Trauma Free Childhood All Input Appreciated

[Martin123]

This is something that's been on my mind for too long.
Can one actually live a trauma free childhood in today's western culture? If not absolutely trauma-free, how to minimalize the damage?

My opinion:
A child can live trauma free childhood to an extent. Parents can provide nurturing relationship that is completely de-traumatized, if they do their work, and release their baggage, they won't be passing onto any emotional left-overs.
However, parents aren't the only influencer, you still have cultural environment that is toxic within of itself.
Parents can reduce the "damage" culture does, but can they stop it completely? I do not think so. - very wise would be teaching the child to process emotions properly through correct breathing and teach it basics of meditation when it reaches a certain age (we talkin about 13yo...?)

What is your take on this dear actualizers?! :-)
PS: If you got books or resources on this, gimme gimme gimme

[Neo]

They sell padded head cushioning for your toddlers now so that they can bang their heads to their dear hearts content without any ill effects!!! Can you see the problem with this?

[Martin123]

@Neo dont misinterpret "trauma-free" for "out of touch with reality".

If emotional distress is experienced, when the child can express the emotion its fine. When you forbid it from experiencing trauma is being stored in the body.

[Neo]

Yes, ok good point, although my answer is coming from the view that you have to go out there and find everything out for yourself, including your child. And you know, everyone on here harps on about "finding things out through direct experience." Somehow you want to bypass this for your child?

[Green Warrior]

The Conscious Parent by Dr. Shefali Tsabary is a good book.  I just started reading it. It discusses how to find spiritual enlightenment through your kids by always being present with them.  Each kid is going to need a different kind of parent so by being present and listening to what their needs are you can change your parenting style for them.  She does talk about traumas that will happen in kids lives and as parents we should sit with them and let them feel it instead of trying to make them feel better. So far a good read.  

 

 

 

[Martin123]

@Neo With your logic we should all go to war to gain the experience.

[Martin123]

@Wormon Blatburm I dislke this mindset because you are limiting the human potential, if you don't you can literally create perfect society 

[Martin123]

@Wormon Blatburm I think you can expand through joy as much as you expand through pain

Let there be this phenomena in the other infinite realities than this one

[Martin123]

3 minutes ago, Wormon Blatburm said:

If you're working toward healing all of the time for example, you're not enjoying life, and you see all of the people around you as enemies that are ruining your mental health

This makes 0 sense to me can you elaborate?

[Neo]

Quote

@Neo With your logic we should all go to war to gain the experience.

You can't deny that war exists in our current world and so it is a valid part of our experience.

[Martin123]

@Neo Acknowledging that war exists and accepting it with love understanding kindness and compassion is one thing.
Getting your legs blown off by a grenade is another one.
Can you accept war without losing your feet? 

20 minutes ago, Wormon Blatburm said:

Well for example when I first discovered this concept that our friends and family could be reinforcing our low self esteem, I started being really judgemental of them, and picky about every little thing they said.

For example my Mom would yell at me once for not taking out the trsh and I'd start thinking that I need to cut her out of my life because she was hurting my self image.

Let me tell you my story, just for comparison.
In summer 2016 I left for a university in a foreign country, before that spending majority of my time home, consciously cutting off my social life and stopped caring about my extended family, and my parents as well to an extent.
Now in the university I really don't have much space for socializing and going out since most of my time is spent healing and integrating. The rest I spend studying and going for lectures, I do spend a small amount of my time just hanging out with some people just so I have a few contacts. 
The amount of growth I have experienced in the past 6-8 months is just crazy. The base-line I was coming from was extremely low self-esteem (pretty sure I was getting close to a borderline-personality disorder).

The situation that I am now is just vastly advanced compared to 8 months ago.
My heart, solar-plexus and Sacral chakra are de-traumatized, now working on the root chakra (yeah, survival, feels like im dying but whatever). The amount of clarity I gained when I cleared my sacral chakra was incredible, and as my root chakra is getting close to being healed, I can only imagine how much the clarity is going to rise up. 

So yes, if you really feel like cutting your mother off then do it =D. Also realize though that she can ruin your self-image only if you allow it. I get along with my parents much better after spending much time just healing myself in isolation. 

From what you're saying I think I can guess the stage you're in, I think I've gone past that stage and if you want some techniques that helped me out quite a bit P.M me, but maybe I am plain wrong right so no pressure dear =D.
But I understand that from where you're probably right now, imagining a perfect society sounds nuts. 

[Emerald]

Here's how I understand it. Imagine that there you are infinite... but do so in a way where you can imagine it visually. You are a huge cheese wheel and this cheese wheel is infinite and it is what you are. Then, you experience human life you come to the conclusion as a baby that you are not the cheese wheel but just a small crumb of cheese within the cheese wheel. You are specifically this very small part of the infinite cheese wheel and nothing else. This is you as a baby. Then, as you go through your baby-hood and childhood you sustain traumas, where you begin to identify with less and less and less of that crumb of cheese, as these parts are difficult to identify with due to emotional pain. So, as an adult, you end up 1/5 the size of the crumb of cheese that you were as an infant. Maybe some people sustain more trauma, and end up 1/10 the size of the crumb of cheese. Maybe some people end up with less trauma and end up being up to 1/2 the size of the crumb of cheese they were when they became a baby. So, you can try (with difficulty) to reintegrate and get that crumb of cheese back to 100% of what it was when you were born, through Shadow Work and other such techniques. And this will greatly increase your quality of life. But never forget that the most dramatic trauma and most dramatic repression happened when you disidentified yourself with the infinite and said "I am a finite being who ends at the barrier of my skin who will perish one day and be forgotten." This is the biggest repression and misunderstanding that creates the most profound and ongoing subtle suffering. 

[Martin123]

@Emerald Wilkins Yes great point. Therefore I am talking about the trauma that is repressed after ego is formed. I wouldn't fuck around a child's process of creating an ego. That could lead to a serious psychosis =D.

[Martin123]

@Emerald Wilkins In a way I am very much emphasizing the trauma that blocks the first 3-4 chakras, that is the biggie for me. And that is where majority of problems stem from. 

[Emerald]

Just now, Martin123 said:

@Emerald Wilkins Yes great point. Therefore I am talking about the trauma that is repressed after ego is formed. I wouldn't fuck around a child's process of creating an ego. That could lead to a serious psychosis =D.

Oh, for sure. Don't try to get a child to the point of enlightenment. That would be disastrous. I thought you were asking for insight into childhood trauma for yourself. If it pertains to raising a child with minimal trauma, then consistency, stability, and building a positive self-image is key. You can do this by giving kids age-appropriate responsibilities to give them a sense of self-efficacy and personal control. Have a strong family bond, where they know that their family situation isn't going to shift around on them. No bad habits in the home: no smoking, drinking, drugs, etc. Get them involved in their community. And above all, prioritize their psychological health and well-being over all other concerns (beyond physical needs, of course). 

[Martin123]

@Emerald Wilkins I can't stop thinking about someone like Eckhart-Tolle having a child and talking to the toddler like "you're enlightened, I ain't gonna reinforce no ego in you" with a wide smile =D. 

[Emerald]

Just now, Wormon Blatburm said:

So you're saying God traumatized himself by the very act of being born and existing in this physical reality?

Well, the human being aspect of God is seemingly traumatized. Of course, there is never actual trauma to God. But it's experienced as human trauma. Perhaps this is what the Bible meant when they referred to humans having "original sin." 

[Martin123]

5 minutes ago, Emerald Wilkins said:

Well, the human being aspect of God is seemingly traumatized. Of course, there is never actual trauma to God. But it's experienced as human trauma. Perhaps this is what the Bible meant when they referred to humans having "original sin." 

Yeah taht's the whole baybay garden of Eden, the creation of ego.
Just to get this straight though, I am pretty sure that if humans go on for long enough, children will start being born without the need for an ego. 

[Emerald]

Just now, Martin123 said:

@Emerald Wilkins I can't stop thinking about someone like Eckhart-Tolle having a child and talking to the toddler like "you're enlightened, I ain't gonna reinforce no ego in you" with a wide smile =D. 

I don't think this would work exactly. I believe there is a very strong environmental conditioning aspect to becoming unenlightened. But I would almost say that a large part of this is simply instinctual and practical. For example, if someone didn't refer to a baby by name under the rationale of not strengthening ego-identification, this would no be very effective and would likely create a sense of "why do I not have a name" in the baby as they grow. I don't think it would be too healthy.

[Martin123]

@Emerald Wilkins Of course it wouldn't work haha, I was being sarcastic :D.