I think I had an actual awakening, I almost fainted

[RMQualtrough]

The ultimate weirdness of this statement being because the recognition of it is knowing I don't even exist.

It's just too weird. At first I felt in awe, but then for some reason I just snapped like "I don't like this"... And I almost outright fainted, felt like biology class again when the teacher would discuss internal organs and I'd go all pins and needles and collapse...

Reality isn't made of a "you" seeing red, or of seeing red, or of seeing, it's JUST red. Nor out of a "you" hearing music, or the hearing of music, or even just hearing, it's JUST music. I don't really even wanna type this, it's making me come over faint again... Srs... I don't even think I wanna discuss it too deep because it's coming back over me. Hopefully you understand what I'm saying.

I'm not "seeking" this shit anymore. It should be locked in a chest and chucked into the ocean, wtf would anyone want to come into contact with that for? I mean, minds change but rn I feel shaken badly...

I think it's a psychedelic flashback probably. This happens to me often but I abused DMT, outright like, several times a week for a year type thing.

The thing with psychedelic trips is that because we aren't tripping out 24/7, when we have a serious breakthrough and come back, we don't really remember or relate to the experience. When it starts seeping into normal living, tbh I don't know if it's a good thing. Maybe in 500 BC China or w.e., I don't know...

[Godishere]

How much do you meditate? Do you workout frequently? It just sounds like a bunch of negative thoughts from this perspective. I've definitely had that before after tripping though, a dissociative loss of self. It caused panic attacks. 

I think mindfulness meditation and just being in nature could help. Maybe even putting down spirituality for awhile.

 

[amanen]

You have to keep in mind that you are reality, so you are just that raw red and that raw music. What is so bad about that? You are just being the experience itself.

[RMQualtrough]

27 minutes ago, amanen said:

You have to keep in mind that you are reality, so you are just that raw red and that raw music. What is so bad about that? You are just being the experience itself.

Dude it's not experiencing, there is literally just red, just music. Not experienced by anyone, or anything, or even itself. It's not consciousness. It's just that, there...... Look uh, sketch a stick figure looking at a plant. Now just cross out the stick figure. Just the plant. That's it.

All of this trickery is caused by the sense of location. That is precisely and exactly how "duality" is created. Like if you take K and think you're on the ceiling but you're on the ground. The trick is exactly the same, what "is" is just sensed as being "over there" and BY IMPLICATION we then feel a sense of centre that is back and away from what is... Like, see how you can't imagine any image as being anything other than in front of you? That's the magic trick. That is literally how it's done... The fake sense of centre gives us a sense of a beingness away from and apart from the object. It's not there. It literally does not exist. There's just that. It's not consciousness, it's not you, it's just fucking red, or music. It's not experience or experiencing. It's just reality... Just what is...

Like WTF man? This is seriously fucked and weird. Honestly it's FUCKED, why the FUCK are people seeking that instead of dumping it into the ocean? I distracted myself with DIY earlier but I almost fainted like when my bio teacher would discuss the heart (collapsed twice in class from that lol). Now I'm trying to discuss it without falling back into it.

 

[RMQualtrough]

Fuck I'm in bed alone, terrified. What the FUCK is this? I died. Lol. I died and existence continued exactly the same, what the FUCK. How the FUCK am I the world and not a being viewing it? How tf is this possible?... Yeah I got all the "we are one", but wtf is THIS.

Idno what to do even, I'm just panicking again rn man. I'm not even afraid, just panicking. I seriously think I might faint not even joking. My chest feels really light and weird like butterflies. I used to collapse like this in biology class. Ffs.

Undo button, undo button, undo button. I'm not ready for this, not remotely. I'm not a spiritual person. I never wanted "awakening" just to know the answer out of curiosity, and now I'm fucked.

Sorry for rambling it's just panic. I need to find something to do instead of lying in bed in silence with my thoughts.

[amanen]

10 hours ago, RMQualtrough said:

Dude it's not experiencing, there is literally just red, just music. Not experienced by anyone, or anything, or even itself. It's not consciousness. It's just that, there...... Look uh, sketch a stick figure looking at a plant. Now just cross out the stick figure. Just the plant. That's it.

All of this trickery is caused by the sense of location. That is precisely and exactly how "duality" is created. Like if you take K and think you're on the ceiling but you're on the ground. The trick is exactly the same, what "is" is just sensed as being "over there" and BY IMPLICATION we then feel a sense of centre that is back and away from what is... Like, see how you can't imagine any image as being anything other than in front of you? That's the magic trick. That is literally how it's done... The fake sense of centre gives us a sense of a beingness away from and apart from the object. It's not there. It literally does not exist. There's just that. It's not consciousness, it's not you, it's just fucking red, or music. It's not experience or experiencing. It's just reality... Just what is...

Like WTF man? This is seriously fucked and weird. Honestly it's FUCKED, why the FUCK are people seeking that instead of dumping it into the ocean? I distracted myself with DIY earlier but I almost fainted like when my bio teacher would discuss the heart (collapsed twice in class from that lol). Now I'm trying to discuss it without falling back into it.

 

I am not saying you are a being experiencing the objects from far away... I am saying you are being the color red and the object you see, and anything in the experience... Yes, there is no experiencer, but you are still left to be the raw experience itself. Experience does not need to be in a subject-object relationship.

You just aren't aware of the fact that you are those raw colors and raw objects and all raw sensations, or that it is exactly consciousness, your awakening is not complete.

[Tristan12]

14 hours ago, RMQualtrough said:

Reality isn't made of a "you" seeing red, or of seeing red, or of seeing, it's JUST red. Nor out of a "you" hearing music, or the hearing of music, or even just hearing, it's JUST music.

I remember one time I was listening to Leo's episode "what is perception?" and he was talking about exactly this. I remember I started to become conscious of it as I was listening to it, and at the time I was driving, and I remember all the sudden it was like there was just a road, but there was no one driving. There was this car moving down a road and that was it. Nobody was experiencing it. It was the coolest and most beautiful mind-fucking thing.

It made me think of the idea that if a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it, does it make a sound? I realized that whenever a tree falls in a forest, and someone is there experiencing it, there is actually nobody there experiencing it, and the tree is just falling and that's it. If you think of a tree falling somewhere with you not there to experience it, and you're wondering if it makes a sound, all that exists there is an idea of a tree falling somewhere, and no tree actually ever falls anywhere unless it is experienced in your consciousness, and in that case there is no you experiencing it, there is just a tree falling. 

I also had a similar experience one time while meditating where I realized that there is no me here meditating, and there is no meditating happening at all, there is just consciousness.

I'm sorry to hear you don't like this stuff and you almost fainted, I don't know what to tell you about that, I just relate to your experience and I find this stuff really interesting

[axiom]

@RMQualtrough

Perfect.That's it! 

The panic will subside. After all, who is panicking? All emotions are transient, just like the tides.

Time isn't the only relativistic phenomenon. Consciousness itself is relativistic. Pratītyasamutpāda. The sense of an experiencer only arises in relationship to other (objects and thoughts). When it is seen that all is one, experience dissolves to nothing and you're just left with what is.

Reality is an impersonal viewpoint. It is not, and never was, an internal experience.

[RMQualtrough]

@Tristan12 Tbh it's always pleasant to read messages like this.

I felt faint again at the supermarkets. It came over me again. I became only slightly nervous about falling down dead because I thought that nothing changes if I die as there isn't really any person here to die, but I did think I was about to just fall down dead.

[Holykael]

Be careful if you're not becoming schizophrenic. Seek some professional help.

[integral]

Maybe if you zoom back a bit more you'll notice that your emotions are also part of the scenery?

[caspex]

Maybe you're suffocating yourself when you're inside that state? Seems like a common problem when entering samadhi. Remember to breathe.

If not then it's most likely some emotional blockage or mental blockage that prevents you from feeling the joy. I mean you are even feeling light in the chest. That's how samadhi feels at the start.

Here's what you should do imo if it's not the breathing problem. Keep dipping into this state to find the blockages that prevent you from feeling the joy. Don't give up on it yet.

[axiom]

@RMQualtrough I posted a link to the original study a few days ago, but it seems other sites are now picking up on it.

The original is hugely long, but this summary should interest you: 

https://scitechdaily.com/physicist-claims-to-have-solved-the-mystery-of-consciousness/

 

[Razard86]

3 hours ago, axiom said:

@RMQualtrough I posted a link to the original study a few days ago, but it seems other sites are now picking up on it.

The original is hugely long, but this summary should interest you: 

https://scitechdaily.com/physicist-claims-to-have-solved-the-mystery-of-consciousness/

 

This is by far the saddest thing I have ever read and simultaneously the happiest.

1. They speak as if they are the first to research this and are on the cutting edge to figuring this out. (It was found out thousands of years ago and used proper scientific methods) This means when they will figure it out they will state Ex. Western Scientist discovered and proved consciousness is all there is *wins Nobel Prize* which is like a Cave Man discovering fire tomorrow and patting himself on the back for his discovery.

2. Its great because maybe now Western Science can take the next leap....which I'm still not sure because if they have the bias to believe only themselves and be close-minded up to this point (like a cult) what makes you think they would listen at all?

[Inliytened1]

On 8/14/2022 at 3:26 AM, Tristan12 said:

I remember one time I was listening to Leo's episode "what is perception?" and he was talking about exactly this. I remember I started to become conscious of it as I was listening to it, and at the time I was driving, and I remember all the sudden it was like there was just a road, but there was no one driving. There was this car moving down a road and that was it. Nobody was experiencing it. It was the coolest and most beautiful mind-fucking thing.

It made me think of the idea that if a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it, does it make a sound? I realized that whenever a tree falls in a forest, and someone is there experiencing it, there is actually nobody there experiencing it, and the tree is just falling and that's it. If you think of a tree falling somewhere with you not there to experience it, and you're wondering if it makes a sound, all that exists there is an idea of a tree falling somewhere, and no tree actually ever falls anywhere unless it is experienced in your consciousness, and in that case there is no you experiencing it, there is just a tree falling. 

I also had a similar experience one time while meditating where I realized that there is no me here meditating, and there is no meditating happening at all, there is just consciousness.

I'm sorry to hear you don't like this stuff and you almost fainted, I don't know what to tell you about that, I just relate to your experience and I find this stuff really interesting

Yeah...this is enlightenment...aka Being.

@RMQualtrough you got it man - red IS red.  When this dawns its enlightenment.  You were issing..

This is Being.  Pure Being.

[axiom]

12 hours ago, Razard86 said:

They will state Ex. Western Scientist discovered and proved consciousness is all there is *wins Nobel Prize* which is like a Cave Man discovering fire tomorrow and patting himself on the back for his discovery.

They haven't gone the whole way. Almost but not quite. Their point is that conscious experience (as we tend to think of it) is illusory, and that all qualia is actually physical - It's just physical matter being viewed / measured from different locations, from different frames of reference. This is very similar to what @RMQualtrough was describing above.

They also claim that their model proves that frames of reference can be changed, i.e. the sense of inhabiting any particular body.

It's very similar to what a pointer of true enlightenment might sound like. They're really damn close, but it's quite a surprise that they invoke physical matter, since that's not an idea that's really taken too seriously anymore - even by hard-nosed mainstream physicists. The talk these days is generally of quantum wave functions.

Advaita suggests that it's not physical matter, nor wave functions, nor even consciousness. It is simply an appearance. Again, very similar to what  @RMQualtrough describes here.

Speaking of which, If you (RM) are still reading replies to your thread, I'm curious to know how you're doing now. 

Edited August 15, 2022 by axiom

[Galyna]

@RMQualtrough

thanks a lot for sharing. By far the most accurate description I have ever read. 
Some guys on this forum don’t understand impersonal awareness. 
how do you think your experience can help “others” to reconcile one vs many, aka my pov is the only real one. 
can you pls start another thread to help others to avoid any confusion? 
how to explain that when there is no you, there is no other. 
I am only struggling with one thing, how does something come out of nothing and there is no one behind the scene. 

Edited August 16, 2022 by Galyna

[Galyna]

Infinite intelligence without an author, that blows my mind. 

[BlessedLion]

On 8/13/2022 at 11:23 AM, RMQualtrough said:

The ultimate weirdness of this statement being because the recognition of it is knowing I don't even exist.

It's just too weird. At first I felt in awe, but then for some reason I just snapped like "I don't like this"... And I almost outright fainted, felt like biology class again when the teacher would discuss internal organs and I'd go all pins and needles and collapse...

Reality isn't made of a "you" seeing red, or of seeing red, or of seeing, it's JUST red. Nor out of a "you" hearing music, or the hearing of music, or even just hearing, it's JUST music. I don't really even wanna type this, it's making me come over faint again... Srs... I don't even think I wanna discuss it too deep because it's coming back over me. Hopefully you understand what I'm saying.

I'm not "seeking" this shit anymore. It should be locked in a chest and chucked into the ocean, wtf would anyone want to come into contact with that for? I mean, minds change but rn I feel shaken badly...

I think it's a psychedelic flashback probably. This happens to me often but I abused DMT, outright like, several times a week for a year type thing.

The thing with psychedelic trips is that because we aren't tripping out 24/7, when we have a serious breakthrough and come back, we don't really remember or relate to the experience. When it starts seeping into normal living, tbh I don't know if it's a good thing. Maybe in 500 BC China or w.e., I don't know...

This is very good. It’s sounds like you are merging with reality and waking up. This is what people meditate for decades to achieve. Embrace it, surrender your fear, die into it 

[BlessedLion]

On 8/13/2022 at 3:53 PM, RMQualtrough said:

Fuck I'm in bed alone, terrified. What the FUCK is this? I died. Lol. I died and existence continued exactly the same, what the FUCK. How the FUCK am I the world and not a being viewing it? How tf is this possible?... Yeah I got all the "we are one", but wtf is THIS.

Idno what to do even, I'm just panicking again rn man. I'm not even afraid, just panicking. I seriously think I might faint not even joking. My chest feels really light and weird like butterflies. I used to collapse like this in biology class. Ffs.

Undo button, undo button, undo button. I'm not ready for this, not remotely. I'm not a spiritual person. I never wanted "awakening" just to know the answer out of curiosity, and now I'm fucked.

Sorry for rambling it's just panic. I need to find something to do instead of lying in bed in silence with my thoughts.

Surrender. Breathe. “Letting Go” by David Hawkins is the perfect book for you right now.