Is being territorial a red flag?

[Nilsi]

Just now, Kksd74628 said:

@Nilsi

Where would you use that time instead of making the other one feel better?

Im not at a point in my life, where I'm willing to waste my time, trying to fix some troubled girl with daddy issues. If that's where you're at, and you feel like you can mutually grow with such a person, that's your business. Im not opposed to growing together, but this won't work if she doesn't at least have her basic shit together. 

[Kksd74628]

@Nilsi

You didn't answer to my question. You just said that you wouldn't be willing to use your time for that, but what would be better alternative to use time for, but to make the other one feel better. 

[Nilsi]

4 minutes ago, Kksd74628 said:

@Nilsi

You didn't answer to my question. You just said that you wouldn't be willing to use your time for that, but what would be better alternative to use time for, but to make the other one feel better. 

I wouldn't be in such a relationship in the first place is my point. Why are we fighting over this btw? 

[Kksd74628]

@Nilsi

I am not fighting about anything, but you're just missing one radical point. If you'd be in "better relationship" by your definition then anyways you'd use your time to make her feel as much love as possible. That's the point of relationship, to give. From that perspective it doesn't matter what like of partner you have as long as you love her, because she is here anyways just to receive your love and give some in return. Being male is to give good emotions, experiences and teachings to girl, that's just hard fact of being masculine.

[Nilsi]

1 minute ago, Kksd74628 said:

@Nilsi

I am not fighting about anything, but you're just missing one radical point. If you'd be in "better relationship" by your definition then anyways you'd use your time to make her feel as much love as possible. That's the point of relationship, to give. From that perspective it doesn't matter what like of partner you have as long as you love her, because she is here anyways just to receive your love and give some in return. Being male is to give good emotions, experiences and teachings to girl, that's just hard fact of being masculine.

Yes a relationship is about giving and sharing, I'm with you on that. Some people are way too caught up in their own drama to receive or give love; and I just wouldn't choose to engage in a relationship with such a person, so what's the issue here?

[BuddhistLover]

@Leo Gura Lol, you're like everyone on here's $280 free therapist. Price of admission, the lpc and booklist, and watching the videos, lol, I bought all your stuff. And red flag would be if the dude caused permanent harm to the girl's body using his physical strength to complete the agenda, yes good sir.@Tyler Robinson I hope this issue doesn't ruin your love?

[Loba]

That's weird as fuck girl.  He wants a tattoo of you on him for the rest of his life and he just met you.  Assuming he is being serious, if someone said that to me, I would think it was a joke.  I'd personally be super creeped out about the idea that my mug was on someone's skin for the rest of their life.  Every day, looking at my face, and if it didn't work out, what then?  And then I'd live my life knowing some creep had my face plastered on their skin for the rest of their life.  And what would happen if he wanted to sleep with other women.  My stony-ass eyes would be looking at her the whole time while she's trying to suck him off.  Ugh... but in your favour it's a better situation than the guy who wanted to make your skin into an umbrella or something like that.

...Where exactly are you finding these people?

[zurew]

 

7 hours ago, Kksd74628 said:

Those harder are the ones that actually are valuable in the long run.

Good luck finding a partner who has all needs met ...

Those hard ones can fuck you up for life as well. Relationships with healthy people are already hard enough there is no need to get into a relationship with mentally ill people. No one is saying here, that you need to find the perfect partner, but there is a baseline that needs to be there, becuase if there is no baseline, then your relationship won't be about growing together or helping each other, but It will be about you trying to play a daddy, a  partner, and a  therapist role at the same time, without having the necessary skills to do so , while wasting a lot of time and probably fucking up yourself mentally as well.

6 hours ago, Kksd74628 said:

It's the same mentality that when the shit hits the fan I am out. In life there are things which are easy and hard. Those harder are the ones that actually are valuable in the long run.

If you want get into a relationship with the only intention to grow, then get a girl who is a psychopath with narcissistic traits combined with daddy issues and combined with being suicidal. Good luck, but now imagine that not everyone is going for growth only, when it comes to being in a relationship.

7 hours ago, Kksd74628 said:

Men have to always be therapist for the girl and lead things and sort shit out. That's what it is being a man, holy fuck.

Don't try to play a therapist role when you are not a professional one. There is one role you need to play, which is to be a partner, but not a therapist.

Edited August 12, 2022 by zurew

[Kksd74628]

@zurew

I don't understand where this "wasting time" everyone talks about comes from. If I am in relationship I expect that I need to put energy, time and recources to it and I actually would like to, because it makes me happy and so should make you too. I don't know what you are thinking about when you're talking about people with "mental illnesses", because those are normal people with couple bad behaviours. The point is that almost everyone has some behaviours you don't like and you should learn to accept them.

Also if you do your job as a man correctly then it wouldn't take too long for bad behaviours to go away through genuine trust, love and honesty. It's also some type of test to you not to put any more gasoline into the fire with your own shit that would trigger the woman more. Also the point is that almost every girl you'll date has traumas or something similar and for real it's your job as a man to be supportive, directive and instructive to lead the relationship to better waters.

It seems that no one on this forum has masculine traits that are about protecting, showing life and pushing to grow for the girl. People don't seem to understand that there are these underlying social dynamics that are tried to be suppressed. That's the core reason the relationships don't work nowadays, because you go as a male to the emotional parties with your girl. So I stay with my point that as long as you love her and she loves you back there shouldn't be any "red flags" that make that impossible.

[Tyler Robinson]

29 minutes ago, Kksd74628 said:

@zurew

I don't understand where this "wasting time" everyone talks about comes from. If I am in relationship I expect that I need to put energy, time and recources to it and I actually would like to, because it makes me happy and so should make you too. I don't know what you are thinking about when you're talking about people with "mental illnesses", because those are normal people with couple bad behaviours. The point is that almost everyone has some behaviours you don't like and you should learn to accept them.

Also if you do your job as a man correctly then it wouldn't take too long for bad behaviours to go away through genuine trust, love and honesty. It's also some type of test to you not to put any more gasoline into the fire with your own shit that would trigger the woman more. Also the point is that almost every girl you'll date has traumas or something similar and for real it's your job as a man to be supportive, directive and instructive to lead the relationship to better waters.

It seems that no one on this forum has masculine traits that are about protecting, showing life and pushing to grow for the girl. People don't seem to understand that there are these underlying social dynamics that are tried to be suppressed. That's the core reason the relationships don't work nowadays, because you go as a male to the emotional parties with your girl. So I stay with my point that as long as you love her and she loves you back there shouldn't be any "red flags" that make that impossible.

This is a good take. I actually made an entire thread on this if you care to participate in, 

This is the link to the thread. Would love your comments there. 

 

 

[zurew]

3 hours ago, Kksd74628 said:

I don't know what you are thinking about when you're talking about people with "mental illnesses", because those are normal people with couple bad behaviours. The point is that almost everyone has some behaviours you don't like and you should learn to accept them.

Sure, but where you draw you line what you consider normal will be different for people and it will be subjective , thats why most guys here didn't agree with most of your takes with being a therapist and stuff like that. You were pushing really hard on guys here, because they said they don't want to get into a relationship with a girl with  for example daddy issues. Just because they don't want to be with a girl like that, that doesn't mean that they won't be caring and won't be protective to a different girl who don't has that particular bad trait. 

3 hours ago, Kksd74628 said:

Also if you do your job as a man correctly then it wouldn't take too long for bad behaviours to go away through genuine trust, love and honesty.

If you get into a relationship with a girl, who you are not really compatible with (where she has a lot of traits that you don't like and can't tolerate) that will almost necessarily lead to failure and disaster. Why not try to find a girl, who you are a lot more compatible with and you don't need to change her whole persona and habits and goals etc. This doesn't mean that you have to find the perfect one, but you have to be compatible with her on the vast majority of things , otherwise you really are wasting your time.

3 hours ago, Kksd74628 said:

I expect that I need to put energy, time and recources to it and I actually would like to, because it makes me happy and so should make you too

You would ideally do this in a smart way though. Im sure most guys here would invest time, energy and resources into a relationship, if they think they could have a future with that particular person, but again, if you guys are mostly not compatible, then why waste your time ,why not find someone who you vibe,resonate with a lot more?

3 hours ago, Kksd74628 said:

Also the point is that almost every girl you'll date has traumas

Sure, maybe. But there is a huge difference between a girl who is on the edge of suicide, can't take care of herself, depressed vs a girl who has some medium outburst from time to time. I think that nuance here is really important and there is a spectrum here that we need to acknowledge.

Edited August 13, 2022 by zurew

[Kksd74628]

@zurew

I am not pushing too hard on males, but actually what I did here is complete opposite. People need to wake up to the things that I say here or we are all fucked up. Again I am trying to show people that as a MAN you can't show white flag (this means surrending) the first time you see red flag. You have to learn tolerate something if you want to have anything precious in your life. The first time your muscles are sore when doing push ups, you can't just start complaining and whining.

Yeah of course when you are just finding partners you can choose which feels like you want to continue dating, but when you already have feelings and so does her you can't just bounce the first time you see some red flags. Male have always been in a war and they have built big empires and towns and now you are ready to give your love to couple bad behaviors, what the fuck. What I said in the another thread already; majority of men are pussies and that needs to be changed.

What I am talking about is bigger thing that our whole discussion here. I really hate seeing people breaking up for little things and could be changed. From all break ups you learn something yeah, but it leaves a scar in you if you don't know how to heal it and build yourself complete again. We need better relationship and dating advices instead of oh this is red flag oh I shouldn't go here. Having this dialogy even is dissapointing, because what I say should be understood in the first place.

Also if we want to go very spiritual here the only thing which can heal that which has been damaged by love is MORE LOVE. So if someone is suicidal, depressed and doesn't have anyone then no amount of therapy, friends here and there and family will fix that. I mean yeah it helps and a lot, but those are the people who need love the most and if we teach this red flag thing to all people THOSE PEOPLE ARE GOING TO FUCKING DIE, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T TOLERATE A SHIT.

What I talking about is emergency situation, because we first grow pussy males who can't have any women and the ones who get women are going to be picky and then no one is loving those who have couple irrelevant red flags. Also the thing is that any strong, healthy and loving guy could get things working with those females, but they don't want to "waste their time". HEAR PEOPLE THAT THOSE WHO ARE SUICIDAL ARE WASTE OF FUCKING TIME. I really care about people and that's why I may come as agressive, but that is what is needed so people wake up.

[Tyler Robinson]

2 minutes ago, Kksd74628 said:

Also if we want to go very spiritual here the only thing which can heal that which has been damaged by love is MORE LOVE. So if someone is suicidal, depressed and doesn't have anyone then no amount of therapy, friends here and there and family will fix that. I mean yeah it helps and a lot, but those are the people who need love the most and if we teach this red flag thing to all people THOSE PEOPLE ARE GOING TO FUCKING DIE, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T TOLERATE A SHIT.

That was great spiritual advice. 

[Kksd74628]

@Tyler Robinson

Yeah and also why can't I open pm with you, because I already sent you like 2 messages. I mean if you want my take on your newest thread and other things then send me message and we can start talking <3

[Tyler Robinson]

@Kksd74628  I don't know. My messages were having some technical issues since a week. I couldn't send messages to others. Nevermind. 

It's no issue. We can still have discussions here too. 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

@Kksd74628 I also have a thread for related discussion. 

[zurew]

10 minutes ago, Kksd74628 said:

Also if we want to go very spiritual here the only thing which can heal that which has been damaged by love is MORE LOVE.

If we really want to get spiritual here, then you shouldn't try to change your partner at all.

13 minutes ago, Kksd74628 said:

Also if we want to go very spiritual here the only thing which can heal that which has been damaged by love is MORE LOVE. So if someone is suicidal, depressed and doesn't have anyone then no amount of therapy, friends here and there and family will fix that. I mean yeah it helps and a lot, but those are the people who need love the most and if we teach this red flag thing to all people THOSE PEOPLE ARE GOING TO FUCKING DIE, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T TOLERATE A SHIT.

This is a huge stretch here, and if you would be honest with yourself, then you would reailse that you wouldn't follow this advice to its abolute extent. Again, i think you should acknowledge that there is a spectrum here: some people are able to and want to put up with more things and okay with more toxic dynamincs,but others are not. Its simple, find people who you are okay and compatible with.

22 minutes ago, Kksd74628 said:

but when you already have feelings and so does her you can't just bounce the first time you see some red flags.

I think no one is advocating for that here. Most guys here were talking about redflags in the selection phase. Guys should be able to spot most redflags in the selection phase, if you find a lot of redflags in the dating phase, then you already fucked up.

17 minutes ago, Kksd74628 said:

So if someone is suicidal, depressed and doesn't have anyone then no amount of therapy, friends here and there and family will fix that.

If therapy friends and family combined are not enough to fix that person, then your love won't be sufficient enough either. 

[Tyler Robinson]

Just now, QQQ said:

Anyone who inhibits your freedom through their desire to control does not love you and never will.

56 minutes ago, zurew said:

 

It could be his temperament. 

If I think about each and every character trait and look for perfection, then I will have to cancel almost 99% of guys who approach me, because almost everyone has some flaw. 

 

[Kksd74628]

@Tyler Robinson

Exactly ?.

[zurew]

@Tyler Robinson as i previosly said, it doesn't have to be all or nothing.

Look for the main characteristics that you like and at the same time try to filter the main red flags that you can' t tolerate and thats basically it.