Why does my gf get angry at me for no reason

[patricknotstar]

I've never had a gf before so I'm only used to dealing with my guy friends and what always confuses me is how she can go from happy and loving to extremly upset and nagging me over very small things to sometimes nothing. This confuses me and I don't know to react because normally someone's only upset at me if I do something wrong and there magnitude of reaction matches the magnitude of my mistake but when I have someone screaming at me then burst into tears because I turned my phone the other way when she stared at my screen(I somewhat understand this one) or something very small like just about how I'm forgetful cause I don't remember something she said earlier, she will have a full on mental breakdown,  I don't know how to react. Is she genuinely upset or is this some sort of test. I am kind of beta and will just apologize profusely and try to talk things out but this just makes her yell and insult me more , then just a few minutes later she will apologize profusely and try to smother me with affection. It keeps happening

[NoSelfSelf]

You dont have structure to tellher how things work around you, so when she does something you dont like again, you will dismiss her(you have to tell her what you tolerate and not before doing something rash) but you will rather lose yourself than her so she can do whatever she wants. Apologizing also makes her do more of that you are helping that she does it again!

She basically wants to you to check her and tell her how things are around here no matter if she crys you tell her how things are dont do that again and keep asking her do you understand until she says yes or no...

This looks like odd and that it wont work but trust me no structure no following your ways is recipe of a disaster most of the time...

 

[Roy]

Usually it's not anything you do, unless well it's obvious you made a mistake. Just don't be reactive to her mood swings and outbursts, and try to remain cold, calm, and stable so she isn't tempted to "test" you. Sometimes they will just be emotional not for any logical or particular reason, but purely for the sake of drama.

This is your first girlfriend though (first because it won't be the last), so try to take everything as a learning experience. You should really be screening for general compatibility, don't just get any girlfriend. I've had multiple gfs and I've never had any of them get angry or freak out at me except for 1 single time. I make sure to screen out high energy dramatic girls and make it very clear I don't put up with fighting about stupid shit, or I'll just leave.

Do not apologize unless it's obvious upon reflection you did something wrong.

[Scholar]

It's very hard to tell what's going on from what you wrote, there can be a multitude of causes for this kind of behavior.

It could be that her frustration manifests because you act in some undesirable way. Usually people don't like to be honest about what exactly they want, often times in fact it is unconscious to them. So when they are dissatisfied by some of your behavior or traits, which cannot be outright criticized, they will basically keep it inside of them until their frustration is so large it simply bursts out in what you call a "mental breakdown".

 

For example, it might not be that she is frustrated at you because you accidentally turned the phone away, what might actually be going on is that she feels ignored by you. Maybe you are not paying attention to her, or making her feel like you acknowledge her presence. She might not be sitting next to you just because she is interested in your screen, she might actually be there to spent time with you. When you turn your phone while she was watching, it means you weren't even aware that you were spending time together, you didn't even realize what she was doing. Maybe this happened a few times, and that was the moment when she snapped.

With the forgetting, the issue might not be that you forgot about something, but rather that this was one more signal to her that you don't care about her, or pay enough attention to her so that she feel like you care about her and her life.

And then, when you apologize, you make things worse, because she intuits that you don't even know what you are doing wrong. She might once more interpret that as you not caring for her, or she might simply get frustrated that you are this way, and she lacks the maturity to be aware of her own desires as well as the ability to communicate this to you in a way that she would find non-confrontational.

 

This is just an example of what could be going on, it's just a random guess. The important thing here is to realize that the potential root issue is found in a general behaviour or attitude you display, rather than the instances you think caused the reaction.

 

For example, many women want to feel desired by their partner, but they usually won't tell you to make them feel desired, because that misses the point. They don't want you to act like you desire them because they told you so, they actually want you to desire them. That's what makes them feel desirable. And of course, you must communicate your desire for her in a way so that it translates to her feeling desired.

There could also be something completely else going on, a way you act that she simply does not like, which then leads to conflict in different areas. Maybe you are not emotionally available to her, there are so many possibilities here.

 

Now, nobody call really tell you exactly what is going, and the solution here is not to do guess-work. What lacks in both of you is maturity and communication skills. Clearly something is going on, so what needs to happen is that you talk about this, and you two introspect about what is going on. You might ask her "There must be something I'm doing that is frustrating you.", and she might say "No... I'm sorry I didn't mean to get angry, everything is fine.", but that might simply be because she is unaware of what she desires, due to lack of self-knowledge, or she might not feel comfortable talking about such things due to her immaturity. To establish such habits might not work with an individual who is not mature enough. To such individuals, the optimal situation is that you read their mind and act the way they want you to, but obviously that is not a sustainable solution, so you have to find a way to mature.

 

If you want to be able to "mind-read", what you need to do is connect to your feminine side. The reason why men who are connected to their femininity can be so successful with women is because, it allows them to better connect to their partner, to naturally be in sync with them, even if they don't act feminine at all. If you are connected to your femininity, chances are you would be aware of why she is acting this way in the first place. You could look at your own behaviour and look at it through the lense of the feminine.

[Scholar]

16 minutes ago, Roy said:

Sometimes they will just be emotional not for any logical or particular reason, but purely for the sake of drama.

The need for drama has a cause, it's not just causeless and random. It will appear that way to the degree to which you lack understanding in regards to the feminine/human nature in general.