Is marriage a scam?

[Devin]

50 minutes ago, Nilsi said:

For what it's worth, I literally know no one that is happily married.

 

are you so afraid your relationship won't last, that you need a legal contract in place?

I think it's a commitment as in we're commiting to figure out how to live the rest of our lives together, preferably happily. If you're both somewhat conscious you should be able to have a happy marriage.

I know of happy marriages

[Emotionalmosquito]

watch this video and you tell me

[King Merk]

@Emotionalmosquito I can see that man has a lot of pain associated with the falling appart of his marriage.

That said, be careful not to demonize women.

He chose to get married and to gamble away all of those assets… nothing moral in playing the victim. 

Thats why I’m question marriage & my intimate relationships up front so I don’t end up in a situation that like. 

[LSD-Rumi]

On 8/15/2022 at 6:11 PM, Roy said:

I'm anti-marriage. I don't need the government and an overpriced ceremony to validate my commitment to someone.

But still when two people are together for a long time, it is better to have some sort of a legal document to protect the financial rights of both partners. Imagine being a housewife for ten years to be thrown out to the streets if there is no marriage. Or a milder example, imagine being with a partner and supporting him emotionally and maybe financially and then you get nothing if you don't have this document. 

Marriage is important, if you are serious about a certain relationship. 

[Emotionalmosquito]

2 hours ago, King Merk said:

I can see that man has a lot of pain associated with the falling appart of his marriage.

Indeed he does. Though that is putting it very lightly. She took everything and he still owes more. That’s the textbook definition of slavery. Dude got so messed up it would be easier for him to recover from a severe heroin addiction without medical treatment than to make a come back from this.

2 hours ago, King Merk said:

That said, be careful not to demonize women.

You don’t have to demonize women to see how unfair marriage is for men regarding risk. You never hear about cases of women getting screwed over anywhere near this horrifically but it happens to guys all the time. 

2 hours ago, King Merk said:

He chose to get married and to gamble away all of those assets… nothing moral in playing the victim. 

That is like saying to a girl who got raped by her guy friend, (also happens a lot)  “you’re the one who decided to have him as a friend so you knew the risk.” Sure, the protagonist of both scenarios are technically the reason they wound up in their predicament. That doesn’t at all excuse anything. Neither would have made the choice had they had the slightest hint beforehand.

Marriage doesn’t have to be such a roll of the dice (more like a game of russian roulette with half the cylinder full) but it is. A good solution would be for men to start refusing engagement on a mass scale until laws are changed to be more fair. Which seems to be beginning to happen already.

[sustainably]

You can learn about the concept of marriage from Hare Krishna community

I'll just tell you what I learnt from them

Marriage provides a good platform for cultivation of real love and service attitudes. Love and service are interchangeably the same!

Within a spiritual marriage, lust can be transformed into love/service. One can develop highly conscious values such as gratitude, respect and responsibility.

But outside of marriage, lust can lead to two pathways:

1) when satisfied it becomes greed, then pride, and finally delusion that I am the controller and enjoyer

2) when not satisfied it becomes anger, arrogance and finally enviousness that I am not being loved/accepted

Check out this video, or even get in touch with the Hare Krishna Community for further info/clarification

 

[something_else]

"I love you so much I need the government to force us to stay together forever <3" – Marriage

[Tyler Robinson]

7 minutes ago, something_else said:

"I love you so much I need the government to force us to stay together forever <3" – Marriage

"I love you so much that I will avoid all responsibility because that's easy on my pocket." 

 

[Spiral]

You get to spend money unnecessary. Get the opportunity to have a sexless relationship and lose half of your money. 

[axiom]

5 hours ago, LSD-Rumi said:

Imagine being a housewife for ten years to be thrown out to the streets if there is no marriage.

Unless the woman in this scenario was forced to be a housewife, I'm not sure this stands. I think having a job and some independence (socially as well as financially) are important for self esteem and sanity. If the woman chooses to be a housewife even if the man would prefer that she works, then that's parasitic, and I see no reason he should have to be leached from during the relationship (let alone after it).

5 hours ago, LSD-Rumi said:

Imagine being with a partner and supporting him emotionally and maybe financially and then you get nothing if you don't have this document. 

Emotional support should be on both sides regardless. There is no reason a woman should be entitled to any of her (ex) husband's salary or savings simply because she has been emotionally supportive in a relationship. If she contributed financially, then that's a different matter of course.

Edited August 22, 2022 by axiom

[Devin]

12 hours ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

watch this video and you tell me

That's a very unhealthy way to view that, purely negative purely wrong.

"I paid for all of it". No, income during marriage is both of yours, she doesn't work for you! he didn't lose half of anything half of it was always hers. He whines about paying for his daughter?

Yeah if you listen to people like this guy you're fuked

Why did they divorce? If she cheated or refused sex he would've got everything

This guy has the maturity of a 10 year old, yeah he shouldn't have gotten married until he knew how to be a husband, of course

Edited August 22, 2022 by Devin

[LSD-Rumi]

@axiom when you get married you sign for sharing your wealth with your partner and this is why it is a big deal. It protects both partners from loss long-term. You can have all kinds of strong relationships but at the end of the day, nothing is protecting you financially in this relationship. You say wealth shouldn't be shared, but this kills marriage and I think it is a thing that should not be eliminated 

[LSD-Rumi]

immature people should never get married, they will produce suffering for themsleves and their kids, but sadly immature people are the ones who get married.

[axiom]

1 hour ago, LSD-Rumi said:

@axiom when you get married you sign for sharing your wealth with your partner and this is why it is a big deal. It protects both partners from loss long-term. You can have all kinds of strong relationships but at the end of the day, nothing is protecting you financially in this relationship. You say wealth shouldn't be shared, but this kills marriage and I think it is a thing that should not be eliminated 

Wealth can be shared during a relationship as an act of goodwill. That’s fine of course - it’s the right thing to do provided both partners show equal willingness to contribute.

But there should be no entitlement to wealth after a relationship has ended - other than the wealth that was brought in to the relationship.

Marriage does not protect both partners equally. It protects one partner asymmetrically - the one who brings in less and/or works less.

I think marriage will no longer be a thing in 50 years or so.

[Devin]

9 minutes ago, axiom said:

Wealth can be shared during a relationship as an act of goodwill. That’s fine of course - it’s the right thing to do provided both partners show equal willingness to contribute.

But there should be no entitlement to wealth after a relationship has ended - other than the wealth that was brought in to the relationship.

Marriage does not protect both partners equally. It protects one partner asymmetrically - the one who brings in less and/or works less.

I think marriage will no longer be a thing in 50 years or so.

No, marriage is a life partnership, all income made during the marriage is equal parts his and hers.

I think there will be a marriage revolution, the anti marriage people are proven study after study to be more miserable. You get the evangellyfish bullshit out of it it is purely beautiful, if you spend life with one person rather than 3 you'll go deeper in the one with one

[something_else]

53 minutes ago, Devin said:

the anti marriage people are proven study after study to be more miserable

This is a really sus thing to say. There are lots of problems with this sentence. Happiness is very very hard to measure. Happy people are more likely to get married, doesn't mean getting married makes you happy. 'Study after study' makes it sound like this is a sure thing, when it absolutely is not. Link even five clear cut studies making this point. If it's such a widespread and easily proved notion then that should be easy.

Edited August 22, 2022 by something_else

[Roy]

10 hours ago, LSD-Rumi said:

But still when two people are together for a long time, it is better to have some sort of a legal document to protect the financial rights of both partners. Imagine being a housewife for ten years to be thrown out to the streets if there is no marriage. Or a milder example, imagine being with a partner and supporting him emotionally and maybe financially and then you get nothing if you don't have this document. 

Marriage is important, if you are serious about a certain relationship. 

I'm pretty sure there are rules and protections for non married couples that are similar to marriage anyways. They are called "Common Law".

[Devin]

32 minutes ago, something_else said:

This is a really sus thing to say. There are lots of problems with this sentence. Happiness is very very hard to measure. Happy people are more likely to get married, doesn't mean getting married makes you happy. 'Study after study' makes it sound like this is a sure thing, when it absolutely is not. Link even five clear cut studies making this point. If it's such a widespread and easily proved notion then that should be easy.

True, I was sloppy, most people on here won't likely take it as black and white but some will, thank you.

 

ifstudies.org

Does Marriage Really Make Us Healthier and Happier?

Nov 6, 2019 — The cautious answer to this question is, yes: married people do appear to be happier than people who are not married, including people who are ...

https://www.apa.org › married-happy

Are married people happier than unmarried people?

WASHINGTON - In a large longitudinal study that sheds new light on the association between marital status and happiness, researchers have found that people ...

https://www.psychologytoday.com › ...

Does Marriage Actually Make People Happier? - Psychology Today

Dec 17, 2021 — Married people are generally happier than singles, but psychologists debate whether marriage causes or selects for happiness.

https://www.marketwatch.com › story

Married couples are happier than everyone else, especially in middle age

May 23, 2019 — Married couples are happier than everyone else, whether they're single, divorced, widowed or separated, according to a new study published ...

https://www.aei.org › articles › does...

Does Getting Married Really Make You Happier? - American Enterprise Institute

Feb 7, 2022 — Getting married significantly increases happiness within a 2-year time frame, and while the effects at the 4-year window are somewhat diminished

[Emotionalmosquito]

8 hours ago, Devin said:

he shouldn't have gotten married until he knew how to be a husband

This statement is comparable to saying, “you shouldn’t have gotten into a relationship until you knew how to be a better girlfriend” to a girl who gets beat up by her boyfriend. Failing to be the perfect specimen of a partner doesn’t mean you deserve to be put through hell.

8 hours ago, Devin said:

I paid for all of it". No, income during marriage is both of yours, she doesn't work for you! he didn't lose half of anything half of it was always hers. He whines about paying for his daughter

Maybe. But he certainly did pay for the vast majority of it all. Men are expected to be the primary providers of the family household. Like he said, he didn’t get left with half, he lost everything. Paying for his daughter is not what he is complaining about. He likely loved doing it when he had access to her. It’s a different story when you’re deprived of seeing your kids.

 

8 hours ago, Devin said:

Why did they divorce? If she cheated or refused sex he would've got everything

So you can make your wife pay alimony and take all her stuff if she refuse to fuck you?

[Devin]

1 hour ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

This statement is comparable to saying, “you shouldn’t have gotten into a relationship until you knew how to be a better girlfriend” to a girl who gets beat up by her boyfriend. Failing to be the perfect specimen of a partner doesn’t mean you deserve to be put through hell.

Maybe. But he certainly did pay for the vast majority of it all. Men are expected to be the primary providers of the family household. Like he said, he didn’t get left with half, he lost everything. Paying for his daughter is not what he is complaining about. He likely loved doing it when he had access to her. It’s a different story when you’re deprived of seeing your kids.

 

So you can make your wife pay alimony and take all her stuff if she refuse to fuck you?

You shouldn't get into a relationship until you know how to love

You shouldn't get into marriage until you're ready to commit to a marriage

 

And did she get everything she put into the marriage back? No, most of it is intangible, you gonna go to your exes when she has the flu and nurse her? This is bullshit, someone with that mentality will not have a pretty martiage, ALL income made during the marriage is made by both partners, it's not dating, this is ridiculous you are like one person when married, one legal entity, one

 

Yes, men get alimony half the woman's retirement for them refusing without legit reason, in merica' anyway and any other backwards country

Edited August 22, 2022 by Devin