some suggested partner conversations ...

[Tyler Robinson]

Just now, gettoefl said:

behave like love struck teenagers who want to leave things unspoken and mysterious

Haha this is how dates are. People are emotional. Nobody is serious. If you act serious, it's a turn off.

People like entertainment. You can't change people. 

 

[gettoefl]

certain of the answers for me will mean a hard no to a prospective partner

and other answers will be a soft no - something i can work with if other factors are in place

[gettoefl]

3 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Haha this is how dates are. People are emotional. Nobody is serious. If you act serious, it's a turn off.

People like entertainment. You can't change people. 

 

the more you go through the school of hard knocks you get more serious and leave the romantic ideals in the dust

you change no one, you want to establish a minimum level of compatibility to sleep with someone, it isn't rocket science

[Tyler Robinson]

4 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

the more you go through the school of hard knocks you get more serious and leave the romantic ideals in the dust

you change no one, you want to establish a minimum level of compatibility to sleep with someone, it isn't rocket science

I'd say do this even before setting up a date. You have your phone and your text messenger set up. Just text that person, start a conversation and shoot questions regarding basic compatibility. 

Don't set a date till then. 

You have Options to text and talk to a person before an actual date. 

Do that. Less embarrassing. 

 

[gettoefl]

7 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

I'd say do this even before setting up a date. You have your phone and your text messenger set up. Just text that person, start a conversation and shoot questions regarding basic compatibility. 

Don't set a date till then. 

You have Options to text and talk to a person before an actual date. 

Do that. Less embarrassing. 

 

yes that's in line with what i am saying

i am talking the period between 1st date and 1st sex

this can be out places, texting, phoning ... just cover all the bases and make sure the person is what you need

[Tyler Robinson]

2 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

yes that's in line with what i am saying

i am talking the period between 1st date and 1st sex

this can be out places, texting, phoning ... just cover all the bases and make sure the person is what you need

Alrighty.. 

Cheers 

[gettoefl]

6 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Alrighty.. 

Cheers 

bless you ?

[gettoefl]

6 hours ago, JoeVolcano said:

@gettoefl How about just knowing when the universe means to put two people together, and trusting in that.

universe puts two people together all the time, don't fall for the hormonal trap ... ensure you are on the same page with life direction before sleeping with someone or pay a hefty price in wounds conflicts and tears

[gettoefl]

41 minutes ago, JoeVolcano said:

7. Do they squeeze the toothpaste from the middle or the end.

8. Do they leave the toilet seat up or down.

9. Who takes out the garbage.

are these pet peeves deal breakers for you then? if you are sharing personal items in that case each one needs to modify their behaviour, the ideal alternative being just have separate bathrooms ... so find out if they are flexible in their behaviours ... for me i am happy to sleep with them before digging into such details since if i bond with them i am much more happy to compromise how i do things

[gettoefl]

1 minute ago, JoeVolcano said:

I'm just trying to say it seems a bit silly to make a checklist. Nothing takes you out of reality like a checklist, lol. You don't get people to take responsibility for themselves by having them adhere to a book of rules. Every religion has tried that. Didn't work. The people who need rules are precisely those who don't take responsibility.

let me state it plainly then - these are the necessary preconditions to have a chance with me

these are simple questions and a very low bar to meet in order to be a match with me

have not implemented in one swoop like this before, but it's on the agenda

if others here thinks it silly, i am cool with that, no harm no foul

 

[gettoefl]

also this is not a rule book, it is just be honest about the person you are from day 1 so on day 100 we are both not suddenly surprised

i don't mind who you are, just be honest

[gettoefl]

5 minutes ago, JoeVolcano said:

 

Makes sense, maybe I just misinterpreted your intent.

intent is to share some wisdom that has worked for me in parts ... was hoping for more ideas ... but maybe as it stands it's good

and yes i agree most will not warm to this clinical approach to match making but i like to cut to the chase and eliminate the misfits

[gettoefl]

the checklist is a highly useful process in my experience

for example i have no interest need desire for porn

if the person i am contemplating enjoys porn and likes to consume it, i am extremely cool with that, it displays a healthy open minded sexual appetite

what i do not appreciate

is if someone says i despise porn and then i come to find they have a secret porn habit

that for me is cheating and would be the end of the relationship

[Raptorsin7]

@gettoefl So are you trying to seek out relationship again?

I remember you said one of your partners died, but do you still have another partner?

And are you planning on being polyamorous with the next person 

[gettoefl]

12 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@gettoefl So are you trying to seek out relationship again?

I remember you said one of your partners died, but do you still have another partner?

And are you planning on being polyamorous with the next person 

yes all correct ... relationship isn't a priority though so i am not systematically looking or doing pick up ... nice to have a partner or two to share one's fruits with but much more important is doing what i am here to do

[gettoefl]

12 hours ago, JoeVolcano said:

@gettoefl Sounds like the real issue then is not about porn but about dishonesty. If they're being dishonest about porn then chances are that they'll be dishonest about other things as well. And if they don't care about porn, that doesn't mean they're honest.

yes you're right but porn is such a big topic nowadays that just talking to a person about it is revealing and insightful

no one of these questions guarantees honest but all of them together paint a very good picture of the person's character, at least how they see themselves ... only time will tell if they are self deceiving or worse still lacking self knowledge or lacking self control

there is a lot of truth to the saying ... if you want to know me, come live with me

[Raptorsin7]

1 hour ago, gettoefl said:

yes all correct ... relationship isn't a priority though so i am not systematically looking or doing pick up ... nice to have a partner or two to share one's fruits with but much more important is doing what i am here to do

If you have two woman in your life, is there an issue with favoritism? Surely there will be on person you find yourself more attracted too. And do you find yourself in situations where there is a conflict with the other partners. Do you have any involvement if they have relationships with other men?

And do you think it's possible for you to meet one person who is attractive enough to where you do not desire other romantic partners?

Do you have a limit to the number of serious partners you would want? 

[gettoefl]

25 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

If you have two woman in your life, is there an issue with favoritism? Surely there will be on person you find yourself more attracted too. And do you find yourself in situations where there is a conflict with the other partners. Do you have any involvement if they have relationships with other men?

And do you think it's possible for you to meet one person who is attractive enough to where you do not desire other romantic partners?

Do you have a limit to the number of serious partners you would want? 

favouritism is seeing with faulty eyes; every person is extraordinary in their own way; comparing is the habit of the conditioned mind; of course some one will have a super body another one will have a super charm yet another will have a super wit; if you connect with someone it is not about them being a most gorgeous specimen, for me attraction casts a much wider net

as for them having conflict, this can happen but more often if they both like you there is good chance they will get along amicably and if they don't there is no reason why they need to ever see each other ... if they have another partner or partners i am fine with that as long as everyone is honest and upfront about what they are doing ... i will not ask them to be mono if i myself am poly but if they are mono already then that can work too

getting and maintaining a long term partnership isn't about their level of attraction it is about their level of self respect to make the best of the card they have been dealt, are they taking care of themselves are they living a balanced life are they engaging their passions etc ... this is what makes someone attractive, looks fade but laughter lasts ... i want them to become the best version of themselves then i will be happy and they will be happy

as for me i don't think i will ever have more than two concurrent partners purely because the logistics get tricky so two is the sweet spot for me, in practical terms that means i will most usually have one partner i see frequently who lives nearby and one partner who lives far away and i see rarely if at all though we communicate every day ... that seems to work well for me

[Raptorsin7]

@gettoefl I see I see. I think conscious people have a natural beauty and glow to them, and I think even with age people can retain a large part of their beauty and attractiveness. There are some old woman at my work who I could see myself still being attracted too as I age. But I also think i'm overly attached to looks, so this opinion may change.

I'm conflicted about polyamory. On my meditation retreat I actually had an experience where a burning sensation in my penis led me to have a flood of insight being more tolerant to polyamory and how subjective our relationship ideals are.

At the same time, I still deep down wish to only have a single partner that I share a unique bond with. But ultimately I will be forced into the relationship type that is most in alignment with the truth.

[gettoefl]

32 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@gettoefl I see I see. I think conscious people have a natural beauty and glow to them, and I think even with age people can retain a large part of their beauty and attractiveness. There are some old woman at my work who I could see myself still being attracted too as I age. But I also think i'm overly attached to looks, so this opinion may change.

I'm conflicted about polyamory. On my meditation retreat I actually had an experience where a burning sensation in my penis led me to have a flood of insight being more tolerant to polyamory and how subjective our relationship ideals are.

At the same time, I still deep down wish to only have a single partner that I share a unique bond with. But ultimately I will be forced into the relationship type that is most in alignment with the truth.

for the most part we're all looks obsessed when we're young, either into our own looks or into other's looks or both; it is biology doing its job to keep the species going; question is can we mature beyond that to see the whole person, the complex package of attributes and quirks that everyone presents; i tend to find attractive just as many older people as younger people, i enjoy things like confidence openness curiosity simplicity ... and these qualities suffice to make someone attractive ... having said that i have my prejudices too; if someone doesn't exercise that is hugely off-putting to me as i like someone who chooses to put their body through its paces at least a few times per week; exercising takes many forms and can be as simple as taking frequent brisk walks

mono is much simpler more stable more safe and the basis for having and raising a family in this society so it is the best choice for most people