, I guess we have to work harder on ourselves.

He was in a rehab center, but they gave him permission to go out because he was behaving good, and then he escaped. I understand that I can do that, but right now I have no information about his location he could be anywhere within my country (Colombia) and here authorities really don't work as well as in the U.S. But still, I know I'm giving out excuses, I will do my best within my reach.

Right now, that's exactly what I need to do, I must just take care of myself as for now, and be the best person I can be for me and for others, but focus on making the right moves to move on and thrive if that's necessary. People sometimes give us so much, and at the same time makes us so unhappy. (Or actually sometimes we just lie to ourselves telling ourselves that's reality, maybe we just need to breath and stop lying)

[Kelley White]

Hi @Pamela Zamora.  You are welcome so much.  Thank you; writing it about it helps me, so you helped me as well.

17 hours ago, Pamela Zamora said:

emotions are really hard to control

"Emotions" are a powerful form of energy...why they "move" us.   Yes, they are challenging to control.  I have huge challenges in that area.  I think its why I'm an artist/poet?  I channel my emotion into art, its less self defeating than some of my other options in the past.

What you helped me see yesterday as I was writing to you?  My son is alive.  I can Skype with him.  I can see him smile.  I can laugh with him and cry with   him.  I can still experience him.  I can still love him and feel his love for me. I have seen him grow into the man I knew he could be if he had been given help; if we had been given help or there were tools like this available  then.   Where he is, he is a leader, he is respected, he bridges the gap between inmates, and inmates and guards.   So he has self actualized through his own journey and taken the time of incarceration for study.   That is the shift my focus needs.  That is some work, yes.  Thank you for helping me with this. 

17 hours ago, Pamela Zamora said:

He was in a rehab center, but they gave him permission to go out because he was behaving good, and then he escaped. I understand that I can do that, but right now I have no information about his location he could be anywhere within my country (Colombia) and here authorities really don't work as well as in the U.S. But still, I know I'm giving out excuses, I will do my best within my reach.

My son was missing for two months before being found.  Having a family member at risk and then having that family member  missing does add an additional layer of stress.   Its a very helpless feeling.  You love your brother, you want him safe.  You don't condone his conduct, but you want him safe.  I would say that's being a loving sister.

 

17 hours ago, Pamela Zamora said:

I must just take care of myself as for now, and be the best person I can be for me and for others, but focus on making the right moves to move on and thrive if that's necessary. People sometimes give us so much, and at the same time makes us so unhappy. (Or actually sometimes we just lie to ourselves telling ourselves that's reality, maybe we just need to breath and stop lying)

Yes, take care of you right now.  Sometimes I find I have to shrink my world for awhile and contract my focus.  Yes, sometimes we do lie to ourselves. 

Reality?  That's a whole other topic. 

I would recommend Leo's videos about Knowledge and Enlightenment. 

If you are asking for this wee poets theory?  Reality is a state of mind. 

John Nash, brilliant man, saw the patterns underlying language.  He was the thinker who demonstrated to us, mental illness or no, you can choose through focus, what your real is; one of the reasons I agree he had A Beautiful Mind.   

I would theorize we create our reality based upon our thoughts.  I observed the pattern to be true despite any paradigm shift/mental construct/faith I might choose to apply wholeheartedly.  

Please, keep me posted on your brother and what happens, and we are here for you.

[Epiphany_Inspired]

After you deal with your immediate crisis, I have some insight: I have more than a few bipolar friends, they are usually highly creative and talented, I have always been drawn to bipolar people... but not so much when they are manic etc.... anyway, a couple of these friends are now stable, long term stable! I found out about the "true hope" supplement (with the cheesy name), @ a 'local health fair. How it was invented; man looses wife to bipolar, then finds out kids have it too. His friend, a pig farmer, had some pigs that were depressed, grumpy, hyper, etc, and had helped the pigs by mixing his own minerals etc formula. They tried a similar human version on the bipolar children and it worked on their symptoms too! It's working on 2 of my friends, with no more dangerous meds, hospital admissions, etc.... get him out of the current battle, then maybe give true hope a call.... my friends also have to stick to rather strict highly nutritious diets too... and definitely no drugs or alcohol....