Expression of Sincerity

[Sincerity]

I love this song lol.

[Sincerity]

We'll meet again
Don't know where, don't know when
Oh I know we'll meet again some sunny day...

Bill Cipher strongly reminds me of the devil in me which is running rampant through my life. Every time it arises again, things get even worse than the time before. I literally hear malicious voices of laughter in my head. I find this song very sad thinking that even if I break free at some point I will be brought down to my knees again, and again, and again...

The trajectory of my life is tragic. With how the suicidality in me has progressed across the 3 years it's unlikely I don't kill myself at some point in the future. And nothing will help me.

But we'll meet again... don't know where... don't know when...

Edited September 14 by Sincerity

[Sincerity]

I'm grateful for my life. For where I am right now, my apartment, my girlfriend, my energy system, my current job, my character, other people in my life.

Sex is awesome too. Before I never even dreamed of the amazing sex I have with my girlfriend right now. It is otherworldly.

My partner is the perfect woman for me and I really, really love her. She's a beautiful, gentle, emotional light pink flower. And I am the man for her.

I am so happy.

[Sincerity]

How it feels to make a significant life change depending on single email/text messages/conversations knowing you really want to make it but it's still very difficult due to intense fear and societal pressure.

I've been having a few of these lately. Having one right now - I'm procrastinating on sending the email lol. I have more in front of me as well.

[Sincerity]

Burn, burn my life!

Hahahahaha! Oh Kali, my beloved.

Edited October 25 by Sincerity

[Sincerity]

WE ARE SO BACK

[Sincerity]

It's not like I'm gonna post regularly LOL. I just feel much better, that's all. My energetic system has been freed to a great extent.

I came back from a vipassana retreat this week (my 3rd time there, Goenka style vipassana). What a story. I didn't follow the technique at all and just did my own thing. I worked a lot on my character with amazing results. Then came the time to work on the honesty aspect of my character and I was like "well, I'm a liar here since the very beginning. If I really came here to work on character, I should take action NOW on the honesty virtue. This is a confirmation that something is really changing". And so, even though it was scary, I cleaned my room, packed my things, told the staff and the teacher the truth and fucked off from there (6th day out of 10) and half-hitchhiked half-traveled-by-train back home. It was all marvelous. The entire retreat and the coming back was such a trip lol.

There's too much to say about everything happening in my life right now so to summarize: I feel really good. I am more intentional. I opened myself up to a lot of new things I've been wanting for a while. I am taking action. I am more aware, free, focused and relaxed. Oh, the retreat was also SUCH a rest as well! I was smiling half the time and basking in the time there. I missed the silence and that clear countryside starry sky, you know?

Now that I look at my posts above, I didn't even mention that I left college LOL. I was almost at the end but I quit because different intentions and energetic reasons. I am very confident in this decision. And I laugh at all the NPCs who only channel fear and conventional wisdom and tell me "b-but you'll have issues being recruited by the companies!!!". FUCK the companies. I trust myself and the universe. The perfect opportunities for me will readily come. And hell, of course it's not even about waiting for any opportunies - right now I am WORKING on becoming independent, building crucial skills and planning to get the hell away from my country in about 1,5 years. Before the new world war comes. I am attracting the new, amazing, focused life I am dreaming of - by working my ass off. And since I'm doing that, the world is also sending me useful opportunities aligned with my energy. Everything is just perfect. And the disbelievers will stay in their gloomy perspectives, not having faith that even a sliver of passion is possible in their lives, thus never changing anything. I wanna force-choke all these pitiful mental slaves and say to them: I find your lack of faith disturbing.

Edited November 29 by Sincerity

[Yimpa]

[Sincerity]

Understanding the dynamics of the energetic world is difficult. I have so much more to learn there. I could write a book about it later in life.

Almost everyday I get the distinct sense that I just do NOT live in a physical world. I live in an energetic world. I tell this to people closest to me often, because I'm just so perplexed by it. It's so amazing and mysterious. And I really get the sense that reality in front of me is an illusion, a representation of the energetic world, a manifestation, an excuse in a sense.

Understanding energy is very useful to me because I can 1) make better decisions in life knowing what's what. Example #1: I'm about to argue with my partner but I see an energetic choice in front of me and I choose better. Example #2: I have a big decision in life to make. I just have to ask myself what I'm leading myself (or being led) to develop energetically long-term. And the solution is to pursue the wished energetic development. And 2) develop techniques for healing myself and working through things which work, since they're grounded in reality as I understand it.

It literally does not matter what is happening in experience. What matters are the energetic decisions.

[Sincerity]

I have SO MUCH cool shit saved on Pinterest.

You have no idea.

Edited 14 hours ago by Sincerity