Expression of Sincerity

[Sincerity]

Today I told my mom about my psychedelic use. I did it in a very composed and honest manner, she was averse of course but still willing to listen to me, we talked for about an hour and yeah it is what it is. I feel in control of my life and I'm proud of myself. I am on fire right now.

[Sincerity]

If You want to watch something good and with character and You have Netflix, You should check out Nimona!

It's about a rebellious shapeshifter girl hurt by the world, and it's fucking metal. 

[Sincerity]

Lately I feel like I'm my own hero. Every day I'm getting better at making good choices for myself. There were difficult things I had to go through and I did. In spite of the suffering, I'm still standing. Yeah, yeah, yeah...

I just wanna appreciate myself more. If I don't do that, who will? Who's going to give me the love I deserve? Who's going to appreciate the little things, and the big ones? The big ones are even harder to see sometimes. Like my whole pursuit of self-understanding. I LOVE IT.

I am happy I am me. Well, at least now I guess. I'll forget later most likely, but I just wanna take the moment to thank myself for doing what I love, and for always going forward. Thanks me. I am my hero, even if I forget about it and berate myself again. Maybe the TRUE love is doing things for me even when I'm ungrateful. Like a parent taking care of their child who hates them... But the child just doesn't understand. And it will weep years into the future when it finally does.

Edited August 13, 2023 by Sincerity

[Yimpa]

@Sincerity woah, did you make that artwork?

[Sincerity]

8 hours ago, Yimpa said:

@Sincerity woah, did you make that artwork?

Nah, I found it on the internet.

I always love searching for new spiritual/visionary/dmt art which will resonate with me ever more deeply. 

This shit is just too awesome.

[Sincerity]

An Infinite Eyeball looking at Itself.

I AM and I see MYSELF.

I am the PARADOX! ♾️

Eye know I love You better...

[Sincerity]

I've been feeling great in these last 2 weeks. Reality is magical when I take the moment to look at it. There is so much less resistance. I feel like intelligence is flowing through me.

I can't believe it when I look at my hand. How the FUCK is it possible? How can I be looking at MYSELF?

My third eye is opening. I'm having a lot of spontaneous visions (when I'm relaxed or during meditation) and my dreams are vivid. I even had my first lucid dream a while ago. I'm navigating this new territory and it's exciting.

I went to therapy again and we went so deep into my psyche. Nobody has ever helped me so much I think. We're working on my repression of authentic expression right now, which has been one of the biggest blockages in my life since forever. Hoping to get that throat chakra to open, baby. The guy is incredibly laid back and friendly and he even fucking gets psychedelics. I made the right choice by picking him.

Good things are happening. I love it. 

Hips don't lie, AKA Reality is the Truth. 

I fucking love this music video. Shakira makes me wanna speak spanish. And the editing is impeccable.

Edited August 23, 2023 by Sincerity

[Sincerity]

Oh I love it and I hate it at the same time.

Most accurate description of how I feel about my path.  Ups and downs all along. 

Sometimes it just feels so difficult and confusing. I could never explain it but there's SO MUCH shit happening. Almost every day it's something new, some new shift in perspective, some new low. So many times I'm like "wait, I went through this just 3 days ago?!". Each week is so long, and yet it passes so quickly.

I've been doing shadow work in the recent months. I'm using many different techniques - journaling, active imagination, dream analysis, allowing parts of me to speak with each other by talking out loud, during a walk for example. This last one is so interesting. I'm walking for like an hour and sides of me are arguing with each other. Sometimes it gets intense and there's shouting namecalling and all that. But I'm learning to approach myself more lovingly and it makes a huge difference. The immense value of listening, civilized dialogue, compromise, democracy...

See, it is obvious that listening to others is important, that You shouldn't namecall and berate people, etc... But when it comes down to parts of YOU talking with each other, it is a different story. Or your inner talk in general. Most people don't give a shit about the fact that they're condenscending to themselves. Because it's just themselves, right? Yeah, I can be a fucking dick to me without consequences. I can and will utterly disrespect myself, after all who's going to hold me accountable?

Such an attitude is so often very deeply ingrained and largely unconscious. We know that we should treat others well, but we allow ourselves to treat ourselves like garbage. And OF COURSE your attitude towards yourself will spill into your relations with others! Because You "knowing" that You "should" treat others well isn't worth a fuck! Anytime You face too much pressure and get furious your facade is going to collapse and You WILL act out, sooner or later.

I think the key is really learning the consequences of being a dick to yourself. Let different parts of You talk to each other and watch the mess that will unfold when they disrespect one another. The lesson will be that it's simply not worth it. "We can do better."

It's funny to me that when You're in conflict with someone, the obvious solution is to, You know... resolve the differences, talk about it. Well, when You're in conflict with yourself, why not speak with yourself in the same way?! It's easy, just split yourself into two and speak from one side, then respond from the other side and so on until there's no more conflict. The goal is most often compromise. BOTH sides have to evolve in some way. This is important, BOTH!!! Not just the "lower" one, the more selfish one, the more petty and childish one. Some of these parts of me are so fucking petty it's amazing really. But it is what it is! 

None of these parts of me are me. This is a crucial point. Before I split myself into two and let the dialogue unfold, I take a moment to remember what I am really. Not this, not that. Then I can proceed. And when the conversation is over, I recall what I am again. it's important to not get lost in these personalities, energies, points of view, however You wanna call them.

I am so empty and yet so full of different energies. I strive to just observe them and be a good man of the house. If I don't accept them I'm bound by them and literally fucked. Respect towards these different parts is so important, otherwise they will run through me unconsciously and perhaps cause a lot of damage. Of course it's always only my fault. It is my responsibility to turn the eye of consciousness on them as much as I can muster. 

I wrote quite a lot lol. This is all exciting for me I'll admit. I'm really learning a LOT of lessons. I haven't even touched on dream work / active imagination and there is so much there. Maybe another time. (who am I kidding, too much explaining and writing... or maybe? idk)

I want this fractured mirror to be whole again. ENOUGH with the division. We WILL be one and You WILL love it!

I'm joking of course, forcing them never works haha. But I can kill them with love. TASTE MY LOVE YOU SWEET HONEY BUNCHES!

(Still hate / scared of some of these motherfuckers in me but I'll get over it lol)

[Sincerity]

I like this guy. And I'm happy I heard this. Of course I feel called out haha.

I will be taking longer breaks from the forum (and social media in general) in the future. I won't be announcing them.

In the past I feel like I definitely cared about the forum a lot more, even in unhealthy ways. In general I'd say I cared too much about the states of communities in my life like my family, groups of friends, et cetera. Now I find that I'm becoming more self-oriented and I don't care about others as much. That's good for me I feel.

Edited September 11, 2023 by Sincerity

[Sincerity]

Dreams come True, if You let them!

Explanation: Be mindful of your visions, nightly dreams. When You let go and let Reality flow, the meaning/message of a vision literally plays itself out in Reality. It HAPPENS. And when You get the message, YOU CHANGE. Because it touches You profoundly. These are the most personal lessons, unique to what You actually need most (not what You think You need). 

Very often we cling to a very specific way of fulfilling a desire/dream. We get fixated. If You let go of what You think is best, all your dreams WILL come True. But NOT in the way that You think. In a vastly better way. Reality simply KNOWS BETTER.

God's Intelligence is Superior. Open your mind to Wisdom and let It teach You.  Let your dreams play themselves out however they want. Everything will be fine, I promise You.

Edited October 6, 2023 by Sincerity

[Yimpa]

@Sincerity Sweet. I had a vivid dream last night where I was roaming inside of a beautiful shopping center.

I pass by a gourmet ice cream store filled with the most colorful and pretty flavors of ice cream I’ve ever seen. Attractive employees all working there.

Moments later, I pass by a small, broken ol’ ice cream stand operated by a single, not-so-attractive worker. 

These two stores are only a few feet away from each other… so I ask myself, “Why would anyone go to this ugly stand when there’s clearly a superior option over there?”

The twist? I immediately realized the Love through all of it… distinctions between what’s beautiful, attractive, ugly, broken… all made up!

It’s all God’s creation and we can see it clearly the less selfish and biased we view ourselves!!!

[Sincerity]

@Yimpa Nice! 

Although I'd urge You to delve deeper. Usually the profound lesson of a dream will not be immediately obvious to You. There is high chance You have missed much from this dream.

If dreams were immediately obvious, they wouldn't have meaning. The whole point is that they're NOT immediately obvious. So stay open, don't forget about it just yet and be mindful of what's happening around You. Because most likely there will be further clues pointing You to something.

It MUST change You on a deep level. It MUST play itself out in REALITY. YOU MUST CHANGE!!!!! I can't stress this enough.

So don't discard it yet. Don't think You are done with it. It's a lesson from God, so be respectful and don't close your mind. Because when You think You already got it, You effectively close yourself off from the actual message, which will bring You to tears in REALITY.

Your dream feels very profound to me. It will materialize if You stay open.

Edited October 6, 2023 by Sincerity

[Yimpa]

@Sincerity Ahh, yes. When I re-read my dream journal, the dream continues. I find myself dropping off my childhood friend to see his family. 

I immediately woke up out of the dream…. In hindsight, it could be because I still have deep animosity and fear around my family. 

This is the most challenging part that I’m simply not ready for yet. One day I’ll forgive them when I’m ready, but now is not the time just yet.

[Yimpa]

Dammit Sincerity, I should be paying you for this dream analysis!

[Sincerity]

8 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

Dammit Sincerity, I should be paying you for this dream analysis!

Haha. At your service. 

I recommend the book Inner Work by Robert A. Johnson for dream analysis. Funnily, his dream analysis advice is now very useful to me in seeing God's lessons, happening to me in Reality. It's almost as if Reality is a dream, right? Hahahahahahaha.

(I'm not saying the book is 100% true. Try out what resonates and throw out the beliefs and assumptions, cuz it has many. But stay open! You never know what turns out to be true. )

Edited October 6, 2023 by Sincerity

[Sincerity]

The Feminine in Me is flourishing. 

She is so, so, so beautiful. My Fiery Soul. My Spirit.

I love Her so much. I am high on life right now.

[Sincerity]

When You do something out of love for yourself, You are the only one who can appreciate yourself for it. So do it, thank yourself. Be grateful. It's simple courtesy to thank for actions done out of love.

Pay attention to this. It's important! Most would think that it's nothing honorable to do something out of love for yourself. For others? Yes. But for yourself? No.

Do not be "most". Fucking APPRECIATE IT. You are the ONLY ONE WHO CAN DO IT FOR YOURSELF. THE ONLY ONE! Open your stupid fucking mind and DO IT, FOR YOURSELF. DO NOT DISRESPECT YOURSELF. DO NOT BE THAT TYPE.

Counterintuitively, You are the MOST important subject to give love to and thank. 

[Sincerity]

A beautiful song. It reminds me of my relationship with Reality. My love for Her.

I love Reality. It's such a pretty word. REALITY. REALITY. REALITY.

It's a perspective, and what an intimate one! I can see Her in EVERYTHING! I can love Her in any form. And just because it's "a perspective" doesn't mean it's untrue. After all, is there anything but perspective? Consider that as God You can choose to look at Reality however You want. It's so awesome that You can have a PREFERENCE and choose to perceive Reality a certain way.

I love seeing Reality as a Woman. That's what I realized today. For the past week I have been focusing on God (Mentor, Creator, Father) more than Reality and it didn't resonate as much. I do like the Wisdom. But I like Love more.

Doing things for love is just easier and more natural for me. I am happy to do whatever She wants. When Her will is fulfilled, mine is as well.

Doing the right thing though? Doing it because it's wise? I mean sure it does resonate and morality is really important to me, but simply not as much as the "feminine aspects".

Here's the key insight: when your attitude towards experience changes, You change. With each change of perception You LITERALLY change. When I focus on loving Reality, I feel like the more feminine aspects are awakening in me. This week when I was focusing on being humbly devoted to God, it's like I was being transmitted a more masculine attitude. Maybe these are simply different paths? Also probably there's not only two of them... maybe infinite? Maybe I'll go about exploring many of them to be more well-rounded? Maybe? Maybe? Maybe?

It's so important what You focus on. Choose it wisely. I really do enjoy the love, so I'm gonna focus on that.

The endgoal is to become Love.

^ Literally me and Reality (kidding..?)

Edited October 11, 2023 by Sincerity

[Sincerity]

Words CAN'T describe YOU. YOU. YOU. YOU. YOU. YOU.

(Do You see what I'm pointing to?)

They're just insufficient.

[Sincerity]

But some words do describe You better than others.

"Infinite" does it better than "burger". 

It's not completely arbitrary. I find that spirituality teaches You the meaning of words. What is the REALITY that the word is referring to? What stands behind the word love? God? Reality? Infinity? I?

Consciousness, meaning, responsibility, courage, humility, change, gratitude, joy, fear, despair, sincerity, hope, trust, luck, faith, life, human, sexuality, mind, openness, desire, spirit, intuition, morality, the right thing, humour, devotion, sacrifice, energy, death, woman, fate?

Sesame, poppy seed, salt.

Fuck.

(Embedding is broken haha)

Edited November 4, 2023 by Sincerity
embedding is fixed now :3