Girlfriend won't let me watch porn...

[Thought Art]

Idk, people say it's bad for you. IF you like her, why not try cutting it out and focus on having amazing sex with her?

[Adam M]

Thanks everyone so many amazing answers and so helpful to get your opinions on the matter!

[Loba]

@Carl-Richard I suppose all aspects of the relationship.  I don't like other women creeping around, I'm not into my dude watching porn, and I especially don't like the idea of exes as "friends".  But I'm also not into forcing people to change themselves, either, I just kind of expect that if they're right for me that our values will line up and if they don't I can detach and disengage pretty easily.  Personally, I'm not super controlling about things - except I expect them to just "know" these things, which is probably a problem on my end, but it is what it is.  I expect that my partner will be perfect for me in every way, or I just don't want to deal with it.

Porn just happens to be one of those things.  I think most women are like this, they don't trust that a guy who can't control himself in that regard is going to be trustworthy.  I have a lot of trust issues.  I don't really trust men, I don't find their inner psychology to be a safe place to be myself in and I feel on guard most of the time around them and look for reasons to peace out.

But this isn't about me, this is about this dude and his particular girl and she sounds more open - sans the ultimatums, I just thought I would offer my opinion on it because over the years I have noticed a lot of women feel this way.

[Pavement]

4 hours ago, Adam M said:

But I don't think that women fully understand that men's brains are literally wired to desire sex with many different women.

Women biologically want 1 man to love and fuck them as deeply and fully as possible...

Whats funny is that people think women don’t also have these same desires. It’s just that they’ve been repressed into this role by society.  Women also desire and fantasise about different men, just as men desire to find 1 woman to love and fuck deeply. Too much survival this and biology that. Women have desires, question is how repressed are they. 

[Flint]

6 hours ago, something_else said:

Idk man, it seems like a pretty reasonable thing for a girl to feel uncomfortable about.

There is a big difference between being uncomfortable and trying to prevent someone from doing something and threatening to leave over it.

What needs to be understood is that porn is imaginary and the man or the woman is having imaginary pleasure, vs the real pleasure that is had with a real partner. In porn, there is no true reality of another human being, all of those actors in porn movies are of course people and exist but it's not human to human interaction. One could stimulate him/herself only with the mind by imagining certain scenarios or reading erotica.

So the having a lot of male friends is not a valid comparison as those are real people. As a guy would you forbid your girlfriend to read erotica or romance novels for instance ? I wouldn't because it sounds absurd.

6 hours ago, Loba said:

I would be kind of annoyed if a guy I was dating was watching porn as well, it would make me feel insecure, unloved and that he still had desire for sexual intercourse with other women who are not me.

You can't really extrapolate that it means he desires to have sex with other women but you kinda can so I understand the point.

And of course, he will always have desire for sexual intercourse with other women who are not you. It's just something you need to accept. It's very naive to believe you would be able to pleasure and satisfy a man to such a perfect extent that he would cease any sexual desire towards any other woman. It's simply not realistic.

In the same way, how would you feel if your man forbid you from reading romance novels or any sort of erotica fiction ? What if he told you you were a traiterous monster for watching Bridgerton because you should be perfectly satisfied with the love he's giving you and you should not be imagining falling in love with someone else ? Would you not run away immediately ?

[Loba]

@Flint The thing is, I wouldn't forbid anyone of doing anything - that's not who I am.  I would just leave.  Like... you can't force people to change for you, that's not cool.  I know my views aren't entirely realistic which is why I emphasized that some of these problems lie within myself.  But a lot of women do have similar insecurities, and unless we can overcome our insecurities in the same way that men would have to overcome their lust, then there's bound to be problems between the two sexes.  Personally, I don't feel ready for a relationship with anyone because I don't believe I can cure my insecurities, and I think I would see them in places where they don't exist and ultimately I would just run away, or find ways to sabotage the relationship so that I could feel better about leaving.  For me, there is no bridge between the two sexes and I accept my fate, it is what it is.  A man's psychology simply doesn't line up with my values and what I want for myself, but I also value allowing other people to make their own choices in life, so I do my best to avoid situations where I feel a relationship could cultivate.  I don't want to put my unrealistic expectations on another person, and waste their time.

[Flint]

@Loba Thanks for your very mature response. 

You shouldn't expect men to overcome their lust in the same way that you should not expect people to be able to deny or overcome their desires somehow.

I hope you find a way to heal your insecurities and that you find a great man you're compatible with.

You always could date someone very christian who thinks that porn and masturbation are evil which of course has other disadvantages. Someone into Nofap and semen retention perhaps ?

[Devin]

16 hours ago, Loba said:

@Flint The thing is, I wouldn't forbid anyone of doing anything - that's not who I am.  I would just leave.  Like... you can't force people to change for you, that's not cool.  I know my views aren't entirely realistic which is why I emphasized that some of these problems lie within myself.  But a lot of women do have similar insecurities, and unless we can overcome our insecurities in the same way that men would have to overcome their lust, then there's bound to be problems between the two sexes.  Personally, I don't feel ready for a relationship with anyone because I don't believe I can cure my insecurities, and I think I would see them in places where they don't exist and ultimately I would just run away, or find ways to sabotage the relationship so that I could feel better about leaving.  For me, there is no bridge between the two sexes and I accept my fate, it is what it is.  A man's psychology simply doesn't line up with my values and what I want for myself, but I also value allowing other people to make their own choices in life, so I do my best to avoid situations where I feel a relationship could cultivate.  I don't want to put my unrealistic expectations on another person, and waste their time.

Do you not like being around someone different?

I don't think porn use is as prolific among men as it is sometimes made out to be, I'm a guy, non church going or anything like that and porn is repulsive to me, and I'm not friends with guys into it and wouldn't want to be, similar to what you said earlier I think porn use is indicative of a real problem, most of those guys are insecure, negative, and are never really happy or satisfied, I notice it when being around them in a platonic way and I don't like being around them.

You may be surprised about your insecurities melting away if you get into a healthy relationship.

[Loba]

@Devin Hi Devin!  I don't know what I like.  I think I like being around different people, but I also enjoy having some similarities.  Like maybe just different enough, but not too different or there's nothing to really bond over, you know?

Maybe I would, it's hard to know.  I tend to just avoid things instead of addressing them head on, maybe I will someday when life forces me to.

Anyways, I feel like I inadvertently took over this guy's thread and feel bad about it, so if anyone has anything else to say please direct it to the OP.

[Leo Gura]

It's a silly expectation for her to hold.

You shouldn't quit porn because a girl tells you to.

A guy requires way more sex than a girl. A girl will not understand this. It's like telling your cat to quit scratching the couch.

What she's really feeling is insecurity and a lack of love from you. She has the wrong idea in her head that your porn watching reduces your love for her. Convince her otherwise.

[Carl-Richard]

On 8.8.2022 at 0:14 AM, Something Funny said:

In that case, would you be ok with your girlfriend going to a male strip club and getting off to them?

She also won't  dump you for a stripper and there is no emotional connection there, so it's not cheating by your logic..

What you really should be asking is if I would be ok if she watched porn as well, which I would say yes to. There are some girls who watch a lot of porn.

[Leo Gura]

25 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

Is it really that unreasonable to sacrifice jerking off to porn a few times a week so that a girlfriend, who you love and want to be with, has a peace of mind while you are in a relationship with her?

Yes.

Lol.

She doesn't need her man pussywhipped. She just needs to feel your love. Love her, but don't indulge her insecure girly bullshit.

[Carl-Richard]

51 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

But in that case where do you draw a line?

- Is being subsribed to a specific model on onlyfans cheating?

- Is paying her to send your exlusice nudes and videos cheating?

- Is going to a strip club cheating?

- Is going to a strip club and getting a lap dance cheating?

- Is hiring a hooker cheating?

As for specific actions that always step over the line unless we've made some previous agreements, I would treat an onlyfans subscription as a porn membership, because the chance of being dumped is the same, including exclusive nudes/videos, unless they have very few subs and live nearby or know each other personally.

As for strip clubs and lap dances, it mostly depends on context. If she went one time for fun with her friends, I wouldn't think much of it. If she went to the strip club regularly, I would be suspicious. Strippers need to hook up too, you know?

For hiring hookers, it's more problematic, because the hooker is incentivized to cultivate a relationship which is similar to a partner relationship. Besides, I would just generally not be ok with it. There are other reasons why I personally wouldn't hire a hooker.

[Devin]

2 hours ago, Something Funny said:

@Leo Gura @Carl-Richard idk, what you are saying just feels wrong to me on an intuitive level. I don't think I would be able to live with a philosophy like that.

But I don't want to argue with people here anymore so whatever. Let's agree to disagree

In the first post he says his girlfriend complains they don't have enough sex

He masturbates to it, It's cheating

You're right

Edited August 9, 2022 by Devin

[Carl-Richard]

1 hour ago, Devin said:

In the first post he says his girlfriend complains they don't have enough sex

because she doesn't want to have sex with him when he has watched porn within the last couple of days. She does it to herself.

[Marianitozz]

6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

It's a silly expectation for her to hold.

You shouldn't quit porn because a girl tells you to.

A guy requires way more sex than a girl. A girl will not understand this. It's like telling your cat to quit scratching the couch.

What she's really feeling is insecurity and a lack of love from you. She has the wrong idea in her head that your porn watching reduces your love for her. Convince her otherwise.

@Leo Gura very misleading advice about sexuality.. the energy got to be transmuted and channeled toward higher things other than porn for a more holistic understanding about sexuality you can check "Karezza" - Marnia Robinson or "Outwitting the Devil" by Napoleon Hill

[thisintegrated]

On 07/08/2022 at 7:40 AM, Adam M said:

Hey guys, I wanted your opinion on this...

My girlfriend is a very smart and  spiritually connected girl... she's very stage yellow to be honest and moving into turquoise! 

We are a very good match in most aspects...

Except for that she despises when I watch porn.

She says that she can feel how my sex energy is being put into pictures of virtual women on a screen.

She feels like it's cheating.

We've had plenty of arguments about it...and I've tried quitting but to be honest I kind of don't want to quit.

Keep in mind, it's not like I watch porn every day... I usually do it once or twice in a week.

She doesn't want to have sex w me when I've watched porn in the last few days and then she complains that we don't have enough sex.

And ultimately... she said that she'd break up with me if I don't quit watch porn forever.

Soooooooooooooooo what's your opinion on this matter?

Should I break up w her? 

Should I quit porn forever (even though I don't want to)?

Granted it'll might tough to find another girl like her (even though I do have good game and plenty of options)

I'm so confused...

Bruh.. she ain't Yellow.

Being "smart" doesn't make someone Yellow.

She's incapable of seeing things from an outside perspective.  She's Orange-Green, likely with a lot of Blue.

 

If she doesn't respect your opinions & freedom then it's never gonna work anyway.

Literally if you can't make her respect your views, or your commitment to them, then she will eventually start to hate you for not being a man.

Edited August 10, 2022 by thisintegrated

[Carl-Richard]

38 minutes ago, Marianitozz said:

the energy got to be transmuted and channeled toward higher things other than porn

Yeah no. Repressing your sexuality is dangerous business.

[Devin]

2 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

because she doesn't want to have sex with him when he has watched porn within the last couple of days. She does it to herself.

No, he said he prefers masturbating over intercourse. Textbook porn addict symptom

Edited August 10, 2022 by Devin

[Devin]

1 hour ago, Carl-Richard said:

Yeah no. Repressing your sexuality is dangerous business.

Sexuality is how you experience and express YOURSELF sexually, porn watching is not sexuality it's deception