Girlfriend won't let me watch porn...

[Adam M]

Hey guys, I wanted your opinion on this...

My girlfriend is a very smart and  spiritually connected girl... she's very stage yellow to be honest and moving into turquoise! 

We are a very good match in most aspects...

Except for that she despises when I watch porn.

She says that she can feel how my sex energy is being put into pictures of virtual women on a screen.

She feels like it's cheating.

We've had plenty of arguments about it...and I've tried quitting but to be honest I kind of don't want to quit.

Keep in mind, it's not like I watch porn every day... I usually do it once or twice in a week.

She doesn't want to have sex w me when I've watched porn in the last few days and then she complains that we don't have enough sex.

And ultimately... she said that she'd break up with me if I don't quit watch porn forever.

Soooooooooooooooo what's your opinion on this matter?

Should I break up w her? 

Should I quit porn forever (even though I don't want to)?

Granted it'll might tough to find another girl like her (even though I do have good game and plenty of options)

I'm so confused...

Edited August 7, 2022 by Adam M

[zurew]

3 hours ago, Adam M said:

We've had plenty of arguments about it...and I've tried quitting but to be honest I kind of don't want to quit.

Do you watch it, because you are too horny and you guys don't have enough sex, or there is a different reason?

For instance, if you want to have sex every day and you girl doesn't want to, of course you will want to find a way to satisfy your needs. Your sexual needs won't just go away, so you have to talk with her, because sexual satisfaction is a main pillar in a relationship. If you won't get your sexual needs met , even though you two guys are compatible in all the other ways that one pillar is worth enough to quit the relationship because you won't be able to maintain it down the road.

Some girls and guys have low libido and others have high, you need to find a partner who has a same level of libido like you.

If she has the same level of libido like you, then you guys could just have more sex and that way you could satisfy your sexual needs. If sex isn't good enough then that will be a different problem and talk.

Edited August 7, 2022 by zurew

[Gesundheit2]

Porn for a guy is like male friends for a girl. If she's asking you to quit porn, ask her to drop all her male friends. If she refuses/argues/etc., break up.

[StarStruck]

If you love her enough you quit with porn, if you don't you quit her.

[integral]

Explain to her that your sex drive is higher than hers and porn is a tool you used to meet that need. if she wants you to stop porn then you guys need to have more sex as a compromise. 

 

[Koeke]

4 hours ago, Gesundheit2 said:

Porn for a guy is like male friends for a girl. 

Why? 

[Gesundheit2]

9 minutes ago, Koeke said:

Why? 

Cuz both of them are the primary go-to places when you are bored, hurt, or single, depending on your gender.

[Roy]

Honestly, I'd respect her wishes. You have a girlfriend already so there isn't much of a need for porn. Yes it's convenient for when she isn't in the mood, but she told you herself she wants to have sex more so it sounds like she is in the mood quite often. You got it made man............ I wouldn't throw a relationship away over something so trivial. Would be kind of fucking stupid to break up with a "smart, spiritual, stage yellow" girlfriend, over porn.

If she feels like it's cheating maybe just concede that to her, even if you like porn. Pour your passion and energy into the relationship and having better sex with her.

[Flint]

@Adam M

Based on what do you think she's yellow or turquoise ? She's not acting like someone developped at all. Turquoise you can throw out of the window immediately and stop idealizing her.

What is the actual reason of her not liking you watching porn ? Because I can't find a good conscious reason for that. It seems that it's somehow deeply tied to her survival agenda if she's so deeply hang up on it.

Does she have some trauma and does not like you desiring other virtual girls ? Are you not having enough great sex ?

The deal is you cannot really say it's her boundairy, because it's something she would have established right away, as in : Oh I will not date someone who watches porn, sorry, is this currently something you're doing ? Yes ? Okay this is not going to work bye.

if she's violating her boundairies retroactively that's on her.

At present, I cannot understate how manipulative her stance of "you have to stop watching porn or I will leave you" is. The problem is, is that if you comply with it and she ignores your interest in the matter she simply does not have your best interest at heart, and once she knows she can make you comply with that, she could make compliant with pretty much anything and will over time domesticate you.

It's a very controlling stance and it's not as reasonable of an expectation for instance as "I expect you not to cheat on me and if you do I will leave you". Is she controlling in any other way ?

Her behaviour indicates that she's absolutely not worthwhile as a girl.

[integral]

@Flint Professional Virgin. 

 

 

[Flint]

2 minutes ago, integral said:

@Flint Professional Virgin. 

 

 

??

[Carl-Richard]

Do you feel that porn replaces sex?

[Gesundheit2]

44 minutes ago, Flint said:

@Adam M

Based on what do you think she's yellow or turquoise ? She's not acting like someone developped at all. Turquoise you can throw out of the window immediately and stop idealizing her.

What is the actual reason of her not liking you watching porn ? Because I can't find a good conscious reason for that. It seems that it's somehow deeply tied to her survival agenda if she's so deeply hang up on it.

Does she have some trauma and does not like you desiring other virtual girls ? Are you not having enough great sex ?

The deal is you cannot really say it's her boundairy, because it's something she would have established right away, as in : Oh I will not date someone who watches porn, sorry, is this currently something you're doing ? Yes ? Okay this is not going to work bye.

if she's violating her boundairies retroactively that's on her.

At present, I cannot understate how manipulative her stance of "you have to stop watching porn or I will leave you" is. The problem is, is that if you comply with it and she ignores your interest in the matter she simply does not have your best interest at heart, and once she knows she can make you comply with that, she could make compliant with pretty much anything and will over time domesticate you.

It's a very controlling stance and it's not as reasonable of an expectation for instance as "I expect you not to cheat on me and if you do I will leave you". Is she controlling in any other way ?

Her behaviour indicates that she's absolutely not worthwhile as a girl.

??

[something_else]

48 minutes ago, Flint said:

@Adam M

Based on what do you think she's yellow or turquoise ? She's not acting like someone developped at all. Turquoise you can throw out of the window immediately and stop idealizing her.

What is the actual reason of her not liking you watching porn ? Because I can't find a good conscious reason for that. It seems that it's somehow deeply tied to her survival agenda if she's so deeply hang up on it.

Does she have some trauma and does not like you desiring other virtual girls ? Are you not having enough great sex ?

The deal is you cannot really say it's her boundairy, because it's something she would have established right away, as in : Oh I will not date someone who watches porn, sorry, is this currently something you're doing ? Yes ? Okay this is not going to work bye.

if she's violating her boundairies retroactively that's on her.

At present, I cannot understate how manipulative her stance of "you have to stop watching porn or I will leave you" is. The problem is, is that if you comply with it and she ignores your interest in the matter she simply does not have your best interest at heart, and once she knows she can make you comply with that, she could make compliant with pretty much anything and will over time domesticate you.

It's a very controlling stance and it's not as reasonable of an expectation for instance as "I expect you not to cheat on me and if you do I will leave you". Is she controlling in any other way ?

Her behaviour indicates that she's absolutely not worthwhile as a girl.

Idk man, it seems like a pretty reasonable thing for a girl to feel uncomfortable about. As someone said, it’s very similar to your GF having tons of male friends. That’d probably make you feel a bit uncomfortable

And you’re also making some very big assumptions about the girl based solely on her feelings about this matter

People are complicated. Even really developed people will have insecurities or blind spots. Perhaps there is a hint of insecurity left over in her that’s inspiring the dislike of OP watching porn, or perhaps it’s actually just a deal breaker for her. There are valid reasons to dislike porn as a whole too

[Gesundheit2]

9 hours ago, Adam M said:

She doesn't want to have sex w me when I've watched porn in the last few days and then she complains that we don't have enough sex.

This is a common narcissistic tactic. It's called the double-bind. Heads I win, tails you lose.

[Carl-Richard]

16 minutes ago, Gesundheit2 said:

This is a common narcissistic tactic. It's called the double-bind. Heads I win, tails you lose.

Almost, but not really, because there is a solution: to stop watching porn. A true double-bind has no possible solution, i.e. he would lose whether he gave up porn or not.

[Loba]

I would be kind of annoyed if a guy I was dating was watching porn as well, it would make me feel insecure, unloved and that he still had desire for sexual intercourse with other women who are not me.  I would probably abstain from sex with him if the behaviour continued.  I wouldn't even give him an ultimatum, "Porn or me," I'd just kind of gradually cut him out of my life until one day I'd disappear forever and he could be left alone, just him and his blessed computer screen. 
As it should be, for people who can't even control their base instincts.  Porn is so animalistic, devoid of love and any genuine human connection, you're feeding your brain garbage and training it to view women from an unhealthy lens.  No wonder she doesn't like it.  Most women don't.  Some of them put up with it, but no self respecting woman is going to really be okay with her partner watching and getting off on other women.  I guess, I am surprised she hasn't just dumped you for it.  I would, that's a big confliction of values.

[Carl-Richard]

4 minutes ago, Loba said:

I would be kind of annoyed if a guy I was dating was watching porn as well, it would make me feel insecure, unloved and that he still had desire for sexual intercourse with other women who are not me.

Would you feel better if he told you that he feels that porn does not replace sex?

[Thought Art]

How would she know if you don't tell her? Are you like, bringing it up?

[zurew]

10 minutes ago, Loba said:

As it should be, for people who can't even control their base instincts

A high libido guy won't be able to control his instincts unless he has good sex very freqently. Its easy to control your urges if you have a low libido and you don't even want to have sex 90% of the time, but its a different talk when you have the urge to have sex at least once a day.

Edited August 7, 2022 by zurew