How do I stop thinking about women/sex?

[Illusory Self]

I don't know if this is normal but lately I have been pondering my same routines and behaviours that basically run my life. I find that women and sex are a very large part of my thoughts and my thinking process. This constant craving of connection/sex with a female, it almost entirely dominates my thinking process to the point where I try to pursue the opposite sex as a distraction from the deep and meaningful work that I should be doing. Almost like I am trying to run away from something. Like I don't feel whole or complete by my myself and I just crave intimate connection so badly. 

I was bullied and isolated when I was younger at school, I probably went to around 15 different primary schools and I never felt included by the other kids. I use to have friends that would constantly make fun of me but I would hang around them just because it felt better than being alone. I believe that those life circumstances made me who I am. 

The process is me getting a lot of inital attraction from women because I am tall and good looking. I can get loads of dates just by doing some swipes, and the pictures are not even the best. Unfortunately whenever I interact with them, I get extreme stifledness, I assume unnatraction - like why is she even here talking to me. So I majority of the time I spend chasing, getting rejected, chasing, getting rejected etc... that seems to be a theme that runs my life. I kind of have this fear of expressing myself.

My concern or question is am I running away from childhood trauma that has been ingrained within me or is this normal for guys to think about? Sometimes I wish my mind would generate insights and not pursue meaningless stuff. 

 

If it is trauma, what is the best way to heal myself from this constant craving the other sex? It is more of like a neediness kind of craving, like I am not enough by myself so I want to be with a woman even at the expense of my own integrity and values. 

 

I feel like I have 2 options right now: 

1: to just purely focus on my inner game and incorrect beliefs about myself while giving women a break (I know myself so well, that I will desperately crave it though) 

2: Do both simultationsly and go out 2x a week to work on improving my social skills/game while doing inner work at the same time but for some reason I feel so bad when I do pickup on the weekend that I end up laying in bed all of Saturday & Sunday.

Option 2 kind of makes more sense but I find it prevents me from doing inner work and I tend to feel very bad on the weekends, going out to nightclubs with autistic level social skills can be rather challenging and nightmarish to deal with. I feel very bad emotions, even when I am at a bar or club. Like I don't want to be there. 

 

Anyway, any advice appreciated. This is an ongoing and huge problem for me for basically all of my life. Currently 26.  

 

[puporing]

Everything is blurred together: trauma, cravings, spiritual growth. Trauma healing can be a lifelong undertaking because your body doesn't catch up as quick as your mind can process, and we tend to want to "get over it" quickly.

I recommend approaching both in the relative and absolute. Both will reduce your sense of neediness/strong cravings that could lead to depressive thinking.

In the relative you could find some relief through therapy potentially and sort out the stuff from the past that might be holding you back from being your best self. And pursue socializing . Better if you can find women who are trauma informed (or can show empathy for this) so as to reduce the chance of re-traumatizing yourself.

In the absolute is to realize your true nature, that which is whole and complete and contains all, and that you are everything, that completeness will fulfill you spirituality. Also the recognition that you contain both masculine and feminine polarities will help there too. You can still enjoy socializing but basking in your own being takes away such a sense of neediness and whatever else comes to your life is seen as a bonus. (Literally you can get to a point where you almost experience the same joy through seeing another couple together as if you're them in the experience. ) 

Edited August 9, 2022 by puporing