Is it ok to hate your parents?

[Molaric]

Today I had an outburst with my mother when she was scolding me somewhat, and I just lost control and started to scream and bang my arms on a table. I ended up in fetal position crying intensely. I don't know what it is about her but I feel this primal like rage and irritation whenever she interacts with me. Is there something fucked up with me? I really dislike her

[Tyler Robinson]

Is she abusive? 

It's fine to dislike your parents if they're abusive. It's best to shut them out of your life for good. 

If she is not mistreating you, then look within for what is it with she says that triggers you. Have a heart to heart talk with her and let her know what hurts you. She needs to respect your boundaries if she wants to be a good mother. 

It could be that she is unaware of your emotional needs or your personality type. Give her clues on what she should do to create harmony. 

 

[Breakingthewall]

try to understand where is the interacting with your mother that limits you, imprisons you. surely there is something and you, unconsciously but wisely, react by protecting yourself. try to understand and when you do, try to communicate openly. My mother died when I was 17, I was stupid and mean to her lately, and now I find it very sad. My mother always wanted the best for me, but I couldn't stand her protection, always being on top of me. I wanted to get rid of her as it was, I was even glad in some way that she died and now I think that's a big shit. take advantage while you can to do things the best you can

 

Edited August 8, 2022 by Breakingthewall

[puporing]

Might be chronic abuse (could be entirely emotional).. and now you've had enough and cannot contain it no more. Idk that's just my experience these things don't just happen out of nowhere... It's hard when it's your mom. You'll gaslight yourself for a long time before realizing just how much crap you were thrown at. I don't know your situation though just sounds like something to dig and heal, probably has to be done away from her though.

[Pavement]

Is your mother treat badly by another family member at all, like husband? Could be you learned to also treat her with disrespect?  

Or maybe you feel she’s always on at you about negative stuff and never gives you the positive attention that you crave so you end up lashing out. 

you might b harbouring resentment towards her over a known/unknown thing.

 

[Loba]

If you're feeling genuine hatred, I would look into it.  It isn't the healthiest emotion to hate things.  Strong dislike, yeah okay, but hatred is a poison for the soul you know.  I would really take the time to question why you are feeling these emotions, what lead up to them and if at all possible having a serious talk with your mother about what you are feeling.  Sometimes parents don't listen, though and in that case, I would suggest journaling about these emotions and keep looking for advice on how to handle such strong surges of negative emotion.  I know what that feels like, sometimes I tend to collapse into similar emotions when I feel like my boundaries are being intruded upon.

[Raze]

Get internal family systems therapy 

[Sanguine]

You're probably not fucked up simply because of this. I don't know what your age is, but especially when i was younger, emotions sometimes where way more intense. 

Definately look into this feeling yourself. What makes it that irritates you so much? when does it happen? What could be reasons that trigger you? (fear, limitations, boundaries, acceptance/rejection, etc). Why do these get triggered? Give it time and attention. 

And definately, definately try to open up this convo with your mom at a moment where you guys have a normal night/day and have time & attention to discuss it. She will probably appreciate this to that you try to make things better between you two. 

Let us know how it progresses (if you like)! Maybe we can help along the way. 

[puporing]

@Molaric Anger is a sign you're probably in a toxic environment, that your mind thinks it can deal with/handle and rationalize away, but your body cannot and it's telling you that. It's a sign that you should start questioning the kind of environment you're in and whether that's helping you or doing the opposite, and move towards one that does not rob you of your highest values/gifts. 

[Molaric]

My family isn't toxic/abusive, I just have a adverse reaction to being told to do things I hate doing. I've already talked to my mom about it and we seem to be on good terms. I don't know why I have such an extreme reaction to that.

[integral]

1 hour ago, Molaric said:

I just have a adverse reaction to being told to do things I hate doing

that's like the most common thing in the world lol, how old are you by the way? are you a teen in a kind of rebellious phase?

Edited August 9, 2022 by integral

[Molaric]

1 hour ago, integral said:

that's like the most common thing in the world lol, how old are you by the way? are you a teen in a kind of rebellious phase?

18 lol

[puporing]

2 hours ago, Molaric said:

My family isn't toxic/abusive, I just have a adverse reaction to being told to do things I hate doing. I've already talked to my mom about it and we seem to be on good terms. I don't know why I have such an extreme reaction to that.

That’s good : ), makes it possible to have a talk about it…

[Sanguine]

 

15 hours ago, Molaric said:

18 lol

Don't worry man. If you're family isnt abusive/toxic, this is probably just some puberty remnants, and your system trying to find it's own way in life. 
Try to communicate through this stuff and keep the connection. 

[Yarco]

It's okay to hate anybody you want to hate. But that doesn't necessarily mean that it's justified or a good idea. Usually good to forgive if at all possible. Although in the case of emotional or physical abuse I'd say you're justified in hating them and cutting all ties with them.

On 8/7/2022 at 5:54 PM, Molaric said:

I just lost control and started to scream and bang my arms on a table. I ended up in fetal position crying intensely.
I feel this primal like rage and irritation whenever she interacts with me.

It sounds like possibly more to do with you than your mom. This sounds like something to go to therapy and discuss with someone. If you end up in the fetal position crying from a minor scolding it sounds like an overreaction to me. (No judgement, you just haven't been taught the proper coping mechanisms to deal with it in a more constructive manner, a therapist can help with that.)

There is probably some internal conflict in you. Your mom is telling you to do something. Deep down inside you know she's probably right, and what she's saying is the right thing to do, but you have resistance to it and hate it for whatever reason.

Try to empathize with your parents, realize they're also just humans doing the best they can. Especially if they're not outwardly toxic or abusive, they have your best interest at heart, and maybe they just need help figuring out how to talk to you about it in a more constructive way. Maybe some family counselling would help everyone on all sides, to learn how to talk to each other in compatible ways that don't make anyone feel attacked.

Your parents were just 18 year olds themselves about 20 - 25 years ago. Realize life doesn't come with an instruction manual, and neither do kids, so they're trying to figure things out and do their best just like you. Imagine how you'd feel if your mom fell to the ground in a fetal position crying one time when you asked her to drive you somewhere or buy you something specific at the grocery store.

As an exercise I'd try to think of all the good things about your mom that you're thankful for, and do a metta (loving kindness) meditation to send some unconditional love her way.

Then be big enough of a person to go apologize to her and admit that you were overreacting and it wasn't really that big of a deal, just that the feelings can be overwhelming sometimes and you need help learning how to deal with it, maybe ask her if she can make a gentle suggestion next time instead of scolding and see if that helps. She will appreciate it.