Expression of Sincerity

[Sincerity]

I love this song lol.

[Sincerity]

We'll meet again
Don't know where, don't know when
Oh I know we'll meet again some sunny day...

Bill Cipher strongly reminds me of the devil in me which is running rampant through my life. Every time it arises again, things get even worse than the time before. I literally hear malicious voices of laughter in my head. I find this song very sad thinking that even if I break free at some point I will be brought down to my knees again, and again, and again...

The trajectory of my life is tragic. With how the suicidality in me has progressed across the 3 years it's unlikely I don't kill myself at some point in the future. And nothing will help me.

But we'll meet again... don't know where... don't know when...

Edited September 14, 2024 by Sincerity

[Sincerity]

I'm grateful for my life. For where I am right now, my apartment, my girlfriend, my energy system, my current job, my character, other people in my life.

Sex is awesome too. Before I never even dreamed of the amazing sex I have with my girlfriend right now. It is otherworldly.

My partner is the perfect woman for me and I really, really love her. She's a beautiful, gentle, emotional light pink flower. And I am the man for her.

I am so happy.

Edited December 27, 2024 by Sincerity

[Sincerity]

How it feels to make a significant life change depending on single email/text messages/conversations knowing you really want to make it but it's still very difficult due to intense fear and societal pressure.

I've been having a few of these lately. Having one right now - I'm procrastinating on sending the email lol. I have more in front of me as well.

[Sincerity]

Burn, burn my life!

Hahahahaha! Oh Kali, my beloved.

Edited October 25, 2024 by Sincerity

[Sincerity]

WE ARE SO BACK

[Sincerity]

It's not like I'm gonna post regularly LOL. I just feel much better, that's all. My energetic system has been freed to a great extent.

I came back from a vipassana retreat this week (my 3rd time there, Goenka style vipassana). What a story. I didn't follow the technique at all and just did my own thing. I worked a lot on my character with amazing results. Then came the time to work on the honesty aspect of my character and I was like "well, I'm a liar here since the very beginning. If I really came here to work on character, I should take action NOW on the honesty virtue. This is a confirmation that something is really changing". And so, even though it was scary, I cleaned my room, packed my things, told the staff and the teacher the truth and fucked off from there (6th day out of 10) and half-hitchhiked half-traveled-by-train back home. It was all marvelous. The entire retreat and the coming back was such a trip lol.

There's too much to say about everything happening in my life right now so to summarize: I feel really good. I am more intentional. I opened myself up to a lot of new things I've been wanting for a while. I am taking action. I am more aware, free, focused and relaxed. Oh, the retreat was also SUCH a rest as well! I was smiling half the time and basking in the time there. I missed the silence and that clear countryside starry sky, you know?

Now that I look at my posts above, I didn't even mention that I left college LOL. I was almost at the end but I quit because different intentions and energetic reasons. I am very confident in this decision. And I laugh at all the NPCs who only channel fear and conventional wisdom and tell me "b-but you'll have issues being recruited by the companies!!!". FUCK the companies. I trust myself and the universe. The perfect opportunities for me will readily come. And hell, of course it's not even about waiting for any opportunies - right now I am WORKING on becoming independent, building crucial skills and planning to get the hell away from my country in about 1,5 years. Before the new world war comes. I am attracting the new, amazing, focused life I am dreaming of - by working my ass off. And since I'm doing that, the world is also sending me useful opportunities aligned with my energy. Everything is just perfect. And the disbelievers will stay in their gloomy perspectives, not having faith that even a sliver of passion is possible in their lives, thus never changing anything. I wanna force-choke all these pitiful mental slaves and say to them: I find your lack of faith disturbing.

Edited November 29, 2024 by Sincerity

[Yimpa]

[Sincerity]

Understanding the dynamics of the energetic world is difficult. I have so much more to learn there. I could write a book about it later in life.

Almost everyday I get the distinct sense that I just do NOT live in a physical world. I live in an energetic world. I tell this to people closest to me often, because I'm just so perplexed by it. It's so amazing and mysterious. And I really get the sense that reality in front of me is an illusion, a representation of the energetic world, a manifestation, an excuse in a sense.

Understanding energy is very useful to me because I can 1) make better decisions in life knowing what's what. Example #1: I'm about to argue with my partner but I see an energetic choice in front of me and I choose better. Example #2: I have a big decision in life to make. I just have to ask myself what I'm leading myself (or being led) to develop energetically long-term. And the solution is to pursue the wished energetic development. And 2) develop techniques for healing myself and working through things which work, since they're grounded in reality as I understand it.

It literally does not matter what is happening in experience. What matters are the energetic decisions.

[Sincerity]

I have SO MUCH cool shit saved on Pinterest.

You have no idea.

Edited December 21, 2024 by Sincerity

[Sincerity]

I love David Bowie so much. My favourite singer ever. Nothing's changed since ~5 years ago.

CH-CH-CH-CH-CHANGES.

Don't you wonder sometimes

about sound and vision?

[Sincerity]

Me and my partner created a painting during Christmas.

The general theme was to express our feelings towards each other. As you might guess, I painted the upper half (along with the snake) while she did the lower one. We were painting it simultaneously sitting opposite to each other, without planning.

This painting is amazing to me. Even disregarding the original intentions behind what we painted, I feel a deep spiritual meaning in the artwork. Though we brought it to life ourselves, It has its own life now. If I saw it in a museum, I'd stare at it and contemplate it for a long time.

We plan to make artworks together as a Christmas tradition. I came up with the idea. I feel it'll be so cool to later on see the evolution of our relationship through these yearly paintings. Then we can also engage our kids in the tradition. It'll be something cool we do as a family. Something ours.

I see a future with my partner. I'm growing as a man and a being with her. It's exciting! Such a great opportunity for development. And such an amazing person to love.

I wanna marry that woman.

Edited December 27, 2024 by Sincerity

[Sincerity]

Insights From Organizing a Medium-Sized Trip for a Woman for the 1st Time

Context: my partner had her birthday at the end of December and I organized a 4-day trip for her and myself to Lake Como, Italy. She knew we'd be traveling somewhere for her birthday but didn't know where. It was a surprise for her. I chose Como because she's been in love with Como/Milan for a long time now, though other options like Spain were on the table as well. 

• The moments she remembered and appreciated the most were very small, unplanned loving ones like me hugging her from behind while on a boat trip, us sitting peacefully on a bench with trees around us, us walking and singing a song we like, drinking a coffee while having a beautiful view of the mountains. Of course she also appreciated things like me buying her a great leather purse she really wanted, but the small moments were especially meaningful to her. This showed to me that a great, full of love day could be planned for her with much cheaper circumstances and still be deeply meaningful. My aim is to plan further special days/trips with that in mind. Never disregard the little moments, never rush with her. Focus on love.
• A tangential insight is that many expensive things aren't really worth the price because actually she often appreciates the "free" things much more. Sometimes she doesn't care at all about that expensive stuff.
• I spent more money than I needed due to unoptimized organization or unnecessary paying for comfort (eg. taking a taxi instead of a bus). In regard to the latter, she really doesn't care much if we take a longer or slightly less comfortable route if eg. that means 100 euro saved. I don't blame myself much for the organization, I'd say I actually did really well but some things could have been thought through more. Our flight was arriving too late for us to travel by bus/train to our city, so basically we were forced to take a taxi. I paid for the flight 3 months in advance and then planned the transport from the airport like 2 months later. On the other hand, the flight date was pretty much fixed in stone and there weren't many other flights on these days so again, I'm not blaming myself much. Still, there's room for improvement.
• Basically, next time I'll optimize the spending more and focus more on the stuff that really matters to her.
• I didn't make these mistakes when travelling alone, but I did when travelling with her. When alone, I always optimized the spending for what's most meaningful to me (eg. amazing viewpoints are always worth the price to me, eating out often isn't). I guess I'm learning how to optimize for her as well as myself for the future.
• For future planning, I'd really put myself in the shoes of our future selves and think: What will we probably want to do in reality? What will we need? Will we be tired? What shops will she want to go to? I should have checked the shops/markets more, some vintage ones which she likes. I noticed that my planning prior to the trip was detached from the reality of our actual needs/desires to quite a large extent. I didn't need to look for good pizzerias all over Milan after all. She was sick of the gluten after just 1 day anyway.

The trip went REALLY well anyway. I made mistakes, but overall my organization was still a 7 or 8 out of 10. What matters most is that her birthday trip was amazing to her (the birthday day was especially well arranged), that she felt loved, that we basically did everything we wanted, spent quality time together and relaxed a fair amount. We had amazing views and ate great food (I really wanted to try an octopus and I did - yum! Tastes like chicken). It was worth it. A big lesson to me overall.

I recommend staying at Lecco when visiting Lake Como. It's an underrated gem.

Edited January 4 by Sincerity

[Sincerity]

I started taking drawing classes in December. I had my 5th class today.

Progress!

[UnbornTao]

2 hours ago, Sincerity said:

I started taking drawing classes in December. I had my 5th class today.

Progress!

Holy.

Mine would go something like this: 

[Sincerity]

I always cry when hearing this song.

Your faith was strong, but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Speaking of which, another thing I sometimes think about and makes me sad is the story of Samson. I read a great analysis of it just now here.

https://medium.com/@orenfarber/samsons-story-the-spiritual-core-f97cf51b2489

Good shit.

Quote

Please, God, strengthen me just once more, and let me with one blow get revenge on the Philistines for my two eyes.

[Sincerity]

I enjoy drawing.  And I'm slowly getting better. Below the results from yesterday's classes.

On 5.01.2025 at 10:57 PM, UnbornTao said:

Holy.

Mine would go something like this: 

[Sincerity]

[Sincerity]

Things I was obsessed about at some point, more or less in chronological order

• Specific children books I wanted my mom to read to me as a child (literally dozens of times)
• Washing machines
• Birds
• Hot Wheels
• Harry Potter
• Club Penguin
• CS:GO
• Team Fortress 2
• Other games but less so, eg. Minecraft, Hollow Knight
• Certain people, crushes
• Movies
• Self-help, growth, productivity
• Actualized.org
• Knowledge management
• Spirituality, understanding reality

I just watched this video and now I wonder if I'm autistic.

Edited Friday at 05:08 PM by Sincerity