How to reduce heartache / caring when dating girls?

[illusory]

I would say I am more emotional than an average guy.

Even my mum always used to say that I’m an emotional person, sensitive, and that my much younger brother isn't.

The more I date, the more heartache I suffer, it seems to be having a compounding effect

I go into dates not expecting much, not expecting a serious relationship, sometimes I don’t offer commitment but I still feel hurt every time a relationship fails. Obviously it’s worse depending on much I liked a girl, but I feel it anyone who I spent a decent amount of time with.

Dating multiple girls or more girls hasn't fixed this issue. Also the repetitive nature of dating also gets hollow fast. Like it’s just not special anymore.

I feel like every failed relationship also reopens the wound of a long term ex I broke up with. Although I'm quite over her, it brings this sense of something that was precious is lost all over again.

Honestly sometimes I wish i was a narcissist because I would love to not care.

This quote keeps coming into my mind every time I feel heartache:

"You Have to Keep Breaking Your Heart Until It Opens" - Rumi

Another way to describe how i feel about it is "The fun times is nullified by the heartaches"

Edited August 13, 2022 by illusory

[Tudo]

You should read " The Way of the Superior Man" by David Deida. Best Book ever.

[illusory]

1 minute ago, Tudo said:

You should read " The Way of the Superior Man" by David Deida. Best Book ever.

Does it deal with this topic specifically? I already have a idea what the book is about, seen on Leo's book list.

Edited August 13, 2022 by illusory

[Tudo]

3 minutes ago, illusory said:

Does it deal with this topic specifically? I already have a idea what the book is about, seen on Leo's book list.

Well, the book is compounded by little chapters, there is one called "Live With an Open Heart Even If It Hurts".

I think this one and other stuff bout sexual polarity may help. Maybe, I don't know, tbh.

[r0ckyreed]

It takes courage to open your heart.  It takes bravery to love.  Love isn't an easy thing.  But it is worth the pain.  The pain of an open heart may feel worse than a closed heart in the short-term.  But in the long-term, having a closed-heart (i.e., not caring, not loving, giving up, closed off from emotion, etc.) will have you suffer more in the long-term.

Your act of caring and emotional sensitivity is a strength.  But your strength can be a hindrance.  It sounds to me that past relationship "failures" are hindering your "success."  Sounds like you need to heal and work through past experiences, to fully process them.  A therapist can help and journaling can.  It is hard to move on when you are carrying bricks.

Rewatch Home Alone 2.  There is a scene where Kevin inspires homeless woman to open her heart again.  Here it is:

 

I wish you the best.

Rocky

[illusory]

8 minutes ago, Tudo said:

Well, the book is compounded by little chapters, there is one called "Live With an Open Heart Even If It Hurts".

I think this one and other stuff bout sexual polarity may help. Maybe, I don't know, tbh.

ill try to read it as my next book that chapter sound interesting.

7 minutes ago, r0ckyreed said:

It takes courage to open your heart.  It takes bravery to love.  Love isn't an easy thing.  But it is worth the pain.  The pain of an open heart may feel worse than a closed heart in the short-term.  But in the long-term, having a closed-heart (i.e., not caring, not loving, giving up, closed off from emotion, etc.) will have you suffer more in the long-term.

Your act of caring and emotional sensitivity is a strength.  But your strength can be a hindrance.  It sounds to me that past relationship "failures" are hindering your "success."  Sounds like you need to heal and work through past experiences, to fully process them.  A therapist can help and journaling can.  It is hard to move on when you are carrying bricks.

Rewatch Home Alone 2.  There is a scene where Kevin inspires homeless woman to open her heart again.  Here it is:

 

I wish you the best.

Rocky

Thanks buddy that was a very nicely written. I'll contemplate that.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L2MzmE8cwo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3miuaOWsj8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eit85FAj4wg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLH7yUwkBPg

Try “break through difficult emotions” by Shinzen Young 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVqANXVTLN4

http://happinessbeyondthought.blogspot.com/2012/05/surrendering-i-letting-go-of-suffering.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MU1Rp184IT4

 

 

Edited August 13, 2022 by Raze

[no_name]

What do you expect out of dating? 

[Loba]

Awww, I hear you, I always used to hate dating for that reason.  It's hard to put yourself out there, being vulnerable with people, getting to know them and then not having it work out.  But you know, it's not on you, and if it doesn't work out because of either you or them, then this is ultimately a good thing because your heart would get broken even more if you end up with someone that you don't want to be with and visa versa.

Love takes time and effort to find, please try your best not to let experiences that don't work out get to you.  For most men and women, it takes a lot of trial and error to find someone that they click with.  This is a good thing.  People are all so different, they come from so many different walks in life that if you're just dating short term, you'll never really know why it didn't work out.  It more often than not has absolutely nothing to do with you at all.

I don't know if that helps at all, but just remember to keep it fun, light and carefree to start with.  Don't put your heart on the line so quickly, you're just mixing and mingling.  Remind yourself, that there are many variables that you don't initially see for why things don't work.  You'll never have the full picture, it's not you.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDBS1y1mzq8

[Chives99]

are you on the spectrum at all? because the only way to get through is the force yourself to get your heart broken then you'll develop a thick skin to rejection, but its going to sting at first