I got this insight on weed a while back...

[Illusory Self]

This happened to me a while ago but it just popped into my mind so I thought I would share it. I live in a first world country and I have all of my family around me who love me so much. I don't have a job so I have a lot of free time on my hands to do whatever I please but what is so sad about the whole thing my mind seems to naturally harp on the negative on everything... why I don't have any money.. why I am bad with women.... why I am not making any progress. This is basically a living reality for me. So much negative unconscious thought patterns on a daily basis.. perhaps it is a depressed sense of self who knows. 

I remember smoking weed with my friends a while back and all of a sudden I became conscious of basically that my mind creates my very own reality. It was like "aha".. I can choose to think these negative thoughts or think more positive and uplifting ones and that nothing is wrong with me at all. It was a very epiphany moment kind of realization. I delved deeper into it by focusing my consciousness on all the love that was actually around me but was to blind to see based on my own selfishness and negativity, that started to make me cry... because I realized that love is all around me but I simply fail to see it by my destructive thought patterns. I remember tuning into how much my Dad did for me over my hardships and it made me emotional because usually I am so biased by my selfishness. 

I kind of forgot about this memory until just now so thought I would share it, unfortunately it did not last for that long and I returned to the state that I am so used to. 

Sometimes I wish the negative thoughts would stop, it causes so much unease and tension throughout the day. I am acutely more aware of them but I am constantly seeking something external to fill this 'void'. This insight made me realize that there is no such thing as a void... It feels challenging to get a more of a state of self acceptance and positivity sober however but I will keep fighting

[Razard86]

Thanks for sharing, recently I have started to enter negative thought spirals myself and I usually don't have these issues but what I noticed is we have layers to our being. We are multi-dimensional so what is in, will eventually come out. It just needs the right trigger, the right catalyst. Its cool though just new ways to learn what is inside you.

[Breakingthewall]

@Illusory Self maybe your mind is telling you: this is not satisfactory. It's not what you were born for. you can give more. you can be more. you can develop much more. You are a human. go out to battle. give it all. less is misery.

just an idea.

[Asayake]

Eckhart Tolle is the man when it comes to handling negative thoughts. At least that was the case for me. His book 'The Power of Now' coupled with regular meditation practice for a couple of months changed my relationship to thoughts completely to where they're now mostly a positive asset or something that makes me chuckle at the vast weirdness of life. So firstly that could be something worth looking into if negative/intrusive thoughts are becoming tough to deal with. 

Secondly, weed is an amazing and misunderstood psychedelic. I would never have gone down my current path without it and I'm now very thankful for that, it gave me a lot of insight into myself and helped me explore and connect better with my feelings  But this was not always the case for me, my journey with weed has been like an adventurous relationship, it's had its ups and downs. I had quite a few moments where what weed made me discover made me hate weed and regret doing it in the first place. Ignorance is bliss, or so it seems, the stuff weed shows you can bring up negative stuff first. I think ultimately the most valuable insights from weed aren't always so pleasent. But the same could be said for other psychedelics as well. It's just that people are quicker to justify/recontexualize/integrate 'bad trips' on other psychedelics than the negative stuff brought up from weed use. Ultimately I think this experience could end up helping you develop into a more loving being. Both for yourself and others. It could help you improve your relationships with others.

I always like hearing of others insights from weed because imo it's so misunderstood but profound. I hope this experience will turn out for you like it usually did for me, where you first get an uncomfortable insight that is but a seed for the beautiful transformation that is to come, if you're open to it it's possible.