Can you be reborn?

[Carl-Richard]

1 hour ago, Nilsi said:

I know I'm being way too curious, but what do you want to do with your degree? (I study psychology as well)

I'm going to do a masters with emphasis on neuroscience research, then research. If that doesn't work out, probably clinical psychologist.

[Nilsi]

21 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

I'm going to do a masters with emphasis on neuroscience research, then research. If that doesn't work out, probably clinical psychologist.

Interesting. I'm kinda worried that my worldview is too far out there to work in a serious research environment. I would love to teach philosophy, but I worry that I wouldn't last long in academia. It's really tricky to walk that tightrope between academia and mysticism, but somehow it should be possible.

Edited August 10, 2022 by Nilsi

[Carl-Richard]

7 hours ago, Nilsi said:

Interesting. I'm kinda worried that my worldview is too far out there to work in a serious research environment. I would love to teach philosophy, but I worry that I wouldn't last long in academia. It's really tricky to walk that tightrope between academia and mysticism, but somehow it should be possible.

I've thought about this a lot too. I don't know what I'll do when I surrender completely. I'm just doing whatever I can to get there, and it seems to involve me becoming the best version of myself in a worldly sense, which means maturing my intellectual side, interpersonal, professional etc. You'll only let go once you see no other alternative, and I'm going to exhaust those alternatives.

I think there is a chance I'll probably get tangled up in my work due to petty humans things, like wanting to preserve my identity as an academic, maintain relationships with colleagues, being immersed in the latest research etc. So I might never choose to pursue awakening again, but also considering how much my mind has changed the last 2 years and how it's not all pleasant, I might start meditating again regardless.

Other than that, before I get to that point, I think my main obstacle is my level of openness vs. conscientiousness. Jordan Peterson once said that conscientiousness is the main predictor of success in grad school, and that openness can even be detrimental (your ideas are way too out there). I know that I've always been a conscientious person (I got it from my mother), but it was repressed in my earlier days due to trauma and emotional problems. I just need to work a bit on that, and I've made a much tighter schedule for myself these last two semesters before I start my masters.

[no_name]

22 hours ago, Nilsi said:

I'm somehow back again

This is my problem, no matter what realizations I have, I’m back to me, with 0.00001% improvement… even after this post I went and did more stupid things that are typical “me”even though I was super determined to change my life 180 degrees…. This “me” is truly a gift that keeps on giving I need to get rid of her ?

Edited August 11, 2022 by no_name

[Nilsi]

7 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

Other than that, before I get to that point, I think my main obstacle is my level of openness vs. conscientiousness. Jordan Peterson once said that conscientiousness is the main predictor of success in grad school, and that openness can even be detrimental (your ideas are way too out there). I know that I've always been a conscientious person (I got it from my mother), but it was repressed in my earlier days due to trauma and emotional problems. I just need to work a bit on that, and I've made a much tighter schedule for myself these last two semesters before I start my masters.

Yup. I'm off the charts in openness and extremely low in neuroticism, so I'm rather comfortable with being "out there." I'm quite good in industriousness, and I can definitely work my ass off if I put my mind on it. The problem I have with schedules is that they just completely stunt my creativity and spontaneity, and I quickly turn into Elon Musk and become way too obsessed with being productive. 

Maybe you can become the next Schrödinger or Heisenberg, and sneak some mysticism into your discoveries

[Nilsi]

2 hours ago, no_name said:

This is my problem, no matter what realizations I have, I’m back to me, with 0.00001% improvement… even after this post I went and did more stupid things that are typical “me”even though I was super determined to change my life 180 degrees…. This “me” is truly a gift that keeps on giving I need to get rid of her ?

Don't try to change your life 180 degrees over night, that will never work. If you want to get there, change 1 degree at a time; sometimes you'll go two steps forward and one backward, that's perfectly fine. As long as you got your eyes on the price and don't give up, you'll get there.