Disconnecting from society

[G_A_L_E_X_Y]

Because of my daily work, I have to interact with and be really present with many many people each day who are often in pain and call me by a special title and it can be the best and the worst just like everything in our experience. For years I put up a false front of being extremely extroverted and needing outside input as a part of who I thought I was/am. After years of work and many layers of realization, my daily responsibilities in this sphere have not changed, but the weight these interactions and expectations carry is absolutely nothing compared to before. The only weight they have is what I give them because I want  to make sure my children thrive and that I don’t unnecessarily add suffering to their experience nor my role as their provider. Nowadays I don’t see myself as extroverted at all - I don’t NEED others to help my ego feel alive. That being said, I have no choice but to accept the beauty of interaction with all of these crazy fragmented figments of god every day. As a provider I get relief the more I actualize the truth of oneness and no-self. I can walk in and look at “problems” so clearly when it literally has nothing to do with the story the little me. 
So yeah I say all this to hopefully shed light on the fact that these same realizations that make some people feel the need to isolate are the ones that free me to be a transparent, care provider. One time I dreamed I was a intangible ghost caring for my patients, and it was beautiful. I pass through life and life passes through me and yet I can be a channel for relief. 

[Devin]

9 hours ago, puporing said:

Funny you're trying to tell me to socialize more .

I prefer deep connection and/or complete silence and nothing in between (the in between would be loose/with "strangers" which can still be enjoyable in small amounts).

Do you think deep connection is what you're missing?

I use to desire deep connection from others and never found any though, now I view socializing differently and no longer socialize for something I need from others, I think I can provide the deep connection to myself now and I socialize to give sort of that deep connection/love which is the only fulfilling thing to me.

 

Edited August 18, 2022 by Devin

[Devin]

@BlessedLion

That's what I do sometimes and it melts away my anxiety as well, the ego doesn't have as much grip when no one else is around.

I needed the surrender reminder, thank you

[Devin]

13 hours ago, Razard86 said:

I love your ego!! LOL sounds like a fun ego.

keeps things exciting?

 

[Devin]

@Swarnim That seems like a good idea either way, what sorts of things do you think someone with that problem would do?

 

[Devin]

6 hours ago, G_A_L_E_X_Y said:

Because of my daily work, I have to interact with and be really present with many many people each day who are often in pain and call me by a special title and it can be the best and the worst just like everything in our experience. For years I put up a false front of being extremely extroverted and needing outside input as a part of who I thought I was/am. After years of work and many layers of realization, my daily responsibilities in this sphere have not changed, but the weight these interactions and expectations carry is absolutely nothing compared to before. The only weight they have is what I give them because I want  to make sure my children thrive and that I don’t unnecessarily add suffering to their experience nor my role as their provider. Nowadays I don’t see myself as extroverted at all - I don’t NEED others to help my ego feel alive. That being said, I have no choice but to accept the beauty of interaction with all of these crazy fragmented figments of god every day. As a provider I get relief the more I actualize the truth of oneness and no-self. I can walk in and look at “problems” so clearly when it literally has nothing to do with the story the little me. 
So yeah I say all this to hopefully shed light on the fact that these same realizations that make some people feel the need to isolate are the ones that free me to be a transparent, care provider. One time I dreamed I was a intangible ghost caring for my patients, and it was beautiful. I pass through life and life passes through me and yet I can be a channel for relief. 

thank you, that does shed light, I don't actually feel the need to isolate I feel less and less of a need for society and others which makes me fear I could walk away, though I feel no need to or desire, I desire to be here, it just seems like I might find something else more appealing and follow that. I know this doesn't make sense but it is what it is.

 

[G_A_L_E_X_Y]

2 hours ago, Devin said:

thank you, that does shed light, I don't actually feel the need to isolate I feel less and less of a need for society and others which makes me fear I could walk away, though I feel no need to or desire, I desire to be here, it just seems like I might find something else more appealing and follow that. I know this doesn't make sense but it is what it is.

 

Desire is funny like that. The belief arises (within the ego) that somehow things could unfold in a better way than our conception of the past have, a better way than where the ego believes they are headed. It’s all imaginary and not grounded in the moment. 
It’s ok. God is awakening, not you, and not the ego. We love you. We are you. 

[caspex]

@Devin If you have a spiritual ego you likely feel superior to those who are of less spiritual nature. Which is, let's be honest, basically everyone.

So because of that, it's often times the same as having a superiority complex. So you would often point out the faults of others but won't notice yours even though you like to think that you do. You'd have pride that you would deny possessing. Classic manipulation to eventually make the people you associate with your disciples and you the teacher. Basically being a narcissist to some degree. And of course, thinking you are humble. 

You'd also have a fear that someone who is less spiritual will point out your insecurities. You'd rather find them on your own. 

But ofcourse you'd deny having this fear, call it something else or say that this is how it should be.

[Devin]

@Swarnim alright, I sort of just feel alien sometimes, like everyone else is asleep which sort of makes it feel like it's no big deal to walk away from it, not that I want to, but it feels scary easy. I think a spiritual ego might also make you cling to some concept of spirituality you have and lead you down the wrong path, I think the other guys are saying don't get attached to something "spiritual" either.

[puporing]

People are good at making stories, bullshitting, projecting, creating sides, filling their mind. I completely understand why someone prefer not to be around that when you see right through it or your default is total silence. It's because you don't want to live in constructed reality.

The attempting to share this with people as though you're "teaching" is almost a desperate attempt at genuine connection free from falsehood, cut through the bullshit and just relate through pure love, the "sameness", everything else is secondary.

Edited August 18, 2022 by puporing

[Devin]

@puporing beautiful

[caspex]

23 hours ago, Devin said:

@Swarnim alright, I sort of just feel alien sometimes, like everyone else is asleep which sort of makes it feel like it's no big deal to walk away from it, not that I want to, but it feels scary easy. I think a spiritual ego might also make you cling to some concept of spirituality you have and lead you down the wrong path, I think the other guys are saying don't get attached to something "spiritual" either.

@Devin Well it's all about the effort to make an unbiased decision. But that's impossible to do because of survival. So we draw the line at survival. That the only bias we will have is towards survival and surviving only. That's why many might want to go live alone. 

[Deadpixel]

Withdrawing from society is actually incredibly dualistic is it not? 

[Devin]

8 hours ago, Deadpixel said:

Withdrawing from society is actually incredibly dualistic is it not? 

I don't think so, could you elaborate?

I sometimes find society, most people/social circles very boring and fake, and I know how to enjoy being alone or with a girlfriend, so when I get tired of society I detach, I fill up and then I feel like trying to give love to people, returning to social circles. I don't really understand it, this is just an observation of myself. I guess permanent withdrawal would be dualistic

[puporing]

The problem is that anytime you try to "get into" society, it's like a web of construction that everyone is deeply webbed into. And so any "person" who hasn't realized this that you get involved with will try to drag you back into this web that you have already got out of. If you resist they will demonize you. 

So the only option would be to pretend you're okay being in the web, but in the end you cannot go back deeply again because you know about its constructed and self-deceptive nature.

 

Edited August 22, 2022 by puporing

[Devin]

41 minutes ago, puporing said:

The problem is that anytime you try to "get into" society, it's like a web of construction that everyone is deeply webbed into. And so any "person" who hasn't realized this that you get involved with will try to drag you back into this web that you have already got out of. If you resist they will demonize you. 

So the only option would be to pretend you're okay being in the web, but in the end you cannot go back deeply again because you know about its constructed and self-decepted nature.

Yeah the part where they attack you for not following is still painful to me, it's very confusing to me why they do that. It feels like your whole relationship was a sham, they never loved you, and you wasted all of that time and energy

Edited August 22, 2022 by Devin

[puporing]

"Quick" review :

 

Edited August 22, 2022 by puporing

[puporing]

13 minutes ago, Devin said:

Yeah the part where they attack you for not following is still painful to me, it's very confusing to me why they do that. It feels like your whole relationship was a sham, they never loved you, and you wasted all of that time and energy

Fear of having an existential crisis once you start the process of unraveling.

[Devin]

15 minutes ago, puporing said:

Fear of having an existential crisis once you start the process of unraveling.

Are you saying you think they do that because they start to fear their life has no meaning? Like it's an ego defense mechanism, they get uncomfortable so they try to say something in hopes of reassurance to come that what they're saying is true, sort of like a passive way to ask for reassurance?

[puporing]

19 minutes ago, Devin said:

Are you saying you think they do that because they start to fear their life has no meaning? Like it's an ego defense mechanism, they get uncomfortable so they try to say something in hopes of reassurance to come that what they're saying is true, sort of like a passive way to ask for reassurance?

That's one aspect. But for most people it's not even that deep. It's mostly survival stuff, which includes both material and social survival. Most aren't willing to let go of social survival in favor of pursuing Truth.. Questioning it will question their own identity that they've constructed and are continuing constructing unconsciously.

Edited August 22, 2022 by puporing