Is marriage a scam?

[King Merk]

I find myself more and more questioning the concept of mariage.

Do I desire mariage simply because of culture conditioning or is there a deeper authentic desire for monogamy?

I’m not so sure.

What are your arguments for and against marriage? 

[Terell Kirby]

The value of marriage is relative, depends on the individuals involved and their life goals.

With that being said, it is a legal agreement .. and divorce comes with huge ramifications. It's not marriage per say that is bad, it's the people involved who marry for the wrong reasons, or choose the wrong partner.

A healthy marriage is extremely beneficial for kids and their upbringing.

[Roy]

I'm anti-marriage. I don't need the government and an overpriced ceremony to validate my commitment to someone.

[Gesundheit2]

I don't know how or why secular societies managed to integrate marriage into their legal system. After all, marriage is a religious, stage Blue concept, and it's a legal contract that allows sex and reproduction to happen, both of which are otherwise banned. But for a secular society, where all of that is allowed from the get-go, I don't get it. What's even the point in marrying someone when you can already have sex and children with them? Like, if you're already okay with everything with this person, letting him/her touch your most private spots, then what will the contract add to your life and relationship?

[Zeroguy]

@Gesundheit2 You sound like a hippie.

[Gesundheit2]

@Zeroguy Aww! Thanks for the compliment 

Will you marry me? 

Edited August 15, 2022 by Gesundheit2

[Zeroguy]

@Gesundheit2 I am not gay.

Here most young people get married when woman gets pregnant.It's like a rule or sthg.

[Loba]

I don't believe in marriage.  I feel like the most loving thing you can do for a person is to allow them the option to leave if they want to and marriage is a barrier to that.  I understand it is used as a ceremony to cement two people's commitment, but I view it as an outdated thing that is still common in this day and age, but it doesn't need to be.  On top of this, these ceremonies are not unique, they have a certain structure that you have to follow that don't give the couple much room to even explore what their commitment means to them.  I don't like the idea of having to stand up in front of an audience of people and recite my vows, kiss them, put on a ring and eat a slice of expensive cake.  Speaking of expensive, weddings cost money.  So do divorces.  And people change over time, you can't be assured that one person isn't going to outgrow the other one.  It's not easy to stay on the same page, and being expected to do that for a lifetime sounds horrible.

I would rather know that someone is with me because they choose to be and not because they are forced to be.  Just as I want an out if it doesn't work, I want them to have that as well.

That said, I like the idea of collaring ceremonies.  Like wearing a thin gold band around the neck and doing something more intimate and private.  It would mean the same thing, but without the legal system getting in the way, and if the relationship fails, just take the key, open the lock and set them free.  The idea of 'belonging' to someone, and having created a unique and personal experience of that means more to me then following the social script.  

But you know, some people are really into that and they make it work so more power to them.  It all just depends on your personal preferences and in some cases the culture you are raised in.

[Tudo]

4 hours ago, Roy said:

I'm anti-marriage. I don't need the government and an overpriced ceremony to validate my commitment to someone.

I think the same.

[King Merk]

5 hours ago, Roy said:

I'm anti-marriage. I don't need the government and an overpriced ceremony to validate my commitment to someone.

 

2 hours ago, Gesundheit2 said:

I don't know how or why secular societies managed to integrate marriage into their legal system.

 

1 hour ago, Loba said:

I don't believe in marriage.  I feel like the most loving thing you can do for a person is to allow them the option to leave if they want to and marriage is a barrier to that.

Thank you for these affirmations. I come from a stage blue environnement and my questioning of marriage is causing some sort of ego backlash/judgment in myself.

I don’t need a piece of paper to validate my love for someone. I also don’t wish to bind my partner to me with a legal contract.

“If you love something then let it go. If it doesn’t come back then it wasn’t meant to be” 

[Fernanda]

This will help:

 

[Devin]

Marriage is a good thing if you're going to participate in society like most other people and have children, it's a legal relationship where you're a partnership rather than two separate people, it keeps a relationship like that simpler in my eyes, it's both of your's house, etc.., there's potential tax benefits, and it shows/vows commitment to the relationship. 

I don't get the idea of leaving the door open for if you decide to leave later, if you do you were never mature enough for a life partner, or else you would figure out how to make it work, and having a life partner means going deeper with someone else than you could otherwise.

Edited August 16, 2022 by Devin

[King Merk]

@Devin I can see the beauty in it if you really want such a thing. A sacred bond of union until death. It’s definitely romantic. 

I’m trying to make a conscious decision on how I authentically feel about marriage rather than simply doing it because it’s the norm of my culture 

[Devin]

@King Merk I think that's great and I'm interested to hear the conversation. I agree you don't need it for love, I think that's obvious, I think marriage is for a practical purpose in society.

[eos_nyxia]

I was anti-marriage for most of my post-puberty life. (As in, not comfortable with the institution of marriage, as opposed to permanent, long-term LTRs, or "marriage-like"// common-law).

It's a bit more open-ended now, but I still feel uncomfortable with the idea of throwing a fancy, expensive party making a spectacle of myself and my partner while having everyone around us agree how very awesome and important we are in this way. Personally, it doesn't feel a justified or worthwhile reason to be in the centre of attention. (Like... it's great that people would agree, but I would have done this if I was going to do it anyway, with or without anyone's approval; so there is that lingering association of seeking and expecting the approval of your family/ friends/ wider community, which I guess is the basis of many shared social rituals.) But then, this is normal rather than exceptional in my immediate family. My parents had a courthouse marriage in my mom's home city (then travelled), and my brother went to Hawaii to elope.

So me not seeing the appeal of a traditional wedding as a spectacle isn't exactly rebelling against anything there.

[Devin]

@eos_nyxia I think the large gathering part is about vowing to each other in front of all those witnesses, people you wouldn't lie to or want to mislead or let down. It shows the level of commitment

[eos_nyxia]

2 hours ago, Devin said:

@eos_nyxia I think the large gathering part is about vowing to each other in front of all those witnesses, people you wouldn't lie to or want to mislead or let down. It shows the level of commitment

I get that I and I do see the value in that part too, like making the personal public by making a declaration of intent in front of people.

And I've definitely seen compelling weddings, but by nature, they tend to not be conventional. at the very least, the people getting married thought carefully about the symbolism of it all in relation to their values.

For example, I would feel really daft getting married in a white dress because of associations with virginity/ "sexual purity" (lol), even though to my understanding, this is not why modern women started wearing white wedding dresses), and also white is just not my colour. Stuff like this never sits well with me even if it's not about weddings.

If you just really really like white... well, whatever. Do you?

[ajai]

The more you will understand about relationships the more you will appreciate monogamy and marriage.

It shouldn't be a custom really, but subject to further exploration to the values it has to offer.

The marriage is not bound to be overpriced if you really do it for its own sake. Who cares about how much you are spending on a ceremony and what brand you wear on what day. It is absurd.

[Devin]

6 hours ago, eos_nyxia said:

I get that I and I do see the value in that part too, like making the personal public by making a declaration of intent in front of people.

And I've definitely seen compelling weddings, but by nature, they tend to not be conventional. at the very least, the people getting married thought carefully about the symbolism of it all in relation to their values.

For example, I would feel really daft getting married in a white dress because of associations with virginity/ "sexual purity" (lol), even though to my understanding, this is not why modern women started wearing white wedding dresses), and also white is just not my colour. Stuff like this never sits well with me even if it's not about weddings.

If you just really really like white... well, whatever. Do you?

Hmmmm, I tend to view the white dress as making the bride stand out, the groom is usually the best dressed as well but traditionally the man proposes to the woman, so in essence she was the one that stood out to him. And the purity thing to me is about pureness of heart in terms of the vows. But you do you?, I think the simpler the wedding and more traditional actually just for simplicity and expectations, the more emphasis there is on the vows

[Nilsi]

For what it's worth, I literally know no one that is happily married. Call me toxic, but I think this shit is just slowly chipping away at your intimacy and romance, and your relationship just turns into a bureaucracy and pragmatic arrangement. 

I never understood why people feel the need to tie themselves down in such a way - are you so afraid your relationship won't last, that you need a legal contract in place?

Edited August 19, 2022 by Nilsi