Severe Codependence - The Origins

[Martin123]

Hey. I will talk a bit about my inderstanding of codependence and my experience with it.

Here I mention severe codependence, there are people who can be lightly codependent just culturally conditioned into the idea of monogamistic romance, that is not what I am getting here at.

Severe or extreme codependence originates in abandonment trauma. Mostly abandonned by mother.

In a very young age you were once or repeatedly in a situation that gave you the feeling of being abandoned.

to a child abandoned = dead

So the core emotion behind this whole problem is this insanely dreadful loneliness.  Not the "I feel kinda lonely" loneliness. It is "I AM GOING TO DIE" loneliness.

 

The only genuine solution to this is to release the emotion. That is going to be ver very painful and scary as fuck. I am going through it right now, that is what inspired me to write about this topic.

Peace out

[Martin123]

Additional point

- the trauma is processed through the root chakra, your survival mechanism (the lowesr point of your upper body)

[Guest Annetta]

On 2/10/2017 at 3:23 AM, Martin123 said:

So the core emotion behind this whole problem is this insanely dreadful loneliness.  Not the "I feel kinda lonely" loneliness. It is "I AM GOING TO DIE" loneliness.

 

I relate.  Hate that feeling, it's very scary.  What steps are you taking to work through it??

[Martin123]

@Whywolf u gotta puke! Nah jk although there is something to it.
I mean... be mindful of it, release it, use abdominal or pranic breathing, and do from time to time this exercise https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNCuM08nZss

 

and you're good
The reason I mentioned puking is because as my root chakra gets cleansed your whole digestive system gets thrown out of wack. I haven't eaten properly for days.

Meditate, and be brutally self-honest. 
You gotta be willing. In complete honesty you are hanging onto that emotion only because you want to, and if you think you don't want to, then you gotta start being brutally honest with yourself and let go of many attachments that are just covering up your demons. 

also follow your intuition, your higher self kinda knows what's up.

[Epiphany_Inspired]

@Martin123 I've had some bouts with the milder form of codependence since childhood...my more recent, extended-severe codependence still causes me concern - a year and a half of PD out....part of me believes I would see the red flags and never fall back in....but I also don't know if i've really, *properly* worked through anything....just the idea of getting sucked back into to something like that again is so disturbing...especially how it "snuck up on me" after I had previously avoided all relationships like that...could it sneak up again?

How would I know if I'm brutally honest *enough* with myself? Is every monogamous relationship at least slightly codependent from your perspective? Would I need to know specifically what this abandonment equated to for me, back then? (if I had to guess at abandonment by mother, maybe that she wasn't strong enough, or always home to physically protect me from violent father)...I have forgiveness for everyone involved...is that enough?

[Martin123]

@Epiphany_Inspired Brutal self-honesty and patience is all u need