Feeling Like i Will Never Make it

[SQAAD]

When you are following your Life-Purpose and your dreams, many times you feel that you might never make it. And it is very hard to convince yourself otherwise.

I don't know what are the statistics but i assume most people never make it and never will . This is super discouraging and  drives me into a low motivation state where i don't have much passion to work hard anymore.

Charles Bukowksi ''made it'' as a writer in his 50s (when finally a publisher gave him some attention) but many others never did. Eckhart Tolle would not enjoy his ridiculous level of fame and success if it wasn't for Oprah promoting his books and work. Bill Gates wouldn't become the King of Software, if it wasn't for the great private schools and the minicomputers he had access to at the time.

There is definetely an element of luck to all of this ''success' thing. And also you must have the right kind of personality and fit into a certain box. 

I didn't like the video below. The fat man in the video says how ''following your dreams'' and ''you can be anything you want'' are super bad advices. He goes on to derogate these notions. Even though he himself followed his dreams. (The irony).

Its hard to keep pursuing your dreams when society and many people around you, tell you otherwise because of ''reality'' and ''statistics''.

Any thoughts? How do you deal with all this uncertainty and doubt? Is it still worth it even if you never will ''make it''?

 

Edited August 3, 2022 by SQAAD

[Flowerfaeiry]

Society puts a lot of emphasis on “making it” in the sense that “making it” means pursing dreams to the point of being big and famous. It’s just a lie. Pursue your passions because you love them and forget about being famous or “making it”. I remember when I was learning jiu jitsu and I would consistently get discouraged because I knew I wouldn’t be a top player so I would think “what’s the point”. The point is that you love it. 

[The Mystical Man]

Timing is key. There is a time and place for everything. To create, for example, something like Star Wars, you need certain people, under certain circumstances, at a certain place. You couldn't make that kind of a movie today, or in the eighties, or sixties; no, it had to be the seventies. The only thing you can rely on, in each moment, are the eternal principles: commitment, focus, and perseverance. Timing and place are outside of your control; that's up to the intelligence of the universe to orchestrate. Therefore, you need to trust the universe a little bit. The universe is not against you; it has your best interests at heart. However, you can't just be anything you want, because there's another important principle called authenticity: the authentic desire. Much more important than what you want is what the universe wants, and when the universe's will and your will become one, then there's no problem. What the universe wants will end up being what you want, and it will be authentic, and it will be good, and it will be right. It might not be "big", but it will be good. Even if you never become "big", if you love what you're doing, then what's the problem? 

"No time spent doing what you love and learning to do it better is ever wasted." - Rowling

If the possibility of "never making it" can stop you from doing something, then there is a good chance that it wasn't an authentic desire. Rowling worked on Harry Potter for seven years. There was no guarantee that it would get published, but she did it anyway, because she couldn't not do it. When you study the Harry Potter phenomenon, you realize that it didn't happen just because a little ego named Joanne wanted it to happen. The quote "when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it" is false. Turn that around. When the universe wants something, you help the universe to achieve it. Harry Potter happened because the universe wanted it to happen. Joanne, and thousands of other people, were in service of that desire. Service and sacrifice are another two important principles. Sacrifice the ego's desire, and serve the soul's desire.

JK never wanted to write a fantasy book for children. Lucas never wanted to make a theatrical film. Therefore, another important principle is flexibility. Commitment, focus, perseverance, authenticity, service, sacrifice, and flexibility. You can't follow these principles and not end up having some measure of success. 

Edited August 5, 2022 by The Mystical Man

[Space]

@SQAAD I totally get what you're saying. Making stuff happen can be hard and you've gotta have a really strong and clear vision for where you're heading. You've also got to have a massive desire for that thing to be an actuality. You've really got to WANT to actualize your life purpose. And you've gotta have a significant amount of willpower. There's good reason why most of us live fairly average lives.

Also, the reason people never 'make it' is because they lack vision and have never even sat down and answered the question 'what do I want in life?', and if they have they were not nearly specific and comprehensive enough and maybe they did it once and forgot about it. And then combine that with all of the endless incessant distractions and comforts we have, it results in most of the population never 'making it'. 

But then we also have to ask, well what does 'making it' even mean. Because it's clearly relative to the individual. If you mean realising YOUR unique life purpose then that's all good. But anything other than that can be discarded. If we think that 'making it' is becoming super successful, famous or super rich, then obviously most people aren't going to make it. But that's a silly metric to use. For me 'making it' means setting my own schedule, being able to wake whenever I want, working on fun and cool projects, being creative and making art on a daily basis, having spare time and energy outside of 'work' to work on other things, having the freedom to live wherever I want, having the freedom to travel and go on holiday whenever I want. And I just described my life right now as I'm sitting here typing this. So I've made it, but none of that required being famous, uber successful, rich or even being in the top 5-10% of my field. Society's idea of success is fucking dumb and stupid. 

So its not actually that difficult to make a cool life and work a fun job that you find meaningful. Literally thousands if not 100s of thousands of people are doing that right now. You think they're different to you? The only difference is that they got really clear on what they wanted to do, committed to it 100%. 100%! And then followed it through until completion without giving up, course correcting where necessary.

But to go back to the first sentence in your post. Yes I felt like giving up many times along the way. I had many many nights of self doubt, confusion and uncertainty. But what kept me going was the recognition that I could not possibly live a life that was not on purpose or at least vaguely meaningful to me. It was not a possibility that could happen. So you keep going. 

The idea that you should not follow your dreams is fucking stupid. What else you gonna do? Follow something you hate? Something you're not interested in? You just need to dream intelligently, dream strategically, dream fast and dream big.

[SQAAD]

@Flowerfaeiry

17 hours ago, Flowerfaeiry said:

Society puts a lot of emphasis on “making it” in the sense that “making it” means pursing dreams to the point of being big and famous. It’s just a lie. Pursue your passions because you love them and forget about being famous or “making it”. I remember when I was learning jiu jitsu and I would consistently get discouraged because I knew I wouldn’t be a top player so I would think “what’s the point”. The point is that you love it. 

That's a great point.

[SQAAD]

@The Mystical Man

2 hours ago, The Mystical Man said:

Timing is key. There is a time and place for everything. To create, for example, something like Star Wars, you need certain people, under certain circumstances, at a certain place. You couldn't make that kind of a movie today, or in the eighties, or sixties; no, it had to be the seventies. The only thing you can rely on, in each moment, are the eternal principles: commitment, focus, and perseverance. Timing and place are outside of your control; that's up to the intelligence of the universe to orchestrate, and you need to trust the universe a little bit. The universe is not against you; it has your best interests at heart. But you can't just be anything you want, because there's another important principle called authenticity: the authentic desire. Much more important than what you want is what the universe wants, and when the universe's will and your will become one, then there's no problem. What the universe wants will end up being what you want, and it will be authentic, and it will be good, and it will be right. It might not be "big", but it will be good. Even if you never become "big", if you love what you're doing, then what's the problem? 

"No time spent doing what you love and learning to do it better is ever wasted." - Rowling

If the possibility of "never making it" can stop you from doing something, then there is a good chance that it wasn't an authentic desire. Rowling worked on Harry Potter for seven years. There was no guarantee that it would get published, but she did it anyway, because she couldn't not do it. When you study the Harry Potter phenomenon, you realize that it didn't happen just because a little ego named Joanne wanted it to happen. The quote "when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it" is false. Turn that around. When the universe wants something, you help the universe to achieve it. Harry Potter happened because the universe wanted it to happen. Joanne, and thousands of other people, were in service of that desire. Service and sacrifice are another two important principles. Sacrifice the ego's desire, and serve the soul's desire.

Very solid advice. Thank you. 

[SQAAD]

@Space

1 hour ago, Space said:

@SQAAD I totally get what you're saying. Making stuff happen can be hard and you've gotta have a really strong and clear vision for where you're heading. You've also got to have a massive desire for that thing to be an actuality. You've really got to WANT to actualize your life purpose. And you've gotta have a significant amount of willpower. There's good reason why most of us live fairly average lives.

Also, the reason people never 'make it' is because they lack vision and have never even sat down and answered the question 'what do I want in life?', and if they have they were not nearly specific and comprehensive enough and maybe they did it once and forgot about it. And then combine that with all of the endless incessant distractions and comforts we have, it results in most of the population never 'making it'. 

But then we also have to ask, well what does 'making it' even mean. Because it's clearly relative to the individual. If you mean realising YOUR unique life purpose then that's all good. But anything other than that can be discarded. If we think that 'making it' is becoming super successful, famous or super rich, then obviously most people aren't going to make it. But that's a silly metric to use. For me 'making it' means setting my own schedule, being able to wake whenever I want, working on fun and cool projects, being creative and making art on a daily basis, having spare time and energy outside of 'work' to work on other things, having the freedom to live wherever I want, having the freedom to travel and go on holiday whenever I want. And I just described my life right now as I'm sitting here typing this. So I've made it, but none of that required being famous, uber successful, rich or even being in the top 5-10% of my field. Society's idea of success is fucking dumb and stupid. 

So its not actually that difficult to make a cool life and work a fun job that you find meaningful. Literally thousands if not 100s of thousands of people are doing that right now. You think they're different to you? The only difference is that they got really clear on what they wanted to do, committed to it 100%. 100%! And then followed it through until completion without giving up, course correcting where necessary.

But to go back to the first sentence in your post. Yes I felt like giving up many times along the way. I had many many nights of self doubt, confusion and uncertainty. But what kept me going was the recognition that I could not possibly live a life that was not on purpose or at least vaguely meaningful to me. It was not a possibility that could happen. So you keep going. 

The idea that you should not follow your dreams is fucking stupid. What else you gonna do? Follow something you hate? Something you're not interested in? You just need to dream intelligently, dream strategically, dream fast and dream big.

What you've said is very encouraging. And the fact that you're living what you preach, means a lot.

The fat man's point is that you shouldn't follow your dreams if you probably never will 'make it' or have success at that thing. But i disagree with that.

Because you can never know if you will have success at something, if you don't follow that thing and work at it.

Edited August 4, 2022 by SQAAD

[flowboy]

On 03/08/2022 at 8:19 PM, SQAAD said:

 

Tim Dillon is a comedian.

What does he know?

He can think about stuff and theorize like anyone can, doesn't mean his loose thoughts are fact.

Also quite hypocritical of him since he clearly is following his dream and being what he wants to be.

Now he and Lex seem to believe that they stumbled upon one thing they liked and wanted to be, and there could have been nothing else.

I think that's nonsense.

If they had been born in a different time, they also could have found their path and it would have looked different.

On 03/08/2022 at 8:19 PM, SQAAD said:

There is definetely an element of luck to all of this ''success' thing. And also you must have the right kind of personality and fit into a certain box. 

It depends a bit on how you define success, for example it's perhaps too late for you to become a world class ballet dancer or tennis player, but if by success you mean providing for your living expenses doing something you love and of your own choosing, then in a first world society with a healthy body and mind there's no reason you couldn't do that.

The only personality trait required is to not be a quitter.

With enough time and effort, everything else that is required can be learnt.

It's tempting to look at all these people with unfulfilling jobs and think: "See, it's not possible for everyone. Only a select few make it"

I used to work this dead-end callcenter job, and everyone who worked there had dreams when they went to school.

One had wanted to pursue higher education, another had wanted to be an interior designer.

But when I pressed her on what happened, it turns out that she had just decided not to pursue it because it seemed hard and she didn't know how.

Me being my naive 17 year old self, I went to my computer and printed out all these blogs and documents on how one could become a self-starter interior designer.

Delighted, I brought them to work and gave them to her.

She looked at me weird and said it was sweet, but never spoke about it again.

You see, it looks kind of sad, but realise it is a decision.

They just chose not to.

Most people just prefer to be comfortable and vaguely unfulfilled, rather than have a challenging fulfilling life.

If that makes you sad, then decide to not be that and stop wasting your energy on self-doubt.

If you introspect and find that you're unable to be satisfied as a comfortable vaguely unfulfilled average person, then you know that eventually you'll make it (or die before you do, which is fine too because the fulfillment comes from the striving, not from the getting there. ).

Because then you'll not be able to make that decision to quit.

Even if you start a business and it fails, you'd just get up and try again.

So what I did when I had a lot of self-doubt, is I looked inside and asked myself:

Am I the kind of person who would decide to give up?

I realised that for me this is no, so I stopped wasting time and energy on self-doubt and got on my journey.

Edited August 5, 2022 by flowboy

[Clabber Girl]

Tim Dillon is a comedian and doesn't always mean what he says literally .. However he has mentioned on the other podcasts he has done that he is following his dreams and he knows that ultimately it will be unfulfilling for him. That following his dreams has been a hard road for him and that most people wouldn't be willing to take the path he did or couldn't survive if they attempted.